Original humor & comedy articles daily weblog

Wow! And Thanks! And Welcome! And… Wow!

Wow!

(Shit. Did I say that already?)

Well, it’s worth saying again: Wow!

(Okay, that’s the last one, I promise. Sorry, I get a little carried away sometimes. You think this is bad, you should see me after sex. Sheesh.)

Anyway, I’m so excited because I found out this morning that this site’s been put on the short list for consideration for a Bloggie! Yay!

(See? Aren’t you glad that was ‘Yay!’ instead of… you know, the ‘W’ word?

No, no, you perv — not ‘winkie’. Or ‘womanhood’. And not ‘whiskerlicker’, either. No! And ew! The ‘W’ word is ‘Wow!’

Well, dammit. You made me say it again. Poop on you.)

Anyway, since I’m still fairly new at this blogging thing, and haven’t been jaded and beaten down by years of these contests like all the cool bloggers have, I’m pretty damned excited. And I’d like to thank whoever it was that helped to put me in this position — why, I’m just so giddy I could do a jig. A giddy little jig. Hold on, I’ll try one.

*jig jig jig giddy giddy giddy jig jig jig*

Yep. Just as I thought. Hurt myself. Won’t be able to put my pants on for a week until that heals. Damn. Damn. Damn.

Anyway, back to the topic at hand here — with the nomination (and thank you again!) being so public and all, I’ve noticed a lot of new faces around here this morning. Okay, so actually, just new IP addresses. But we all scroll through our logs and imagine faces for all the unique IPs that come through our sites, don’t we? So you know what I mean. It’s not like that’s obsessive, or insane, or anything. Perfectly normal. The voice in my head said so, and he’s never wrong. He told me that, too.

In any case, this seems like a good time for a quick virtual tour around the place. You grizzled vets probably don’t need to know this stuff — you guzzling vets, maybe. I know how you tend to forget things. And you grizzly vets… well, you just need to shave your damned backs, and then maybe we can bear to let you back in with the rest of us.

(See, ’cause ‘grizzly’? And then ‘bear’? Get it? It’s… oh, all right, it’s crap. Hey, you try finding clever words that sound like ‘grizzled’ sometime. This shit ain’t easy, people. I’m working without a net over here.)

Let’s just get back to the tour, before I completely lose my chance to make a good first impression. A lot of what this site is all about is covered in the ‘About This‘ page. There’s also a less helpful, but more personal (Rawwwwr!) ‘About Me‘ page, for those who are interested. (And you ‘Peeping Tom’ types know who the hell you are. Pervs.)

Most everything else around here is pretty standard — archives, search, links, and credits — but there are a couple of features that you might not find on most sites. First is the 101 Things Posts About Me. See, even when I do somebody else’s meme, I’ve got to get all ridiculous and out of control and muck the whole thing up. So, instead of just listing 101 things, like a normal sane person, I turned each ‘thing’ into it’s own post. So there’s an extra 101 posts for you to check out, should you get finished early with your homework in the archives. Knock yourself out.

The other item I’m kind of proud of has to do with my ‘secret life’.

(No, not that secret life! For goodness sakes, nobody can see me doing that stuff. And, as I always say, what happens in the kitchen sink with the extending-head faucet stays in the kitchen sink with the extending-head faucet.

At least, until I can find some Drano or something. Then, it’ll go away entirely. But you know what I’m saying.)

No, my other ‘secret life’ is my burgeoning standup comedy career. Last fall, I took a ‘Standup 101’ class, and have been doing shows around the Boston area for a couple of months now. I’m really enjoying my time onstage, and finding a lot of similarities between doing comedy and blogging here.

(See, I was gonna say I’m finding ‘synergies’, but that’s too manager-babbly for me. Screw that — I hear enough of that crap in my real job. I’m not bringing it into my other one.)

Anyway, for your viewing pleasure and ridicule, I’ve taped all (but one — ‘technical difficulties’, you see) of my standup sets and posted them under the ‘Standup Standup’ section on the left-hand sidebar. Click the active links for a description of the show and to download video clips in various formats, or take note of the gray links to plan your next vacation around seeing one of my shows. Either way, it’s all good.

(And for any ‘long-time readers’ still hanging in with this post, my show from last night is up. It was a pretty rough crowd, but it was still a lot of fun. New folks, please don’t start with that set, because you’ll likely get a slightly… nastier impression of my comedy than is really true. This particular show ended up being something of a Twilight Zone premise — ‘What if someone staged a comedy show, and a Sex Pistols concert broke out? ‘ Yeeks!)

So, if you’re here for the first time, feel free to have a look around. Check out a show, dig through the archives, search for your favorite dirty word. (It’s probably in here somewhere.) But by all means, settle in and stay a while. I’m glad to have you, and I hope you enjoy your stay. Ditto for you ‘regulars’, of course, but I’ve told you all of this already. You know I love you.

(Not sexually, of course. More like a brother. Unless you’re hot — then, it’s more like a stepbrother, or third cousin, maybe. Close family friend, perhaps. It’s sort of a ‘case by case’ thing.)

Anyway, thanks for stopping by, and for reading this far. If you’ve never been here before… well, this is pretty much what it’s always like around here. If you giggled at this, then you’ll probably like the rest. (Probably a little more, even; I like to think it gets a little funnier when I’m actually talking about something.) And if you’re just exhausted by all the words, and the paragraphs, and ‘oh, my god, so many parentheses!‘… well, then this probably isn’t for you, I’m afraid. Sorry I couldn’t come through for you, but I only know one way to write, and you’re soaking in it. I wouldn’t even know how to begin to do this differently.

So that’s it — I’ll be back later with a ‘normal’ post, but I wanted to be sure to put out the ‘welcome mat’ for new visitors. Come on in, pour yourself a beer, and get comfy. There’s plenty of room, and the blather just keeps coming, each and every day. It’s great to see so many new folks, and again, an honor to be nominated as a ‘Best New Weblog’ over at the Bloggies. I don’t know what else to say but: ‘Wow!‘

(Yeah, you pretty much knew that was coming, didn’t you? Damn.)