Original humor & comedy articles daily weblog

Okay, the ‘Contest’ Is Over…

…you can all go back to ignoring me now.

But many thanks and kudos and congratumalations to Riri, who stopped by last night at just the right time to become this site’s 50,000th visitor.

(And that doesn’t even count the three thousand times a day I check it myself! Woo hoo!)

Anyway, go give Riri a visit, over at Riri’s Brain Dump. By way of thanks, Riri, I’ve used the handy button on your site to make a donation to your Weekend to End Breast Cancer efforts. Thanks, and best of luck with the walk next month!

(And no, the rest of you, I’m not going to tell you exactly how much I donated. I’m shy like that.

I will say that it’s somewhere between $1 and $1000. And that it’s probably a lot closer to $1.

But not that close. It’s not $2, for instance. Or $3. And that’s all I’m going to say.

So immediately, you smartasses are going to think it’s $4, aren’t you? Jeez. Well, it’s not $4. Now leave me alone.

Oh, I know what you’re thinking — ‘It must be $5. What a cheap-ass!‘ Well, it’s not $5. And I’m really not saying any more. You can’t make me. Shoo!)

Okay, that’s all for now. The rest of you will just have to wait until I can manage to entice 100,000 people here for your next chance at free loot (or donations, whichever I’m in the mood for).

But look on the bright side — it only took… lessee, fourteen months or so for the first 50,000 hits. And the first couple of months pulled no eyeballs at all. So there’s a fairly good chance that by this time next year, we’ll hit another milestone.

(Assuming, of course, that the horny douchebags of the world continue to barrage this place with searches for ‘nude Stripperella‘ and ‘Holly McPeak’s pokey volleyball nipples‘ and ‘FHM pics of Rachel Ray’s enormous gaping mouth‘.

And I think I just guaranteed that they will, for a couple of months more, at least. Ah, well. Pervert eyeballs are still eyeballs, right? Maybe one of them will stick around for the silliness, instead of moving along to get all ‘sticky‘ elsewhere.

Yeah, probably not. Ah, well. The rest of you folks are still reading this, and that’s what really counts. So thanks, and go say hi to Riri. And then come back! At least by next August — there are fabulous prizes on the line! Fabulous! Prizes! Line! What more could you want, dammit?

You Feel Lucky Today, Punk? Well? Do Ya?

Hey, there!

Not to whip this out at the last second or anything (and no, I don’t ‘say that to all the girls’, ya numbnuts), but this little blog here is rapidly approaching a milestone. With just 15 or so more hits, it’ll pass over the 50,000 mark. Woo!

And, to show my appreciation (same as I did with the 10,000th and 20,000th visitors — just ask Sabrina, who owns both titles; what are the odds?), I’d like to buy the 50,000th audience member a trinket or bauble from their wish list. Just to say thanks.

So, basically, if you see this post before about… oh, I dunno, maybe 8-9pm on Thursday, then drop me a comment. If I can match your message up to your email address — and, yes, if you’ve got a site with a wish list, or we can negotiate some sort of arrangement — then you’ll soon be receiving a big fat package, with lots of love from me.

(And yes, as a matter of fact, I do use the ‘big fat package with lots of love’ on all the girls. So nyah!)

Anyway, there you have it. Thanks to all of you who’ve dropped in to say hi, and best of luck to anyone looking for free swag on a Thursday. And rock on, 50k! Woot!

Well, It Was a Sad Day, Anyway

Man, this is a sad, sorry day.

I like to think that I deliver the goods, you know? That I can get in there and throw down with the best of them — that once the ‘juices’ get flowing, I can last just as long and go just as hard as anybody out there. And even show some talent in there somewhere, too, if the stars are lined up just right. I like to think that I can usually leave someone with a smile on their face — or even better, a little wobbly in the knees.

But jeez, now there’s this: I posted a tiny little snippet of a post today, and found — for the first time possibly ever — that the sidebars on my site are longer than the content in the middle! Do you know what that means?! In an entire week, I haven’t been able to out-write the space my list of links takes up! Shit!

(And yes, dammit, I’ve been talking about writing this whole time — I don’t know what kind of other idea you had up there, but we’re talking about writing. Wri. Ting. Pervert.)

Anyway, I don’t know how this could have happened. Usually, I’ve got pages and pages and pages of drivel to scroll through in a week. I can look at the last post or two, and not even remember what the hell I wrote. Or what I was talking about, or why someone hasn’t put me in a damned ‘home‘ by now.

But now I look at the page, and that little middle textbox of crap ends before the blogroll even runs out. My world is crumbling! My keyboard drieth up! Oh, the humanity!

Of course… now I’ve been bitching about my lack of posts for several paragraphs. And there are some line breaks and stuff in there, too. Why, I bet that if I just post this little rant, then everything will be back to normal. Barely, mind you — but I can fix the larger problem later. I’ll have way more time to write after next week, when work settles down again. In the meantime, I just have to stay ahead of my sidebars — otherwise, what the hell am I doing here, right?

So, ‘whew‘! That was close. For just a few minutes there, I wasn’t doing my job. Well, this job, anyway. And given that it’s now close to 11 am, and I’m writing this, it seems that there’s another job — a more demanding and frustrating, but infinitely better-paying job — that I’m also neglecting. So I’d probably better get to that, lest they offer to give me all the free time I want to do this job. Which would be fine, of course, except that I’d have to do this job living out of my car. So, no thanks.

Anyway, I think we’ve managed to avert the crisis. There are once again plenty enough words here to keep me happy, and (hopefully) keep you entertained. So, while I’m off making money, hop in there and read a few, dammit. It’s not the best bunch of bullshit I’ve ever put together, but it’s all we’ve got this week, I’m afraid. And maybe it’s just enough to make you a little weak in the knees, after all. I know I am. Adios!