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Charlie Hatton
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Howdy, friendly reading person!
I'm on a bit of a hiatus right now, but only to work on other projects -- one incredibly exciting example being the newly-released kids' science book series Things That Make You Go Yuck!
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Who Do You Love? And While We’re at It, Who Do You Hate?

Okay, here’s one for the sports nuts among us. (Joe, you should like this one.)

I was in the shower a little while ago, and I had a thought.

(No, the shower isn’t the ‘sports’ part, all right? Maybe I do some sort of calisthenics in there, and maybe I don’t. That’s for me to know, and you to take pictures of if I ever run for public office.

And I don’t want to hear a word about ‘water sports’. That’s either a horrible pun or really gross. And if you’re not sure which, ask somebody. It’s probably both.)

All right, where the hell was I? Oh, my sports thought. Right.

So, I wondered, for reasons not completely clear to me, whether I could make a list of my ten most favorite sports teams, college and pro, in order of preference. That is, the ten teams (or people, I suppose, if we’re talking tennis, golf, or some other individual-type activity) that I cheer for the hardest, live and die with in every game, and would skip a free kegger to watch. Maybe even a clothes-optional free kegger. (Now that’s love, people.)

I haven’t tried to put that list together yet — ten teams is a lot, and ranking them is going to be tough after the first couple, I’m thinking. I’m thinking about it right now, with the three neurons I’m not using while writing this sentence.

(Bow before my multitasking prowess, mere mortals!

*gasp* *sputter*

Oh. Oops, shit. Forgot to breathe. Never mind. Poopstain!)

Anyway, before setting my list in stone, I thought I’d raise the stakes a bit — while I’m at it, I’ll also make a list of my least favorite teams from the world of sports, from the vilest, cheatingest bunch of bastards down to the… well, the slightly less vile, only sometimes cheating bunch of bastards in tenth place. Somehow, I think it’ll be easier to find ten teams I loathe than ten teams I love. I’m sure that says something unpleasant about the way I live my life.

But no matter! The time for listmaking has come — behold, my lists of The Very Best That Sports Has to Offer and Hey, Hasn’t Anybody Indicted These Assholes Yet? Behold, I say:

  The Best      The Worst
#1 Syracuse University hoops
Since 1986
     New York Yankees
Nemesis of both my baseball teams
#2 Atlanta Braves
TBS was a childhood godsend
     Duke University hoops
Sure, it’s jealousy — I don’t care
#3 Boston Red Sox
Fenway Park will do that to you
     Indiana University hoops
Since 1986, plus Bobby Knight
#4 Syracuse University football
Long live the Big East
     Dallas Cowboys
‘Michael Irvin, poster child’ says it all
#5 Pittsburgh Steelers
I spent seven years there — it was inevitable
     Auburn University football
Three words — Pat ‘Tie’ Dye
#6 New England Patriots
I’m not bandwagoning — I live here, dammit!
     University of Kentucky hoops
Suffered their fans for four years of college
#7 Marhall University football
It’s a ‘family geography’ thing, okay?
     New York Mets
It’s almost sad… but I still hate ’em
#8 Pittsburgh Penguins
I’m telling you; there was something in the water there
     San Francisco 49ers
Mainly historical, but TO keeps the fire burning
#9 Atlanta Hawks
I came for ‘Nique; I stayed for… um, yeah. Next!
     Penn State University football
I went to Pitt for grad school. Nuff said.
#10 University of Pittsburgh hoops
They can come in second in the NCAAs any time
     Detroit Pistons
Holdover from the Laimbeer era — hey, I ran out, okay?

So, there you have it — my top ten, and my bottom ten. So what’s yours? If you wanna play the ‘Two By Ten’ game, post your picks in the comments. Or better yet, post ’em on your site, and leave me a comment or a trackback. Let’s see who the sports fans are out there!

(Go ‘Cuse!)

Permalink  |  8 Comments

8 Responses to “Who Do You Love? And While We’re at It, Who Do You Hate?”

  1. Bob says:

    My list is up so this question will remain until you visit to see the list…Did Nascar make the Favorites or The Programs That I Want To Get In A Bus Accident?

    (You know the Cowboys are the NFL equivalent of the Atlanta Braves…you know, shoved down the throat of national audiences as “America’s Team”)

  2. Joe says:

    Thanks for the good idea there Charlie!

    I’ll try to get mine up (my list you sick bastard) later today (or sooner if I feel like it).

    You’ll be seeing some similarities, I promise!

  3. Joe says:

    Alright Charlie…mine are up over at my site.

    Looking forward to your thoughts.

  4. #Debi says:

    I don’t watch sports enough to come anywhere close to a Top 10 best OR worst. I am, however, from Lexington, KY, and I am the self-crowned U of K anti-fan. I can’t stand UK, or much of anything about it. They are, in fact, the “most likely to get NCAA penalties” and prove it every 10 years like clockwork. Good to see they made your list.

  5. Erin says:

    Top 10 & bottom 10 — terrific! I’m with you on the Yankees, of course, but some of the others…well, you’ll have to look for my picks later this week.

  6. Flip says:

    If you had said “a list of sports” I might have had a chance, but to be honest I don’t know enuogh sports to find ten I like. The hate-list, on the other hand…

  7. tj says:


    1) pittsburgh steelers

    2) san francisco 49ers

    3) san francisco giants

    4) san jose sharks

    5) pittsburgh penguins

    6) oakland As

    7) chico heat

    sacramento kings

    9) los angeles lakers

    10) washington capitals


    1) new york yankees

    2) denver broncos

    3) oakland raiders

    4) dallas cowboys

    5) washington redskins

    6) detroit redwings

    7) anybody playing against the steelers

    that’s all i can think of that i hate. sorry, i’m not really a hateful kind of person … you scumhawk!

  8. Scott-san says:

    I don’t think I can come up with 10 for both lists:


    1. Florida State football (kind-of a love-hate relationship right now)

    2. Pittsburgh Steelers

    3. FSU basketball

    4. San Antonio Spurs

    5. Boston Red Sox

    6. NY/NJ Metrostars (Oooo, soccer)

    7. Tennessee Titans

    8. New England Patriots (for a friend)


    1. Univ. of Miami football (the Hurri-gangstas)

    2. Miami Dolphins (really, all other things Miami tie for #2)

    3. NY Yankees

    4. Notre Dame (not as fun to hate as in the past)

    5. San Francisco 49ers (or, alternately, wherever Terrell Owens plays)

    6. NASCAR, period.

    7. the Williams sisters (tennis . . . tired act)

    8. Tiger Woods (just to be contrary)

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