Charlie Hatton About This
About Me
Email Me

Charlie Hatton
Brookline, MA

All Quotes


Howdy, friendly reading person!
I'm on a bit of a hiatus right now, but only to work on other projects -- one incredibly exciting example being the newly-released kids' science book series Things That Make You Go Yuck!
If you're a science and/or silliness fan, give it a gander! See you soon!

Now If I Can Just Get Someone to Walk Around With Me and Make the ‘Dun Dun’ Noise

Ah, Law and Order. It’s been a while since I’ve caught an episode, and I’d almost forgotten how much I missed it.

As a matter of fact, I think I’m gonna start trying to live my life like a Law and Order episode. You know, without all the shootings, and criminal trials, and seedy hookers.

(Well, okay, maybe we can keep a few seedy hookers. Gotta keep it real, dog!)

Anyway, it’s not the subject matter that enthralls me about this show. It’s that the entire story is told in these little two-minute vignettes. It’s not so forcibly rapid-fire as West Wing, nor quite so schizophrenic and phrenetic as Family Guy.

(Yes, folks, I just spelled out for you that Law and Order is somewhere on the entertainment continuum between West Wing and Family Guy. You just don’t get that kind of in-depth, comprehensive analysis on other blogs, folks. We’ve got something special going on here, that’s for certain.)

Anyway, I think living life ‘da Order‘-style would be pretty damned cool. (Yeah, we peeps get to call it ‘da Order’ — see what I said? That’s ‘keepin’ it real’, G. Word.) See, all I’ve got to do is just get through all the boring shit, like meetings and sleeping and braiding my chest hair, and pretend all that happens off-camera. No problem there.

(Hey, as an aside, the show just went to a commercial break. And I’m sure other people have talked about this before, especially because the ad looked awfully familiar, but I’ve just gotta ask:

Love for Life‘? Iggy Pop? Pitching Royal fricking Caribbean cruises? What the fuck?

Is there anyone, anywhere, this side of Johnny ‘jackboots and projectile vomit’ Rotten, who’s less likely to be found on a sappy, cornball, fat-pasty-old-white-men sea voyage than Iggy Pop? Forget for a moment that he’s getting up there himself, and he was always a pasty-white punker type himself. Do you really think he’d bop onto a boat with a few hundred suburbanite slugs like… like… well, me, for one, and spend a whole week of his life sipping coladas and playing shuffleboard? Come on.

Seriously, when there are amps to be smashed and angry punk anthems to be screamed? I don’t see it. And frankly, I can’t envision the ‘Royal C’ folks making our icky Iggy their poster boy, either. I certainly didn’t see his tattooed, sweaty ass in this commercial. This has got ‘match made in hell’ written all over it. I’m just saying.

And now the commercial’s over. I forget what I was so upset about. Shit.)

Okay, where the hell was I, then? Oh, right, the off-camera stuff. Sweet.

So, no changes for ninety percent of my time or so. But what I’ve got to concentrate on is those little chance meetings and short conversations that happen during the day. That’s where the important stuff happens. So I’m gonna have to put together little snippets of witty repartee and seemingly off-the-cuff comments that will reveal themselves to be nearly impossibly prescient and significant later on in the show. Er, day. Later in the day.

And at the end of every week, I’ll win the case… or, um, something. And I’ll get to make one more clever little comment, probably something on the ‘crime doesn’t pay’ tip. Seriously, what’s wrong with that? I think it’s the coolest. It certainly beats the boxers off my current life — right now, I seem to be basing it off something on PBS, or UPN, maybe. Meaning long, boring, and narrated by some old British dude. Bitches.

Permalink  |  3 Comments

3 Responses to “Now If I Can Just Get Someone to Walk Around With Me and Make the ‘Dun Dun’ Noise”

  1. chasmyn says:

    They didn’t win the case tonight. It sucked. Especially because it’s “ripped from the headlines”.

    And um, Charlie? c’m on now, peeps? No, I don’t think so. (shaking head). No.

    Plus if you want to do those liettle “off the cuff” quips, you’ll probably need to spend the first half of your day every day writing those instead of blogging. You sure you want to do that? Really?

  2. P says:

    glad i’m not the only one who’s bugged by Iggy doing the soundtrack to those cruise commercials…

  3. Tamar says:

    I also want to live in the Law&Order world. When I get bored a lot of time I wonder what all my friends and acquantance would say when Jerry Orbach started interrogating them. Would they crack and tell everyone about my crack-dealing days, or would it turn out that I was involved in selling Russian babies? It sucks that to find out I’d have to die and also live in an alternate reality.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail © 2003-15 Charlie Hatton All Rights Reserved
Me on Film 'n' Stage:
  Drinkstorm Studios

Me on Science (silly):
  Secondhand SCIENCE

Me on Science (real):
  Meta Science News

Me on ZuG (RIP):
  Zolton's FB Pranks
  Zolton Does Amazon

Favorite Posts:
30 Facts: Alton Brown
A Commute Dreary
A Hallmark Moment
Blue's Clues Explained
Eight Your 5-Hole?
El Classo de Espanol
Good News for Goofballs
Grammar, Charlie-Style
Grammar, Revisitated
How I Feel About Hippos
How I Feel About Pinatas
How I Feel About Pirates
Life Is Like...
Life Is Also Like...
Smartass 101
Twelve Simple Rules
Unreal Reality Shows
V-Day for Dummies
Wheel of Misfortune
Zolton, Interview Demon

Me, Elsewhere

Standup Comedy Clips

Selected Clips:
  09/10/05: Com. Studio
  04/30/05: Goodfellaz
  04/09/05: Com. Studio
  01/28/05: Com. Studio
  12/11/04: Emerald Isle
  09/06/04: Connection

Boston Comedy Clubs

 My 100 Things Posts

Selected Things:
  #6: My Stitches
  #7: My Name
  #11: My Spelling Bee
  #35: My Spring Break
  #36: My Skydives
  #53: My Memory
  #55: My Quote
  #78: My Pencil
  #91: My Family
  #100: My Poor Knee

More Features:

List of Lists
33 Faces of Me
Punchline Fever
Simpsons Quotes
Quantum Terminology

...Bleeding Obvious
By Ken Levine
Defective Yeti
Divorced Dad of Two
Gallivanting Monkey
Junk Drawer
Life... Weirder
Little. Red. Boat.
Mighty Geek
Scott's Tip of the Day
Something Authorly
Unlikely Explanations

Full Archive

Category Archives:

(Stupid) Computers
A Doofus Is Me
Articles 'n' Zines
Audience Participation
Awkward Conversations
Bits About Blogging
Bitter Old Man Rants
Blasts from My Past
Cars 'n' Drivers
Dog Drivel
Foodstuff Fluff
Fun with Words!
Grooming Gaffes
Just Life
Loopy Lists
Making Fun of Jerks
Marketing Weenies
Married and a Moron
Miscellaneous Nonsense
Potty Talk / Yes, I'm a Pig
Sleep, and Lack Thereof
Tales from the Stage
Tasty Beverages
The Happy Homeowner
TV & Movies & Games, O My!
Vacations 'n' Holidays
Weird for the Sake of Weird
Whither the Weather
Wicked Pissah Bahstan
Wide World o' Sports
Work, Work, Work

Alas Smith and Jones
Berkeley Breathed
Bill Hicks
Dave Barry
Dexter's Laboratory
Douglas Adams
Evening at the Improv
Fawlty Towers
George Alec Effinger
Jake Johannsen
Married... With Children
Monty Python
Nick Bakay
Peter King
Ren and Stimpy
Rob Neyer
Sluggy Freelance
The Simpsons
The State

Plugs, Shameless
100 Best Humor Blogs | Healthy Moms Magazine



Feeds and More
Subscribe via FeedBurner


RSS 2.0
Site Hosting:
Solid Solutions

Powered by:

Title Banner Photo:
Shirley Harshenin

Creative Commons License
  This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons License

Performancing Metrics

Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

Valid XHTML 1.0

Valid CSS!

© 2003-15 Charlie Hatton
All Rights Reserved