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This Post Has No Title Because I’m Not Really Here

Dum de dum de doo.. de dum de — waaauuughh!

Shit, you scared me. What’re you doin’, creeping around here like that, anyway?

Oh. Just stoppong by for a read, eh? I suppose that’s pretty… normal, after all. Sorry. I didn’t mean to suggest you were ‘creepy’. Just ‘creeping’. Which, it turns out, you weren’t. So — sorry. Again.

Look, I’m just a little on edge here. I was kind of hoping no one would be here right now. I wanted to slip in, make a quick little ‘editorial change’, and slip back out unnoticed. You sort of surprised me, I’m afraid. I think I may have peed, just a little.

(No, no, don’t look, dammit. I was kidding. At least, I think I was — and either way, no good can come from you squinting at my crotch like it’s gonna jump up and do backflips, all right? So just put those specs away. There’ll be no crotch-gazing going on around here this morning.)

Anyway, look — don’t tell anybody, but I’m a little jumpy because I came in to change the timestamp on the last post. See, I’d actually intended to post it as today’s post, since I knew I wouldn’t have a lot of time for blogging today, but I was so antsy to get my first Blogger Idol post online that I went and published it earlier than I’d meant to.

(Hey, hey now — no comments from the peanut gallery on that one. Just because I was overly excited, and had a little bout of ‘premature publication’, doesn’t mean that there’s anything for you to comment on, all right? Keep the line moving. Scoot!)

So, I popped in for just a second to fix the date. But if anyone asks, I’m not really here, okay? You never saw me today. The Blogger Idol post was up on Sunday morning the whole time, as far as you know, and I didn’t do anything to it after the fact. Cool? Can you help me out with that?

What? Oh, all right, fine. Here’s ten bucks. Now will you help me out? Okay, good.

Anyway, I’m off now. I’ve got a full day ahead, ending with the Patriots game at four, and a standup comedy gig at eight. I likely won’t see you again until tomorrow, but I’m sure I’ll have more drivel lined up to blather about by then. No worries.

So have fun while you’re here — feel free to browse around. Take as much time as you like — just be sure to turn off the lights and close the door behind you when you’re done. And remember that tenner I gave you — you never saw me today, right?

Good. Now I’ll sneak off before anyone else sees me. Like the wind, I am.

*shwack* *bam* *boogity-boogity-boogity-bap*

Ow… damn, who put that door there, anyway? I mean, I mean… I meant to go into the broom closet. I was… um, looking for something, and all that stuff just fell on me for no good reason. Right. Fell on me. Not my fault.

(Damn, I think I sprained my head in there.)

Look, I’m just gonna limp off to the door now. You… you stay and read. I’ll — ouch, why won’t my leg move the way I want it to? — I’ll see you later.

(Damn, what.. is that a broomstick? Ooh, yeah, that would explain it. Yikes. Gonna need some Bactine back there when I get home. Eep.)