Charlie Hatton About This
About Me
Email Me

Charlie Hatton
Brookline, MA

All Quotes


Howdy, friendly reading person!
I'm on a bit of a hiatus right now, but only to work on other projects -- one incredibly exciting example being the newly-released kids' science book series Things That Make You Go Yuck!
If you're a science and/or silliness fan, give it a gander! See you soon!

‘Good Communication Skills’? Oh, We’ll See About That

Well, that went… um, less well than before.

Certainly, much thanks and sloppy love to the folks who came by to try their hand at this week’s Punchline Fever. Unfortunately, it was less than a gaggle this week. More like a smattering. A sweet, hilarious, much appreciated smattering, but a smattering nonetheless. Well, we’ll give it another shot next week. Maybe next time, I’ll mention boobies or something. I don’t know.

Anyway, I am giganta-glad to have this week over with. You ever have one of those weeks where you stumble home on Friday night, bleary-eyed and exhausted, dragging your poopered ass-cheeks behing you?

(That’s ‘poopered’, by the way, not ‘poopy’. You got hygeine problems ’round back, that’s your own problem. Maybe move to the two-ply stuff. It costs a little more, but I think you’re worth it.)

In any case, I had one of those weeks this week, and I’m wiped out. (And just for the record, ‘wiped up’ as well. Ain’t no problem in my underpants.) And yet, I got next to nothing accomplished. I went to work every day, and I sat in my little meetings, and I typed on my little keyboard, and I wrote my little notes on my little sticky pieces of paper… but this week, it just didn’t seem to matter. I got the same shit on my ‘In’ list, and no shit on my ‘Out’ list, and there’s a whole fricking week of my life that I’m never gonna have back.

Okay, so it wasn’t quite that bad. There were a couple of pretty tasty lunches in there somewhere, and I zinged a few people at work. You know, when they needed it. Ooh, plus, I got to interview somebody, which is always a good time.

Seriously, interviews are the only time in life when you get to ask any sort of stupid, assheaded, blenderbrained question you want, and nobody can call you on it. We even do tag-team interviews, where two or more of us team up on a poor ‘candidate’ at one time. And I can still ask whatever the fuck I want, with total impugnity. I am King God during interviews — all will bow before my cryptic line of questioning!

Think about it. Is the fool in the suit looking for a job gonna give me a funny look? No. No way. He or she’s just worried about kissing ass, looking good, and making sure there’s no spinach between their teeth. I’ve been in that seat; if you get asked about how your grandma’s hairy nipples made you feel, then dammit, you figure it out, right there on the spot. You spin yourself a furry nana boobie tale, and hope it makes you sound smart. Anything’s fair game; it’s an interview.

And whoever else is in there with me grilling the person can’t say anything, either. Maybe I’m one of those people who ‘thinks outside the box’. Who’s to say that finding out how a prospective employee feels about pants made from stitched-together cinnamon buns isn’t valuable? I’m sure it says something about teamwork, or initiative, or sheer, raving insanity. Something important, anyway. It’s all about the lateral thinking.

So that was fun, at least. But the rest of the week was just one bewildering clusterfuck after another. I’m pretty sure there was a guy standing outside my office, giving out numbers to people waiting in line to walk in and yell, ‘Booga! Booga! Booga!‘ at me. (Ooh, hey, come to think of it, I should try that. We’re interviewing another couple of people next week.)

But now it’s all over. For the next forty-eight magial hours, there is no work. There’s only sleep, and beer, and Selection Sunday for my Syracuse hoops squad. Yeah, yeah, plus sixty-odd other teams, but really, they’re not important. It’s all about the Orangemen. And the lateral thinking. Orangemen, and lateral thinking. Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.

All right, I see that my exhaustion is catching up to me. I’m starting to run this entry like an interview. And around here, I don’t hold quite the same sway as in the little room where I can dangle the prospect of gainful employment over someone’s head. So I’d better wrap this up before the peanut gallery pipes up and gives me a hard time. That’s the last thing I need this weekend. I’m hitting the sack. Maybe I’ll make more sense tomorrow.

Hey, shut up! I can dream, dammit!

Permalink  |  3 Comments

3 Responses to “‘Good Communication Skills’? Oh, We’ll See About That”

  1. HR Lady says:

    I’m sure you expected that as HR Lady a commentary on this post is obligatory. I am, therefore, obligated to jump all over you (no, not really all over you -would prefer to avoid the sticky bits, leaky bits, and fluffered bits -I take the fun out of everything)for this: Legally, you cannot ask any questions you want in the course of an interview. But if you’re lookin’ for a whole bunch of free time for bloggin’ go right ahead. I’m sure your company will oblige you by giving you an extended (and pretty well endless) unpaid vacation. But I know you already know all this. I was just doing my HR Lady duty.

  2. Jon says:


    I really like that word.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail © 2003-15 Charlie Hatton All Rights Reserved
Me on Film 'n' Stage:
  Drinkstorm Studios

Me on Science (silly):
  Secondhand SCIENCE

Me on Science (real):
  Meta Science News

Me on ZuG (RIP):
  Zolton's FB Pranks
  Zolton Does Amazon

Favorite Posts:
30 Facts: Alton Brown
A Commute Dreary
A Hallmark Moment
Blue's Clues Explained
Eight Your 5-Hole?
El Classo de Espanol
Good News for Goofballs
Grammar, Charlie-Style
Grammar, Revisitated
How I Feel About Hippos
How I Feel About Pinatas
How I Feel About Pirates
Life Is Like...
Life Is Also Like...
Smartass 101
Twelve Simple Rules
Unreal Reality Shows
V-Day for Dummies
Wheel of Misfortune
Zolton, Interview Demon

Me, Elsewhere

Standup Comedy Clips

Selected Clips:
  09/10/05: Com. Studio
  04/30/05: Goodfellaz
  04/09/05: Com. Studio
  01/28/05: Com. Studio
  12/11/04: Emerald Isle
  09/06/04: Connection

Boston Comedy Clubs

 My 100 Things Posts

Selected Things:
  #6: My Stitches
  #7: My Name
  #11: My Spelling Bee
  #35: My Spring Break
  #36: My Skydives
  #53: My Memory
  #55: My Quote
  #78: My Pencil
  #91: My Family
  #100: My Poor Knee

More Features:

List of Lists
33 Faces of Me
Punchline Fever
Simpsons Quotes
Quantum Terminology

...Bleeding Obvious
By Ken Levine
Defective Yeti
Divorced Dad of Two
Gallivanting Monkey
Junk Drawer
Life... Weirder
Little. Red. Boat.
Mighty Geek
Scott's Tip of the Day
Something Authorly
Unlikely Explanations

Full Archive

Category Archives:

(Stupid) Computers
A Doofus Is Me
Articles 'n' Zines
Audience Participation
Awkward Conversations
Bits About Blogging
Bitter Old Man Rants
Blasts from My Past
Cars 'n' Drivers
Dog Drivel
Foodstuff Fluff
Fun with Words!
Grooming Gaffes
Just Life
Loopy Lists
Making Fun of Jerks
Marketing Weenies
Married and a Moron
Miscellaneous Nonsense
Potty Talk / Yes, I'm a Pig
Sleep, and Lack Thereof
Tales from the Stage
Tasty Beverages
The Happy Homeowner
TV & Movies & Games, O My!
Vacations 'n' Holidays
Weird for the Sake of Weird
Whither the Weather
Wicked Pissah Bahstan
Wide World o' Sports
Work, Work, Work

Alas Smith and Jones
Berkeley Breathed
Bill Hicks
Dave Barry
Dexter's Laboratory
Douglas Adams
Evening at the Improv
Fawlty Towers
George Alec Effinger
Jake Johannsen
Married... With Children
Monty Python
Nick Bakay
Peter King
Ren and Stimpy
Rob Neyer
Sluggy Freelance
The Simpsons
The State

Plugs, Shameless
100 Best Humor Blogs | Healthy Moms Magazine



Feeds and More
Subscribe via FeedBurner


RSS 2.0
Site Hosting:
Solid Solutions

Powered by:

Title Banner Photo:
Shirley Harshenin

Creative Commons License
  This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons License

Performancing Metrics

Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

Valid XHTML 1.0

Valid CSS!

© 2003-15 Charlie Hatton
All Rights Reserved