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It Feels Like a Firing… But Without All the Shame and Crying!

Today was a little bit surreal.

(No, no, I mean a little bit more surreal than usual. I know what you’re thinking — based on the shit shoveled around here, you probably think my daily life is something out of a Dali painting. And it’s not quite that bad… but yeah, it gets a little weird. Not quite ‘melting clocks’ weird, or ‘stilty-legged elephant’ weird, but not normal, that’s for sure.)

Anyway, today I packed up my desk at work. I’m not quitting, or fired, or anything drastic like that — believe me, if you’ve seen my standup, you know I’m not in a position to ‘quit my day job’. Or hell, even my writing job — and that doesn’t come with a paycheck! Oh, and just for the record — you’re soaking in it, right now. Lap it up, there, puppies.

So, the thing is, I’m moving to a new spot. New office, new officemate, new building — the whole thing. And it was odd packing up — all the books, and the papers, and CDs and notes, and pens… ooh, and the office supplies! Man, those moving boxes leave a lot of room for Post-Its and notebooks and staplers and such. That made it feel like leaving for good, too — stealing all the supplies that I could stuff into my boxes. But hell, who knows where the office supplies will be in the new building — or if they’ll even have any. Maybe the new space is in Amish country, or something, where they don’t believe in self-adhesive writing pads. A guy’s got to look out for himself, right? And now, I could paper my walls in nine colors of sticky pads. Sweet.

Of course, it wasn’t quite like quitting or being fired today. Sure, I cleaned out my desk — and the supply closet — and went home early to start drinking. But there was none of the random ‘You’ll be sorry!‘ screaming in the hallways, or waggling my privates at the boss on the way out, or peeing in the coffee pot in the office kitchen as a ‘goodbye present’.

(Okay, so there was a little bit of weenie-waggling in the boss’ office. But she was already gone for the day, so it’s cool. I was just getting in a little practice, for when they do eventually shitcan me. Man, I sure hope her videoconferencing cam was off today, though. Yow.)

So, tomorrow I start work in a new office. My computer will be there, and my books, and all of my fabulous new office supplies. It’ll be a fresh start — maybe I’ll get more accomplished, and be more productive. Hell, I might even surf for less porn on my lunch break — anything’s possible, right? I just hope they don’t move the coffee maker from the old office. We had a couple of layoffs a few weeks ago, and that coffee hasn’t tasted right since. Maybe sometimes change is good, after all.