Charlie Hatton About This
About Me
Email Me

Bookmark
 FeedBurnerEmailTwitterFacebookAmazon
Charlie Hatton
Brookline, MA



All Quotes
HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail

  |  

Howdy, friendly reading person!
I'm on a bit of a hiatus right now, but only to work on other projects -- one incredibly exciting example being the newly-released kids' science book series Things That Make You Go Yuck!
If you're a science and/or silliness fan, give it a gander! See you soon!

Fun with Google, Take Three

All right, boys and girls. I hate to do this to you, but I’m afraid it can’t be helped. It’s time once again for the weblog equivalent of a ‘clip show’. That’s right, it’s time to dig in for a third installment of ‘Look What Kinds of Ridiculous Searches Bring People to This Site‘.

Hey, don’t look at me that way. I’ve been here almost a frigging year, and I’ve only resorted to this crap three times. Cut me some slack, dammit. Now, let’s get on with it, all right?

Okay, here goes — these are some of these searches that various desperate, horny, and/or demented netizens have recently used to find this humble web abode:

  • monkey cereal spam tofu — Well, it doesn’t sound tasty, exactly, but I guess somebody out there is interested in this stuff. I’m just not sure I’m comfortable in anything with ‘monkey’ and ‘spam’ in the same context — isn’t that stuff made from pig innards and rat parts?
  • Arby’s oven mitt flash — all right, look, is somebody really looking for that damned oven mitt to flash the goods on camera? For that matter, does an oven mitt have ‘goods’ to flash? This is just weird… and yet, I’m strangely excited. Woo.
  • pick-a-boob — how hard could this possibly be, people? Look, it’s ‘left’ or it’s ‘right’, and in most cases, they’re pretty much the damned same, right? What’s to pick? Unless you’re that trimammaried girl from Total Recall, at least.
  • swim up bars in the United States — frankly, I’m not up on this list myself, though I’d very much like to be. Hell, I’ve considered flooding my basement, just do I could float up to the kitchen to grab a beer. But the wife won’t go for it. Meh.
  • bovine spongebob — what, ‘Spongebob’ is a cow, now? How the hell did this happen? And who ever heard of ‘Guernsey Squarepants’? Suddenly, I’m just violently uncomfortable. And thirsty for milk… but I’m sure that’s completely unrelated.
  • health effects of matchlight charcoal — well, I’m not expert, but I’m guessing that depends on what you’re doing with the charcoal. Me, I cook with it, and I haven’t noticed many ill effects at all. But if you’re smoking the things, or using them as any sort of ‘suppository’… well, then yeah, you’re probably gonna have some issues. Not cool.
  • barbi “sleep and keep” — I can’t help thinking this is some sort of weird, perverted thing that I’m just not privy to. And dammit, that makes me jealous. Tell me what this means!
  • stockings pippi groin — Um, yeah. Ditto the last one, pretty much. I don’t know how the hell this search got you here, but if you find any pictures… you know, call me.
  • yankee shithead — what? You mean Derek Jeter? Mariano Rivera? Or George Steinbrenner, maybe? Yeah, they’re both of those things, that’s for sure. What’s your point?
  • superzoom nude beach — I dunno… ‘superzoom? Frankly, I think I’d appreciate the exquisite joys that a nude beach might bring without seeing the pubic follicle-holes of whoever I’m ogling at. ‘Zoom’? Cool. ‘Superzoom’? Nah. That’s a little too real.
  • king dong pictures — Christ, man, don’t you get porn spam? Why the hell would you search for such a thing? I get thirty-eight emails a day offering that shit. Wake up and smell the Cialis, dude.

All right, that’s enough for tonight. Sorry for mainly slacking off on a Sunday, but hell — what are Sundays for, anyway? You can’t possibly expect me to put out for real every night, can you? Can you? Can you? What kind of animal perverts are you, anyway? Bitches.

Permalink  |  2 Comments



2 Responses to “Fun with Google, Take Three”

  1. Croila says:

    Talking about “animal perverts”, I get google referrals virtually every day for sheep porn.

    So the other week I gave them something worthwhile to reward them for their search! http://croila.typepad.com/croila/2004/05/sheep_porn.html

    Ugh!

  2. No Refunds says:

    Damn…this thing is full of rhetorical questions. ;)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail © 2003-15 Charlie Hatton All Rights Reserved
Highlights
Me on Film 'n' Stage:
  Drinkstorm Studios


Me on Science (silly):
  Secondhand SCIENCE


Me on Science (real):
  Meta Science News


Me on ZuG (RIP):
  Zolton's FB Pranks
  Zolton Does Amazon


Favorite Posts:
30 Facts: Alton Brown
A Commute Dreary
A Hallmark Moment
Blue's Clues Explained
Eight Your 5-Hole?
El Classo de Espanol
Good News for Goofballs
Grammar, Charlie-Style
Grammar, Revisitated
How I Feel About Hippos
How I Feel About Pinatas
How I Feel About Pirates
Life Is Like...
Life Is Also Like...
Smartass 101
Twelve Simple Rules
Unreal Reality Shows
V-Day for Dummies
Wheel of Misfortune
Zolton, Interview Demon

Me, Elsewhere

Features
Standup Comedy Clips

Selected Clips:
  09/10/05: Com. Studio
  04/30/05: Goodfellaz
  04/09/05: Com. Studio
  01/28/05: Com. Studio
  12/11/04: Emerald Isle
  09/06/04: Connection

Boston Comedy Clubs

 My 100 Things Posts

Selected Things:
  #6: My Stitches
  #7: My Name
  #11: My Spelling Bee
  #35: My Spring Break
  #36: My Skydives
  #53: My Memory
  #55: My Quote
  #78: My Pencil
  #91: My Family
  #100: My Poor Knee

More Features:

List of Lists
33 Faces of Me
Cliche-O-Matic
Punchline Fever
Simpsons Quotes
Quantum Terminology

Favorites
Banterist
...Bleeding Obvious
By Ken Levine
Defective Yeti
DeJENNerate
Divorced Dad of Two
Gallivanting Monkey
Junk Drawer
Life... Weirder
Little. Red. Boat.
Mighty Geek
Mitchieville
PCPPP
Scaryduck
Scott's Tip of the Day
Something Authorly
TGNP
Unlikely Explanations

Archives
Full Archive

Category Archives:

(Stupid) Computers
100Things
A Doofus Is Me
Articles 'n' Zines
Audience Participation
Awkward Conversations
Bits About Blogging
Bitter Old Man Rants
Blasts from My Past
Cars 'n' Drivers
Dog Drivel
Eek!Cards
Foodstuff Fluff
Fun with Words!
Googlicious!
Grooming Gaffes
Just Life
Loopy Lists
Making Fun of Jerks
Marketing Weenies
Married and a Moron
Miscellaneous Nonsense
Potty Talk / Yes, I'm a Pig
Sleep, and Lack Thereof
Standup
Tales from the Stage
Tasty Beverages
The Happy Homeowner
TV & Movies & Games, O My!
Uncategorized
Vacations 'n' Holidays
Weird for the Sake of Weird
Whither the Weather
Wicked Pissah Bahstan
Wide World o' Sports
Work, Work, Work
Zug

Heroes
Alas Smith and Jones
Berkeley Breathed
Bill Hicks
Dave Barry
Dexter's Laboratory
Douglas Adams
Evening at the Improv
Fawlty Towers
George Alec Effinger
Grover
Jake Johannsen
Married... With Children
Monty Python
Nick Bakay
Peter King
Ren and Stimpy
Rob Neyer
Sluggy Freelance
The Simpsons
The State

Plugs, Shameless
100 Best Humor Blogs | Healthy Moms Magazine

HumorSource

 

Feeds and More
Subscribe via FeedBurner

[Subscribe]

RDF
RSS 2.0
Atom
Credits
Site Hosting:
Solid Solutions

Powered by:
MovableType

Title Banner Photo:
Shirley Harshenin

Creative Commons License
  This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons License

Performancing Metrics

Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

Valid XHTML 1.0

Valid CSS!

© 2003-15 Charlie Hatton
All Rights Reserved