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Charlie Hatton
Brookline, MA

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Howdy, friendly reading person!
I'm on a bit of a hiatus right now, but only to work on other projects -- one incredibly exciting example being the newly-released kids' science book series Things That Make You Go Yuck!
If you're a science and/or silliness fan, give it a gander! See you soon!

It Feels Like a Firing… But Without All the Shame and Crying!

Today was a little bit surreal.

(No, no, I mean a little bit more surreal than usual. I know what you’re thinking — based on the shit shoveled around here, you probably think my daily life is something out of a Dali painting. And it’s not quite that bad… but yeah, it gets a little weird. Not quite ‘melting clocks’ weird, or ‘stilty-legged elephant’ weird, but not normal, that’s for sure.)

Anyway, today I packed up my desk at work. I’m not quitting, or fired, or anything drastic like that — believe me, if you’ve seen my standup, you know I’m not in a position to ‘quit my day job’. Or hell, even my writing job — and that doesn’t come with a paycheck! Oh, and just for the record — you’re soaking in it, right now. Lap it up, there, puppies.

So, the thing is, I’m moving to a new spot. New office, new officemate, new building — the whole thing. And it was odd packing up — all the books, and the papers, and CDs and notes, and pens… ooh, and the office supplies! Man, those moving boxes leave a lot of room for Post-Its and notebooks and staplers and such. That made it feel like leaving for good, too — stealing all the supplies that I could stuff into my boxes. But hell, who knows where the office supplies will be in the new building — or if they’ll even have any. Maybe the new space is in Amish country, or something, where they don’t believe in self-adhesive writing pads. A guy’s got to look out for himself, right? And now, I could paper my walls in nine colors of sticky pads. Sweet.

Of course, it wasn’t quite like quitting or being fired today. Sure, I cleaned out my desk — and the supply closet — and went home early to start drinking. But there was none of the random ‘You’ll be sorry!‘ screaming in the hallways, or waggling my privates at the boss on the way out, or peeing in the coffee pot in the office kitchen as a ‘goodbye present’.

(Okay, so there was a little bit of weenie-waggling in the boss’ office. But she was already gone for the day, so it’s cool. I was just getting in a little practice, for when they do eventually shitcan me. Man, I sure hope her videoconferencing cam was off today, though. Yow.)

So, tomorrow I start work in a new office. My computer will be there, and my books, and all of my fabulous new office supplies. It’ll be a fresh start — maybe I’ll get more accomplished, and be more productive. Hell, I might even surf for less porn on my lunch break — anything’s possible, right? I just hope they don’t move the coffee maker from the old office. We had a couple of layoffs a few weeks ago, and that coffee hasn’t tasted right since. Maybe sometimes change is good, after all.

Permalink  |  6 Comments

6 Responses to “It Feels Like a Firing… But Without All the Shame and Crying!”

  1. Wildcat says:

    Don’t forget to christen the new office in some weird, twisted, entertaining way you can post about! Can’t wait to hear it!

  2. SilverBubble says:

    I agree with Wildcat. An office isn’t an office without a proper christening – one that involves at least one of the following:

    1) fire

    2) a sickly-sweet odor

    3) strange, muffled noises coming from an urn

    4) chanting in a foreign language

    5) unidentified reddish-brown stains on the desk

    6) a tribal dance

    or possibly all of the above.

  3. shelley says:

    Okay, now your commenters are getting even more sick and twisted than you are. (And GWB just said “newk-yuh-ler” on the TV for the third time tonight. I need two aspirin and a huge amount of hard liquor.)

  4. Jenn says:

    So, um….are you shocked at all that I read “melting clocks” as “melting cocks”? Which I’m sure is a little known Dali piece…

  5. #Debi says:

    I, for one, am just wicked impressed that, not only did you reference Dali in a post, but that you know two separate works of his! He’s probably my favorite modern painter, which for some reason drives some of my art teachers crazy…

  6. Orchid says:

    Especially if it involves better tasting coffay!

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