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53

Charlie’s “100 Things Posts About Me”

#53. I learned at least one thing from every class in college.

Don’t believe me? Check it out — here’s a baker’s dozen of lessons learned:

Anatomy: The nephron is the functional unit of the kidney.

Calculus: It is possible to sleep sitting upright, and with my eyes open.

Chemistry Lab: Sulfur smells like ass.

Comparative Religion: Meditation is pretty cool, but it won’t get you laid.

Economics: I fucking hate Economics.

Government: Pork barrels beat checks and balances every time.

History: The Hundred Years’ War didn’t really last all that long.

Humanities: The two most important Greek columnar styles are Doric and Ionic.

Literature: Ozymandias was a badass.

Microbiology: Lactose-fermenting bacterial colonies have a green sheen on EMB agar.

Philosophy: We are all looking at shadows on the wall of a cave.

Physical Chemistry: Professors are not going to die, just because you wish it.

Religion: A literal interpretation of the Bible is inherently logically inconsistent.

So, I guess that money for college didn’t go right out the window, after all, now did it? Okay, other than the fact that I left biology to do software development, and use none of my training from college in any way whatsoever. Still — not bad, huh? Nephron? That’ll get me a pie wedge in Trivial Pursuit. And Ozymandias — very scholarly. The chicks dig that. And that Greek column shit? People eat that up. Yeah, that was so worth fifty grand to go to school. No doubt.