I originally wrote this piece for MediaShower.com, for use on the late, great comedy site ZuG.com. Text and images published here with permission.
I get lied to all the time. My wife, my boss, my neighbors, my friends — it seems like every time I turn around, somebody new is trying to blow smoke up my ass.
Which means I turn around verrrry carefully these days. There are some places where you really don’t want to “inhale”. Trust me.
But if there’s one set of people I do not want lying to me, it’s advertisers. I mean, if you can’t trust a bunch of slicked-back, oversuited, undersouled, marketing twinks to give you the straight dope, then who can you trust?
So when I run into a product being hawked with less-than-literal verbiage, I take offense. And I get chatty. Read on for my actual comments on the pages of fibbing firms all over freaking Facebook.
Also, there’s bacon. Delicious bacon. And that’s no lie.
Way to stick to your sugary guns, Smuckups. “Got to be” means “GOT TO BE“. Get it right, jellyheads.
Seems like an awful lot of trouble, just to find the truth. I don’t remember Mulder and Scully going through this shit.
Last time, Zolton found his “feminine side” with Sara Lee, Jo-Ann Fabric, PAM and Mary Kay. Want to join in the prank? Click the links to see each real-life Facebook post, and comment or ‘Like’ them to generate more buzz. Or visit Zolton’s own Facebook page!