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If I Had a Dime for Every Cliche You Can Make...

Have you ever found yourself at a loss for words? Do you have trouble finding just the right glib quote for the situation? Or do you get tired of always churning out the same tired old cliches as everyone else? 'Hungry enough to eat a horse'? 'That's the way the cookie crumbles'? Puh-lease.

If you've been afflicted with any of these problems, then fear not, friends. There's a new small-talk sheriff in town, and its name is The Cliche-O-Matic ™. Use it any time you need a hip new catch phrase. Memorize a few, and set the trend at your next office function or dinner party. Or simply stick it to stodgy old Morris in accounting and his folksy, age-worn bullshit. 'There's more than one way to skin a cat', he says. Boooo-ring.

How does The Cliche-O-Matic work, you ask? Well, it's simple. Just select the situation or example from the list below, click the corresponding button, and The Cliche-O-Matic will respond with your next pithy take on the matter. Our linguistic technicians and semantic engineers have worked tirelessly to bring you the finest in state-of-the-art semi-random... no, make that mostly-random cliche construction technology. They may not always make sense, but they will make a splash. We promise they'll make you look like the 'sharpest tool in the shed'. Or the 'wiggliest dildo on the nightstand'. Or something. You never know what you're going to get with:

The Cliche-O-Matic

Situation #1: Desperation (e.g., 'I'm so hungry, I could eat a horse!')

I'm so , I could a !  

Situation #2: Surprise (e.g., 'You could have knocked me over with a feather!')

You could have me with a/an !  

Situation #3: Skepticism (e.g., 'Don't piss on my leg and tell me it's raining!')

Don't on my and tell me it's !  

Situation #4: Stupidity (e.g., 'She's not the sharpest tool in the shed!')

She's not the in/on the !  

Situation #5: Wishfulness (e.g., 'The grass is always greener on the other side!')

The is/are always in/on the !  

Situation #6: Ingenuity (e.g., 'There's more than one way to skin a cat!')

There's more than one way to a/an !  

Situation #7: Cautiousness (e.g., 'It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye!')

It's all and until someone a/an !  

Situation #8: Disappointment (e.g., 'That's the way the cookie crumbles!')

That's the way the !  

Situation #9: Anticipation (e.g., 'The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step!')

The of a begins with a single !  

Situation #10: Philosophy (e.g., 'Some days you're the hydrant; some days you're the dog!')

Some days you're the ; some days you're the !  

Situation #11: New Opportunities (e.g., 'There are plenty of other fish in the sea!')

There are plenty of other in the !  

Situation #12: Ignorance (e.g., 'He doesn't know shit from shinola!')

He doesn't know from !  

Situation #13: Defiance (e.g., 'That which does not kill me will only make me stronger!')

That which does not me will only make me !  

Situation #14: Building Consensus (e.g., 'Let's run it up the flagpole and see who salutes!')

Let's it the and see who !  

Situation #15: Disgust (e.g., 'I need that like I need a hole in my head!')

I need that like I need a/an in my !  

Situation #16: Appreciation (e.g., 'You're the bee's knees!')

You're the 's !  

Situation #17: Anger (e.g., 'That really burns my ass!')

That really my !  

Situation #18: Conciliation (e.g., 'Don't get your undies in a bunch!')

Don't get your in a !  

Situation #19: (Sexual) Futility (e.g., 'It'd be like throwing a hotdog down a hallway!')

It'd be like throwing a/an down a/an !  

Situation #20: Hope (e.g., 'I can see the light at the end of the tunnel!')

I can see the at the end of the !  

Situation #21: Equality (e.g., 'What's good for the goose is good for the gander!')

What's for the is for the !  

Situation #22: Aloofness (e.g., 'That and a quarter will get you a cup of coffee!')

That and a/an will get you a/an !  

Situation #23: Astonishment (e.g., 'Well, slap my ass and call me Charlie!')

Well, my and call me !  

Situation #24: Exploration (e.g., 'Let's try it just for shits and giggles!')

Let's try it just for and !  

Situation #25: Reality Check (e.g., 'You can't put the toothpaste back in the tube!')

You can't put the back in the !  

Situation #26: Romance (e.g., 'The way to a man's heart is through the stomach!')

The way to a/an 's is through the !  

Situation #27: Optimism (e.g., 'It's always darkest before the dawn!')

It's always before the !  

Situation #28: Proper Nutrition (e.g., 'An apple a day keeps the doctor away!')

A/an a keeps the !  

Situation #29: Perserverance (e.g., 'If at first you don't succeed, try try again!')

If at first you don't , again!  

Situation #30: Prudence (e.g., 'Fools rush in where angels fear to tread!')

Fools where fear to !  

Situation #31: Aesthetics (e.g., 'Beauty is in the eye of the beholder!')

is in the of the !  

Situation #32: Patience (e.g., 'Don't count your chickens before they hatch!')

Don't your before they !  

Situation #33: Good Fortune (e.g., 'Even a blind squirrel will find a nut sometimes!')

Even a will find a sometimes!  

Situation #34: Initiative (e.g., 'Sometimes you have to take the bull by the horns!')

Sometimes you have to the by the !  

Situation #35: Tough Choices (e.g., 'You can't make an omelette without breaking some eggs!')

You can't a/an without some !  


um, can I get a cliche-o-matic installed on my computer? this is MUCHO fun!

OK, I HAVE to have an embed code for my myspace. This shit is priceless!

Elisa, I hear you calling over the decades ;-)

I would also like to see exclaimations, along the lines of "Sweet Fancy Moses".

rofl, it's all fuzzy bunnies and nipples clamps until someone blows a coconut.


Nearly sprayed coffee out my nose!

Awful and wonderful, but you need to have a much larger word bank.

This site is more fun than flossing a llama!

"Sometimes you're the clamp; sometimes you're the nipple" is now a part of my regular list of expressions.

"That and a dildo will get you a bagel" runs a close second.

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