Charlie Hatton About This
About Me
Email Me

Charlie Hatton
Brookline, MA

All Quotes


Howdy, friendly reading person!
I'm on a bit of a hiatus right now, but only to work on other projects -- one incredibly exciting example being the newly-released kids' science book series Things That Make You Go Yuck!
If you're a science and/or silliness fan, give it a gander! See you soon!

Fall, Falling, FELL

(For anyone curious how that trip to Cirque du Soleil went over the weekend, feel free to steal a gander at my latest Zolton Does Amazon reviewapalooza: Cirque du Jerk. Take your time. I’ll wait.)

Meanwhile, fall happened in New England today.

I don’t have a precise time for when the switchover occurred. I was outside around ten thirty, maybe eleven in the morning, and it was summer. Birds singing, sun beating down, seventy-plus degrees of ambient coziness feeling mighty good on the bare knees and arms.

Then I worked for a few hours, stepped back outside around seven thirty, and — holy mother of parka-packing pachyderms, it’s effing autumn. Low fifties. Rain and wind. Shorts that are no longer working with the weather, but against it. And getting shorter with each passing step, because my body is trying to suck them up inside me.

On the one hand, it was quite shocking. I never envisioned, when I showered and dressed this morning, that I might be needing elbow grease and a large set of tongs to take my pants off tonight. Yet, here we are. And now someday when I have my first colonoscopy, my doctor will wonder why the hell there’s a “LEVI’S” imprint somewhere up the rabbit hole. This is not a conversation I want to have. There are no good answers to that question. None.

“March in Boston — or September, for that matter — doesn’t “come in like a lion, and go out like a lamb”. It comes in like fricking Godzilla, and by the time it goes out, it’s grown poison fangs and strapped a giant bazooka to its ass.

Obviously, I blame fall.

And on the other hand, it’s really not all that surprising. This is just how the seasons go around here. There are no gentle transitions, no easing into the shortening days or sliding lazily from winter to spring. No. Around here, the seasons play a wicked game of King of the Hill, apparently trying to knock the incumbent off the calendar in the most violent way possible.

March in Boston — or September, for that matter — doesn’t “come in like a lion, and go out like a lamb”. It comes in like fricking Godzilla, and by the time it goes out, it’s grown poison fangs and strapped a giant bazooka to its ass. All the months are like that. The entire calendar will beat you like you owe it money, and then hold you down so the next one can pound on you for a while.

And just about every season, I get shafted in transition. I miss a memo, lose track of days, or forget to check the Weather Channel Forecast-O-Tron, and get caught in the middle of the interseasonal cross-fire. Either I’m underdressed and freezing my thighs off like tonight, or I’m wrapped up in a parka for the start of a heat wave. Neither is pretty, nor pleasant to endure. But that’s seasonal change in Boston. Blink, and you’ll miss it.

Also, you may need a pair of tongs.

Permalink  |  No Comments

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail © 2003-15 Charlie Hatton All Rights Reserved
Me on Film 'n' Stage:
  Drinkstorm Studios

Me on Science (silly):
  Secondhand SCIENCE

Me on Science (real):
  Meta Science News

Me on ZuG (RIP):
  Zolton's FB Pranks
  Zolton Does Amazon

Favorite Posts:
30 Facts: Alton Brown
A Commute Dreary
A Hallmark Moment
Blue's Clues Explained
Eight Your 5-Hole?
El Classo de Espanol
Good News for Goofballs
Grammar, Charlie-Style
Grammar, Revisitated
How I Feel About Hippos
How I Feel About Pinatas
How I Feel About Pirates
Life Is Like...
Life Is Also Like...
Smartass 101
Twelve Simple Rules
Unreal Reality Shows
V-Day for Dummies
Wheel of Misfortune
Zolton, Interview Demon

Me, Elsewhere

Standup Comedy Clips

Selected Clips:
  09/10/05: Com. Studio
  04/30/05: Goodfellaz
  04/09/05: Com. Studio
  01/28/05: Com. Studio
  12/11/04: Emerald Isle
  09/06/04: Connection

Boston Comedy Clubs

 My 100 Things Posts

Selected Things:
  #6: My Stitches
  #7: My Name
  #11: My Spelling Bee
  #35: My Spring Break
  #36: My Skydives
  #53: My Memory
  #55: My Quote
  #78: My Pencil
  #91: My Family
  #100: My Poor Knee

More Features:

List of Lists
33 Faces of Me
Punchline Fever
Simpsons Quotes
Quantum Terminology

...Bleeding Obvious
By Ken Levine
Defective Yeti
Divorced Dad of Two
Gallivanting Monkey
Junk Drawer
Life... Weirder
Little. Red. Boat.
Mighty Geek
Scott's Tip of the Day
Something Authorly
Unlikely Explanations

Full Archive

Category Archives:

(Stupid) Computers
A Doofus Is Me
Articles 'n' Zines
Audience Participation
Awkward Conversations
Bits About Blogging
Bitter Old Man Rants
Blasts from My Past
Cars 'n' Drivers
Dog Drivel
Foodstuff Fluff
Fun with Words!
Grooming Gaffes
Just Life
Loopy Lists
Making Fun of Jerks
Marketing Weenies
Married and a Moron
Miscellaneous Nonsense
Potty Talk / Yes, I'm a Pig
Sleep, and Lack Thereof
Tales from the Stage
Tasty Beverages
The Happy Homeowner
TV & Movies & Games, O My!
Vacations 'n' Holidays
Weird for the Sake of Weird
Whither the Weather
Wicked Pissah Bahstan
Wide World o' Sports
Work, Work, Work

Alas Smith and Jones
Berkeley Breathed
Bill Hicks
Dave Barry
Dexter's Laboratory
Douglas Adams
Evening at the Improv
Fawlty Towers
George Alec Effinger
Jake Johannsen
Married... With Children
Monty Python
Nick Bakay
Peter King
Ren and Stimpy
Rob Neyer
Sluggy Freelance
The Simpsons
The State

Plugs, Shameless
100 Best Humor Blogs | Healthy Moms Magazine



Feeds and More
Subscribe via FeedBurner


RSS 2.0
Site Hosting:
Solid Solutions

Powered by:

Title Banner Photo:
Shirley Harshenin

Creative Commons License
  This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons License

Performancing Metrics

Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

Valid XHTML 1.0

Valid CSS!

© 2003-15 Charlie Hatton
All Rights Reserved