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Charlie Hatton
Brookline, MA
We’re almost through our week of blogging in absentia, and most of the features — new and old — have been covered. But there’s still one, near and dear to the old heart, that we have to get to — the wild, woolly, and always wondrous Cliche-O-Matic.
So please, kind folks, make your way down the ramp, through the doorway, and past the screaming children to the Cliche-O-Matic, where you’ll find five (that’s five!) new cliches ready and waiting for your obsessive clicking.
(And an extra-special tip of the cap to ‘Frank’, a kindly reader who offered the inspiration and suggestion for shiny new cliches #23 and #24. Much appreciated, Frank!)
“Will I have strange and scary tales from Meh-hi-co to tell? Tequila hangovers? Montezuma’s revenge?”
As for me, I should be flying back into town sometime tonight, so I suppose I’ll be back to my old posting tricks tomorrow. Will I have strange and scary tales from Meh-hi-co to tell? Tequila hangovers? Montezuma’s revenge? It’s hard to say, since I’m writing this now, before I’ve even left. Maybe I’ll win a Mexican lottery, and never come back at all. Or start blogging in Espanol. That’d show you gringos, es la verdad!
At any rate, I hope you’ve enjoyed the whirlwind week of feature updates and rollouts. Or, if the scheduling software went all haywire, then I hope you enjoyed a nice, peaceful week free from my constant nattering. Either way, I’ll be back soon, and with a vengeance of some kind, I’m sure. Vaya con dios, amigos!
Permalink | No CommentsThis entry has two purposes.
First, I want to continue my theme of ‘feature updates in absentia‘ during my vacation week, and point your attention to the new material lovingly added to the Simpsons Quotes Page. Last week, I added over 150 quotes from more than 25 episodes to the ever-growing stack of ass-kissing and vitriol.
(Okay, so it was 152 quotes, and exactly 26 episodes. That’s still ‘over’ 150 and 25. Just not far over. I never promised you actual effort, dig?)
“With almost 600 quotes and 127 episodes represented, it’s like your own private animated sass-talking extravaganza.”
For you new kids, the Simpsons quotes are my version of book-jacket endorsements. Nobody famous is likely to say nice things about me — or to say mean and nasty things, for that matter — so I’ve taken it upon myself to pretend that the Simpsons are talking about me. Or to me. Or making snide comments behind my back. You get a fresh quote every time you visit or reload a page, or you can see them all at once on the Simpsons Quotes Page. With almost 600 quotes and 127 episodes represented, it’s like your own private animated sass-talking extravaganza. Good stuff.
However, I’ve found — much to my shock and amazement — that occasionally a real person will say nice things about the site. And the second point of this post is to share the nicest — or at least, my favorite — with you.
It seems there’s a kind and fun-loving young chica with a MySpace page who enjoyed my description of a man’s unfortunate haircut. She was kind enough to share the tale with her friends, with an attribution and a link back here, which is just peachy with me. Glad to brighten a few days, if I can.
The real treat for me, though, lay in the comments on the site, where I found a claim I’ve never heard claimed before — particularly not claimed in my direction:
‘i want to have babies with his writing.‘
I’m not sure quite what to say to that, so I’ll simply say, ‘thank you’. Also, let me assure you: if I ever write an actual book, and that book has a jacket, and that jacket needs quotes of any kind, the quote above will be the first one on the cover. Hell, it might even be the book title. That’d save a lot of time, too.
(For the record, my writing says it’s flattered, but it really wouldn’t make a good father. It’s irresponsible, can’t hold down a decent job, and every third word out of its mouth is filth. Also, it won’t give up its seat to elderly ladies on the bus, and sometimes I catch it humping the fire hydrant on the corner.
Oh, super. I just realized my writing is the literary equivalent of Tom Arnold. That’s gonna leave a mark.)
Anyway, thanks for the kind words. If ever again I spot someone with a haircut worse than mine, I’ll be sure to work it into a post. It’s not damned likely, unfortunately, but I’ll be on the lookout.
Hey, if that’s what it takes to fill up a book jacket, I’ll dance for my quotes. Pride? What pride?
Permalink | No CommentsJust to show that I can be lazy on a Sunday even when I’m not actually here, I’ll eschew the usual yuks and get right to a new feature that might actually be useful for some of you.
Every so often, I scout around for the current crop of weblog resources — search engines, feed readers, directories, and the like. Partly, I like to keep up on the new features and technologies out there. And partly, I’m interested in finding new ways to discover interesting sites.
“If the ‘net were a beachcomber, I’d be the sand in its swimming trunks. That’s just how I roll.”
Mostly, of course, I just want my site’s name jammed into every conceivable nook and cranny of the interweb. If the ‘net were a beachcomber, I’d be the sand in its swimming trunks. That’s just how I roll.
Anyway, my obsessive bouts of self-promotion aside, I find it useful to know which blogging resources are currently available, and to buddy up with as many as are remotely relevant. And it occurs to me that some of you with weblogs as well might be interested in doing the same. So I thought I’d share. I’m a sweetie that way.
The rationale thusly explained, I’m happy to offer my revamped, updated, full-color, and ‘oh-so-much better than the one I used to have’ Weblog Affiliations Page. It’s not meant to be a comprehensive list; just a rundown of all the blog-related gadgets and directories that haven’t kicked me out yet.
Links are provided to sites in several categories, for those of you who are keen to explore for yourselves. Or those of you keen to get your grubby little eyeballs on every single reference to this fair weblog, no matter the seedy and disgusting places you’ll have to travel to do so. You know who you are, you filthy little monkeys.
(And so do I — we should have coffee sometime. Call me!)
Anyway, that’s all for now. Tune in tomorrow for another installment in the Vacation Week Parade o’ Feature Updates. Meanwhile, I’ll be sipping mai tais on a beach somewhere, working on my tan. Don’t hate me because I’m bronzed and tipsy, folks. It’s not often I get the pleasure.
Permalink | 1 CommentYou can’t possibly be expecting much from me today. I get lazy with weekend posts even when I’m around. And this weekend I’m on vacation, so you know you’re scraping the bottom of the barrel.
(Hey, what do you want? I’m probably curled up in a sombrero somewhere right now, sleeping off a tequila-soaked game of ‘Sling the Burrito‘.
I don’t even know if that’s a euphemism. I’ll tell you when I get home, muchacho.)
Anyway, I realized a while back that although I’ve claimed to have performed standup for two full years, you’ve got no real evidence of a single tasteless public punchline since April of last year.
Until now.
So please, have a gander at the newly-updated Standup Comedy Journal feature. Nine clips from summer through winter of 2005 are loaded and awaiting your stunned silence and sadly shaking heads.
“While you now have evidence of my more recent public humiliations, there’s nothing to suggest that I haven’t switched over to telling jokes in an unlit broom closet.”
Unfortunately, the video quality on many of these clips leaves a bit to be desired. A bit of light, to be exact. While you now have evidence of my more recent public humiliations, there’s nothing to suggest that I haven’t switched over to telling jokes in an unlit broom closet. I’ll see what I can do about that when I return home. In the meantime, feel free to treat them as audio-only clips, and shake sadly along with the studio audience.
If you haven’t seen — or just heard, in this case — any of the comedy clips here, please allow me to recommend the two September shows from the Comedy Studio in Cambridge as an excellent starting point. Those were sets I performed on back-to-back weekend nights, with different material in each and generally warm crowd reactions.
Which means those also probably make an excellent ending point, since most of the other clips are missing either a sizable crowd, a receptive crowd, and/or me actually being arguably funny. So it’s nice to have those two shows — even if you can’t actually see me in them at this point.
Anyway, check one out if you’ve got a fast connection and a few minutes to kill. Maybe I’ll have more to upload later this year, once the itch to ridicule myself in front of strangers returns.
(No, I don’t see how writing here doesn’t satisfy that itch, either. Maybe it’s because I can’t actually hear you booing your monitor. Who knows?)
All right, that’s all you get today. It’s the weekend; go mow the lawn or take a nap or round up the gang for a game of ‘Pin the Taquito on the Senorita‘ or something. I’m on vacation. Shoo!
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