Charlie Hatton About This
About Me
Email Me

Charlie Hatton
Brookline, MA

All Quotes


Howdy, friendly reading person!
I'm on a bit of a hiatus right now, but only to work on other projects -- one incredibly exciting example being the newly-released kids' science book series Things That Make You Go Yuck!
If you're a science and/or silliness fan, give it a gander! See you soon!

Please, Mommy, Not Another Meetin’!

Oh man, am I scrambled.

I had one of those long, looooong meetings after-hours at work tonight.

(Well, ‘after hours’ for most people. When you roll in around ten or eleven most days, you tend to have a slightly skewed notion of what the workday entails. One schlub’s quitting time is another schlub’s lunch bell, and all of that.)

Still, when your first significant accomplishment of the day is managing to survive a two-hour meeting, your first thought is not: ‘Gee, I sure hope we can pile another couple of hours on, after five. Golly, Beav, that’d be ever so swell!

(And that first marathon session happens every week, people. Week! Not once a month, or bi-annually, or when Jupiter’s moons line up just right with John Goodman’s fat ass — I’m talking week.

Is it any wonder I’ve started bringing an eye-poker to work on Tuesdays? Now the only question is whether to use it on myself or others. Hmmmm…)

Anyway, it wasn’t so much the timing of this last meeting — or even that it came on the heels of another, as much as my bitching ought to make it so. No, the worst part about this damned meeting was that I had to think for it, and frankly, at that point, I simply didn’t have my thinking pants on any more. I barely had pants on at all. I was a mess.

So, we went ’round and ’round over all sorts of high-level conceptual stuff, and worked out scenarios, and agreed that we had all of our bases covered… and then, in ten minutes after the meeting, one little ‘can I just clarify? question from a co-worker unraveled the whole damned thing in my head. By the time I left to come home, drooling and slack-jawed, I didn’t know what the hell our plan was, or ought to be. On the S.S. Minnow of life, color me Gilliganed. If anyone needs me, I’ll be banging my head against a coconut tree on the other side of the lagoon.

Of course, it’s not all that bad — on the way home, I went back over some basics, and convinced myself that I understand some of what we ought to do. I started small, with pure, simple facts that I knew to be true — like, ‘the data loader has to handle redundancies‘ and ‘our damned deadline is next week‘ and ‘I have a penis‘.

(Had to look that last one up, just to be sure. And I nearly swerved into a Volvo. Remind me to check my penis before I get behind the wheel next time, would you?)

Anyway, I worked from a few basic premises up to more complicated notions, and I think I talked myself back into a plan before my head began throbbing from the exertion. So — assuming I remember any of the bullshit I fed myself tomorrow — I should be ready to hit the ground running in the morning. Running off a cliff, perhaps, or headlong into a den of rabid, chatty Golden Girls afficionados, but still — running is running. Who cares which direction ‘correct’ is, right? I’m just happy to have my mental sneakers on again.

But, I have to admit, all of that building-up and tearing-down and building-partway-back-up again has left me all tuckered out up there. The old brain seems to have shut down early for the night — I’m having trouble focusing on the screen, and I think I’m drooling on the keyboard — more than usual, even. Plus, my short-term memory is lapsing.

(Speaking of which, hold on…

Yep! Still got that penis. Just checking. Can never be too sure with that thing, you know. Slippery little devil.)

So, before I talk myself back out of understanding that shit from work tonight — and before any of us has to endure another peenie perusal — I think I’ll call it a night. Sorry not to be able to hit you with a real topic tonight, but hey — having your brain blended into a pink frothy goo by four hours of meetings will do that to you.

(And that’s how I know it’s bedtime — I just let ‘pink frothy goo’ go, without making some lewd, unnatural sexual innuendo. or even whipping out the old Homer Simpson ‘Mmmmmm… pink frothy goo… *nnnnnggghhhhh*

See, a perky, well-rested Charlie would be all over that, like Oprah on Nilla Wafers. But not right now. Not me. And that’s sad.

But it’s not like I’m dead, fer chrissakes — I can still make an effort: ‘Mmmmm… ‘Oprah wafers’…. *nnnngggghhhhh*‘ Howzat?)

Okay, it’s time we wrapped this puppy up and scuttled off to dreamland. I’ll see you kids again on Hump Day. G’night!

Permalink  |  2 Comments

2 Responses to “Please, Mommy, Not Another Meetin’!”

  1. #Debi says:

    Omigod, that mug is awesome…

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail © 2003-15 Charlie Hatton All Rights Reserved
Me on Film 'n' Stage:
  Drinkstorm Studios

Me on Science (silly):
  Secondhand SCIENCE

Me on Science (real):
  Meta Science News

Me on ZuG (RIP):
  Zolton's FB Pranks
  Zolton Does Amazon

Favorite Posts:
30 Facts: Alton Brown
A Commute Dreary
A Hallmark Moment
Blue's Clues Explained
Eight Your 5-Hole?
El Classo de Espanol
Good News for Goofballs
Grammar, Charlie-Style
Grammar, Revisitated
How I Feel About Hippos
How I Feel About Pinatas
How I Feel About Pirates
Life Is Like...
Life Is Also Like...
Smartass 101
Twelve Simple Rules
Unreal Reality Shows
V-Day for Dummies
Wheel of Misfortune
Zolton, Interview Demon

Me, Elsewhere

Standup Comedy Clips

Selected Clips:
  09/10/05: Com. Studio
  04/30/05: Goodfellaz
  04/09/05: Com. Studio
  01/28/05: Com. Studio
  12/11/04: Emerald Isle
  09/06/04: Connection

Boston Comedy Clubs

 My 100 Things Posts

Selected Things:
  #6: My Stitches
  #7: My Name
  #11: My Spelling Bee
  #35: My Spring Break
  #36: My Skydives
  #53: My Memory
  #55: My Quote
  #78: My Pencil
  #91: My Family
  #100: My Poor Knee

More Features:

List of Lists
33 Faces of Me
Punchline Fever
Simpsons Quotes
Quantum Terminology

...Bleeding Obvious
By Ken Levine
Defective Yeti
Divorced Dad of Two
Gallivanting Monkey
Junk Drawer
Life... Weirder
Little. Red. Boat.
Mighty Geek
Scott's Tip of the Day
Something Authorly
Unlikely Explanations

Full Archive

Category Archives:

(Stupid) Computers
A Doofus Is Me
Articles 'n' Zines
Audience Participation
Awkward Conversations
Bits About Blogging
Bitter Old Man Rants
Blasts from My Past
Cars 'n' Drivers
Dog Drivel
Foodstuff Fluff
Fun with Words!
Grooming Gaffes
Just Life
Loopy Lists
Making Fun of Jerks
Marketing Weenies
Married and a Moron
Miscellaneous Nonsense
Potty Talk / Yes, I'm a Pig
Sleep, and Lack Thereof
Tales from the Stage
Tasty Beverages
The Happy Homeowner
TV & Movies & Games, O My!
Vacations 'n' Holidays
Weird for the Sake of Weird
Whither the Weather
Wicked Pissah Bahstan
Wide World o' Sports
Work, Work, Work

Alas Smith and Jones
Berkeley Breathed
Bill Hicks
Dave Barry
Dexter's Laboratory
Douglas Adams
Evening at the Improv
Fawlty Towers
George Alec Effinger
Jake Johannsen
Married... With Children
Monty Python
Nick Bakay
Peter King
Ren and Stimpy
Rob Neyer
Sluggy Freelance
The Simpsons
The State

Plugs, Shameless
100 Best Humor Blogs | Healthy Moms Magazine



Feeds and More
Subscribe via FeedBurner


RSS 2.0
Site Hosting:
Solid Solutions

Powered by:

Title Banner Photo:
Shirley Harshenin

Creative Commons License
  This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons License

Performancing Metrics

Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

Valid XHTML 1.0

Valid CSS!

© 2003-15 Charlie Hatton
All Rights Reserved