Charlie Hatton About This
About Me
Email Me

Charlie Hatton
Brookline, MA

All Quotes


Howdy, friendly reading person!
I'm on a bit of a hiatus right now, but only to work on other projects -- one incredibly exciting example being the newly-released kids' science book series Things That Make You Go Yuck!
If you're a science and/or silliness fan, give it a gander! See you soon!

Zolton Does Amazon: Home Sweet Home Office

Zolton Does Amazon: Home Sweet Home Office

I originally wrote this piece for, for use on the late, great comedy site Text and images published here with permission.

I’ve recently been given the opportunity to work at home. By which I mean, the boss told me that “nobody in this office wants to look at your dumb face any more.”

“Opportunity,” “ostracism.” It’s all semantics.

Whatever you call it, my face and I needed to set up a home office. And since we both believe in “Safety First!“, we pledged to make our new workspace fully ergonomic. No carpal tunnels or wonky necks or bulgy strained eyes in this office. No, sir.

Of course, I needed a few “creative” office supplies to make it happen, and reliable old was there for me again. Read on to see how I took the home office “off the hook” — and read my actual Amazon reviews of all the products used. Ergonomics never hurt so good.

Microbead Roll Pillow

My Amazon Review:

I’ve seen the fancy gel “wrist rests” for keyboards. But those are expensive and squishy and when the gel sac breaks, what’s it good for then? Ghetto hair gel? Replacement Vaseline? Emergency Jell-O? Pass.

I bought this pillow and used it to rest on when typing. On the downside, it’s pretty tall, so it was tough to stretch my hands all the way down to the keys. I had to lean way over to see what I was typing.

Now all I have to worry about is repetitive snoring syndrome. I can live with that.

Which was also the upside, because when that got tiring, I just fell over and took a nap. And this pillow is really comfortable, and tolerates being drooled on nicely. I don’t know if I was sleeping “ergonomically,” but it sure beat doing more TPS reports.

Mesh Office Chair

My Amazon Review:

I heard it’s important to take frequent breaks while you’re working at a computer, getting up every few minutes to stretch out and reset. So I wanted an ergonomic chair that looked a little awkward, thinking it would make me uncomfortable and remind me to move around.

I tried this chair out, but it’s actually quite comfortable. I worked a whole day straight through without a single break. Sure, I got a lot accomplished — but I didn’t feel “ergonomic.”

So the next day, I sat in it sideways with my knees over one arm. Still too comfortable; I could actually tolerate sitting that way for over an hour at a time. No good. Finally, I turned the chair backwards and sat with my feet stretched out past the back.

Welcome … to the mesh chair o’ nightmares!

That helped a lot — now I take a break and move around every five minutes or so, either voluntarily or by tipping over backwards onto my head. My old officemates say on video chats it looks like I’m giving birth to some kind of mutant mesh-covered radar dish — but that’s just ergo-jealousy. I see it in their beady carpal-tunneled little eyes.

Wireless Keyboard

My Amazon Review:

If I really wanted to cast off the shackles of workplace injury, I had to escape from the desk. With this keyboard, I can type in any position — sitting in my chair, holding it in my lap, lying on the floor, or stretched out on the couch.

ESPECIALLY stretched out on the couch.

Granted, I can’t see the monitor from there, but as long as the keyboard is in my hands — or by my feet, or under my head while I’m dozing — then I’m “working.” An awful lot of my emails start out “Dear fksannnnnnn…”, but that’s a small price to pay for eliminating repetitive motion injuries and wonky back spasms. Awesome product!

Yet another chance to sleep my way to the bottom.

Rumblepad Wireless Game Controller

My Amazon Review:

I’ve always heard that standard computer mice are bad for your wrists. So I picked up this wireless joystick to move the cursor more ergonomically in all my business-related software.

Also, when I’m surfing the web. And for shooting zombies and aliens and terrorists in video games. And let’s be fair — in a home “office,” what else would I be doing while I’m sitting at my desk?

The controller works well for all those things — smooth controls, quick response, and no trouble connecting with the wireless adapter. If I had one tiny request, it would be a feature that makes the joystick vibrate when the webcam comes on, since my boss likes to videoconference me without any warning.

Usually while I’m in the middle of a wargame, and making faces not typically associated with, say, Microsoft Excel. I’d give it TEN stars, if it could weasel me out of that.

“Oh, hi boss. Uh, just going over my last employee review … why do you ask?”

Join in on the prank! Click the links to see each real-life Amazon review, then mark them as “helpful” so they rise to the top of the list on Amazon. Or click here to read and rate the entire library of Zolton reviews!

Permalink  |  No Comments

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail © 2003-15 Charlie Hatton All Rights Reserved
Me on Film 'n' Stage:
  Drinkstorm Studios

Me on Science (silly):
  Secondhand SCIENCE

Me on Science (real):
  Meta Science News

Me on ZuG (RIP):
  Zolton's FB Pranks
  Zolton Does Amazon

Favorite Posts:
30 Facts: Alton Brown
A Commute Dreary
A Hallmark Moment
Blue's Clues Explained
Eight Your 5-Hole?
El Classo de Espanol
Good News for Goofballs
Grammar, Charlie-Style
Grammar, Revisitated
How I Feel About Hippos
How I Feel About Pinatas
How I Feel About Pirates
Life Is Like...
Life Is Also Like...
Smartass 101
Twelve Simple Rules
Unreal Reality Shows
V-Day for Dummies
Wheel of Misfortune
Zolton, Interview Demon

Me, Elsewhere

Standup Comedy Clips

Selected Clips:
  09/10/05: Com. Studio
  04/30/05: Goodfellaz
  04/09/05: Com. Studio
  01/28/05: Com. Studio
  12/11/04: Emerald Isle
  09/06/04: Connection

Boston Comedy Clubs

 My 100 Things Posts

Selected Things:
  #6: My Stitches
  #7: My Name
  #11: My Spelling Bee
  #35: My Spring Break
  #36: My Skydives
  #53: My Memory
  #55: My Quote
  #78: My Pencil
  #91: My Family
  #100: My Poor Knee

More Features:

List of Lists
33 Faces of Me
Punchline Fever
Simpsons Quotes
Quantum Terminology

...Bleeding Obvious
By Ken Levine
Defective Yeti
Divorced Dad of Two
Gallivanting Monkey
Junk Drawer
Life... Weirder
Little. Red. Boat.
Mighty Geek
Scott's Tip of the Day
Something Authorly
Unlikely Explanations

Full Archive

Category Archives:

(Stupid) Computers
A Doofus Is Me
Articles 'n' Zines
Audience Participation
Awkward Conversations
Bits About Blogging
Bitter Old Man Rants
Blasts from My Past
Cars 'n' Drivers
Dog Drivel
Foodstuff Fluff
Fun with Words!
Grooming Gaffes
Just Life
Loopy Lists
Making Fun of Jerks
Marketing Weenies
Married and a Moron
Miscellaneous Nonsense
Potty Talk / Yes, I'm a Pig
Sleep, and Lack Thereof
Tales from the Stage
Tasty Beverages
The Happy Homeowner
TV & Movies & Games, O My!
Vacations 'n' Holidays
Weird for the Sake of Weird
Whither the Weather
Wicked Pissah Bahstan
Wide World o' Sports
Work, Work, Work

Alas Smith and Jones
Berkeley Breathed
Bill Hicks
Dave Barry
Dexter's Laboratory
Douglas Adams
Evening at the Improv
Fawlty Towers
George Alec Effinger
Jake Johannsen
Married... With Children
Monty Python
Nick Bakay
Peter King
Ren and Stimpy
Rob Neyer
Sluggy Freelance
The Simpsons
The State

Plugs, Shameless
100 Best Humor Blogs | Healthy Moms Magazine



Feeds and More
Subscribe via FeedBurner


RSS 2.0
Site Hosting:
Solid Solutions

Powered by:

Title Banner Photo:
Shirley Harshenin

Creative Commons License
  This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons License

Performancing Metrics

Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

Valid XHTML 1.0

Valid CSS!

© 2003-15 Charlie Hatton
All Rights Reserved