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Hey, It Counts… You’re All Invited, Too, Ya Know

Hey, folks. Look. Here’s the thing.

I got nothing tonight. And even if I had something, I got no time to get it to you. I put in sixteen hours at work yesterday (yes, Elmo, on the holiday — pity me, dammit!), got three hours of sleep, and put in another full day today. And now, my eyelids and ass are drooping to varying degrees, I’ve still got work to do tonight, and — oh, just by the way — it’s also my wedding anniversary.

(Yes, eight years, thanks so much. And ‘luckily’ — in an odd, vaguely sad way — my wife’s also buried under at work, and has been for the past couple of weeks. So when I wasn’t able to go out for a nice dinner and a night on the town to celebrate tonight, I didn’t find my clothes on the curb. As a matter of fact, I got home an hour or more before she did. And I scored points by ordering takeout sushi and Chinese food from a nice restaurant, so we’d have something tasty to eat in our jammy clothes at nine-thirty, when we finally got down to having dinner.

Anyway, it all worked out, even if it was a bit low-key. But we’re pretty low-key to begin with, most of the time.

Oh, and the flowers I brought home probably didn’t hurt, either. Hey, I’ve been doing this ‘married’ thing for eight years now — it’s not like I haven’t learned anything.)

So. Where the hell was I? Oh, right. ‘No time’. Gotcha.

Anyway, in lieu of being able to spend the quality time with you folks that I’d like to — and which you most richly deserve, of course — I thought I’d pass along an email that I just sent out to a few friends here in the Boston area. What with work kicking my ass up into my kidneys lately, I haven’t been doing many standup shows — and even called in to cancel a couple. But this should — should, dammit — be my last bad week for a while, so I’m gearing up again, and wanted to let the locals know.

And now, since I don’t have anything else to tell you, I’ll let you know, too. (Plus, I’ll do my besticles to get my last two shows, currently sitting patiently on the videocam, up and online soon.) So here’s the email I sent out — you’ll no doubt recognize the style, what with all the tangents and swearing and made-up words. (Hey, do what you’re best at, right? ‘To thine own drivel be true’.)

So, enjoy it, if you can. And hey, if you’re in or around Boston next week, stop by at a show and say hello. I’ll buy you a beer, and you can say, ‘Somehow, I thought you’d be girthier.‘ Or, um, something. Ahem.

Hey, nice people —

It’s been a while since I sent one of these mails out, but I’ve got a couple of shows coming up, and would just *squeal* like a happy little piggy if anybody wants to come out to have a look ‘n’ listen. Here’s the scoopage, for you interested parties:

On Sunday (Sunday! Sunday!), I’ll be doing a set at the Comedy Vault at Remingtons downtown. (124 Boylston St.; see their website for more info.) It’s a cool little joint, down in the basement of the place. And there really _is_ a vault down there, like in a real-life bank. No foolin’! The yuks kick off at 9pm; cover is either $7 or $10 (the web site’s not entirely clear on that point).

Then — then! — when your split sides and tickled ribs have just barely healed, there’s _more_ hilaritatiousness on Wednesday night, at the Comedy Studio in Cambridge. (1364 Mass. Ave, over the Hong Kong restaurant; see web site for more info.) And for that gig, I’m even *official* — no, really, I’m on the schedule; check it out! That show starts at 8pm, and cover is $7 at or near the door.

So, there you go. Many thanks and ‘I’m not worthy’s to all of you who’ve made it out to see a show or two in the past.

(Hey, if nothing else, you’ll have more fodder for your therapist. You’re all seeing shrinks, right? *Right?*

Eh. Come to a couple more shows. If you’re not mental yet, that oughta drive you over the edge. Eekers.)

Anyway, hope to see you at one show or the other. I may even manage to work up a different set for each night, so you can come to _both_, if you have that kind of tolerance for political wisecracks and over-the-top ass jokes.

(Not from _me_, of course. It’s those *other* comedians. Degenerate bastards.

Well, okay, maybe I’ll do just a _couple_ of ass jokes. I mean, I have to fit in, now, don’t I?)

All right, I’ll let you go now. Thanks for reading this far, and I’ll see you guys soon.

So, there you go. Now you can’t say I’ve never sent you an email, exactly. You may wish I’d never sent you an email, but there it is, anyway. Can’t take it back. Nyah. G’night, folks!