Charlie Hatton About This
About Me
Email Me

Charlie Hatton
Brookline, MA

All Quotes


Howdy, friendly reading person!
I'm on a bit of a hiatus right now, but only to work on other projects -- one incredibly exciting example being the newly-released kids' science book series Things That Make You Go Yuck!
If you're a science and/or silliness fan, give it a gander! See you soon!

Oh Sure, I Can Have That Tomorrow! No Problem!

Sometimes, I think I’m too eager to please.

Oh, it’s okay to be that way around here — I can set up outlandish expectations for myself, the better to entertain you, or bore you, or confuse you with. And that’s fine. I’ll post every day, and blab as many words as I can, whatever. I’m here for you, folks. I’ll find a way.

But I think I’ve got to stop being so eager in other areas of my life. Take work, for instance. I remember, back in the day, when I was just a wide-eyed young pup — I could set too-short deadlines, and promise the moon and the stars, and actually back that shit up and deliver. I was ultra-motivated back then, hungry. Sleep meant nothing, I laughed — haughtily, even — at deadlines, and spent much of my considerable energy on getting shit done. I was a monster… a go-getter… an unstoppable, focused dynamo.

(Yeah, fine — I was a cocky, brownnosing weenie. Shaddup. Who’s tellin’ this story, anyway?)

Well. How things have changed.

Oh, I still promise the moon and the stars.

(Sometimes, even a planet or two. I especially like to promise Uranus. Heh.

Dude, how ’bout if I give you Uranus, too?

Would you like Uranus, while I’m at it?

Hey, let’s just buckle down and get Uranus on the schedule, too. Whaddaya say?

Yeah, the chicks dig me. Why do you ask?)

All right. What the hell was I saying? Oh, being a putz at work. Of course.

So, anyway, I say I’m gonna get these Herculean feats accomplished… but usually, my mouth is writing checks that my brain… well, let’s just say my brain has spent all the cash on cheap booze, high heels, and lacy panties.

(And if you can picture my brain, wearing a pink thong and sipping Boone’s Farm out of a fuck-me pump, well — you’re better off than I am, believe me. The therapist hasn’t been certified that can exorcise that shit outta my head.)

So, instead of delivering ‘the moon’ and ‘the stars’, I sometimes can only manage ‘an asteroid’, or ‘a pile of gravel’. Or I’ll manage to get the moon and stars together (often pulling them out of Uranus… yeah, you just knew that would come back to bite you in the ass, didn’t you? So to speak, of course.), but I’ll get around to it late. And I’ll be cranky, and need a beer, and it’s just not the same.

I suppose there are two ways to go, here. I could always try to recapture the energy of my youth — I could exercise more, and read up in work journals, and map projects out, and dream about whatever I’m working on… maybe I could get into that magical tantric yoga crap, while I’m at it. I hear there are some, um, ‘added benefits‘ to that stuff, too. And maybe, with all that effort, I could do all the things at work that I used to do, way back when.

On the other hand, I might fricking collapse from exhaustion, and fall into a vegetative coma. (Mmmmm… vegetation…) In any case, I wouldn’t have time to do the other things that are currently a part of my daily life — blogging, practicing standup, watching TiVoed shows, kicking the dog’s ass, tickling my wife until she pees… and those things have become rather important to me. In some cases, more important than whatever I’m working on.

(Especially the thing with the wife — if she doesn’t get her daily cootchie-cootchie-coo, we’ve got to put the rubber sheets on the bed.

Not that she would necessarily have a problem… but who knows? You can never be too careful. And she won’t wear the Depends — apparently, they chafe.)

Anyway, the other option would be to just stop being a damned putz, and make estimates and promises that involve working less than fourteen hours a day, sleeping and eating at my desk, and injecting Jolt cola into my fricking bloodstream. So far, though, it hasn’t happened. Old habits die hard, I guess.

But if this one doesn’t die soon, I’m gonna get out the butcher knives and ice picks and kill it myself. We’ll see how ‘hard’ you die, bitch. This shit’s gotta stop!

Permalink  |  1 Comment

One Response to “Oh Sure, I Can Have That Tomorrow! No Problem!”

  1. Amber says:

    You could promise some really horrible things, though…threats, in other words. Then everyone would think that it’s really nifty that you don’t deliver. You’d be impressed that people are taking you seriously and the people would be glad for the little thrill in their otherwise hum drum life. Of course, no one HERE would actually take you seriously. You need an anti-blog.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail © 2003-15 Charlie Hatton All Rights Reserved
Me on Film 'n' Stage:
  Drinkstorm Studios

Me on Science (silly):
  Secondhand SCIENCE

Me on Science (real):
  Meta Science News

Me on ZuG (RIP):
  Zolton's FB Pranks
  Zolton Does Amazon

Favorite Posts:
30 Facts: Alton Brown
A Commute Dreary
A Hallmark Moment
Blue's Clues Explained
Eight Your 5-Hole?
El Classo de Espanol
Good News for Goofballs
Grammar, Charlie-Style
Grammar, Revisitated
How I Feel About Hippos
How I Feel About Pinatas
How I Feel About Pirates
Life Is Like...
Life Is Also Like...
Smartass 101
Twelve Simple Rules
Unreal Reality Shows
V-Day for Dummies
Wheel of Misfortune
Zolton, Interview Demon

Me, Elsewhere

Standup Comedy Clips

Selected Clips:
  09/10/05: Com. Studio
  04/30/05: Goodfellaz
  04/09/05: Com. Studio
  01/28/05: Com. Studio
  12/11/04: Emerald Isle
  09/06/04: Connection

Boston Comedy Clubs

 My 100 Things Posts

Selected Things:
  #6: My Stitches
  #7: My Name
  #11: My Spelling Bee
  #35: My Spring Break
  #36: My Skydives
  #53: My Memory
  #55: My Quote
  #78: My Pencil
  #91: My Family
  #100: My Poor Knee

More Features:

List of Lists
33 Faces of Me
Punchline Fever
Simpsons Quotes
Quantum Terminology

...Bleeding Obvious
By Ken Levine
Defective Yeti
Divorced Dad of Two
Gallivanting Monkey
Junk Drawer
Life... Weirder
Little. Red. Boat.
Mighty Geek
Scott's Tip of the Day
Something Authorly
Unlikely Explanations

Full Archive

Category Archives:

(Stupid) Computers
A Doofus Is Me
Articles 'n' Zines
Audience Participation
Awkward Conversations
Bits About Blogging
Bitter Old Man Rants
Blasts from My Past
Cars 'n' Drivers
Dog Drivel
Foodstuff Fluff
Fun with Words!
Grooming Gaffes
Just Life
Loopy Lists
Making Fun of Jerks
Marketing Weenies
Married and a Moron
Miscellaneous Nonsense
Potty Talk / Yes, I'm a Pig
Sleep, and Lack Thereof
Tales from the Stage
Tasty Beverages
The Happy Homeowner
TV & Movies & Games, O My!
Vacations 'n' Holidays
Weird for the Sake of Weird
Whither the Weather
Wicked Pissah Bahstan
Wide World o' Sports
Work, Work, Work

Alas Smith and Jones
Berkeley Breathed
Bill Hicks
Dave Barry
Dexter's Laboratory
Douglas Adams
Evening at the Improv
Fawlty Towers
George Alec Effinger
Jake Johannsen
Married... With Children
Monty Python
Nick Bakay
Peter King
Ren and Stimpy
Rob Neyer
Sluggy Freelance
The Simpsons
The State

Plugs, Shameless
100 Best Humor Blogs | Healthy Moms Magazine



Feeds and More
Subscribe via FeedBurner


RSS 2.0
Site Hosting:
Solid Solutions

Powered by:

Title Banner Photo:
Shirley Harshenin

Creative Commons License
  This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons License

Performancing Metrics

Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

Valid XHTML 1.0

Valid CSS!

© 2003-15 Charlie Hatton
All Rights Reserved