Charlie Hatton About This
About Me
Email Me

Charlie Hatton
Brookline, MA

All Quotes


Howdy, friendly reading person!
I'm on a bit of a hiatus right now, but only to work on other projects -- one incredibly exciting example being the newly-released kids' science book series Things That Make You Go Yuck!
If you're a science and/or silliness fan, give it a gander! See you soon!

Whew, That Was Close!

Folks, I get emails all the time. Big emails, small emails, nice emails, crabby emails — you name it. Many of these emails, I’m able to dismiss as spam. But occasionally, I receive an email so compelling, so important, so urgent, that I have to read it. And react. And post it here. Such was the case tonight, when the good folks at Wells Fargo notified me of a problem with my account.

Never mind that I don’t actually have a Wells Fargo account. And forget that the email got auto-shunted unto my spam folder. This is a critical problem, folks. And one that I want to share with you. Observe:

Dear customer,

We have noticed in the last few days, many suspicious activities done in and from your account. Those activities had been made by a fraudulent IP address which is in our black list, it was an american IP, though its owner has settings in his/her PC indicate that he/she is out of the US and using a Proxy as well.

See, I appreciate how the bank chose not to use my name, or identify me personally in any way whatsoever. That tells me that they’re looking out for my privacy. My security. They even chose not to capitalize ‘American’, probably to cast doubt on whether I actually live there. Fantabulous.

This person tried to perform the following:

1- Transferring a high sum of money to another Wellsfargo user, with the account#: 2013331604, First name: Jason, Last name: Korinek. (Denied)

2- Changing password and other important information. (Denied)

Damn that Jason Korinek! What the hell is he doing in my account, anyway? Trying to take my money and change my password, too. Why, the nerve of some people!

Did you notice, though? The crack security team at Wells Fargo took the space out of their own name, just in case poopy Jason Korinek is still watching. He’d never be looking for ‘Wellsfargo‘, eh? Man, these guys are good.

If you DID those processes yourself , or they have been DONE accidentally, please send an email to:, explaining why and how you did that, to get your account activated, and to permit us performing your processes.

Okay, I don’t really understand this paragraph. I’m not a high-powered international banking security guru, so I imagine it’s just over my head. But I can rest easy, knowing that if I DID those processes, the experts at Wells Fargo are standing by to help me permit them performing my processes. Boy, will I sleep well tonight!

Else, if that was not you, and you want get your account activated, kindly read and follow the next to be in safe:

Yow! If I follow their instructions, they’ll let me in the safe, apparently. Maybe they’ll even let me count my money — or maybe they’ll give me ten minutes in there alone with that rascal Jason Korinek. I’d better read carefully.

Read this:

We recently have created a new agent, prepared for such activities and for contingencies, that is unknown specially to the unauthorized person – it’s simply an IP address that is hard to be known – who logged into your account without your permission. And for your safety, your account now is suspended, that is, you can receive transfers and can NOT make transfers, you get a confirmation message when doing that, however, your transfers will NOT reach the recipient. Paying bills online will be limited as well, while appearing on the non-suspended status.

Well, I am just floored. The experts — nay, nay, geniuses at Wells Fargo are prepared not only for ‘activities’, but also for ‘contingencies‘. How in the world can people — including me — bank anywhere else? Did I mention floored? Simply floored.

And to disable all those services, but keep sending the confirmation messages? That’s brilliant. That way, if unsavory characters like that Jason Korinek fellow come calling again, they won’t know that we’re onto them. Sneaky devils, those Wells Fargo watchdogs. How do they do it?

Follow this:

Verify your identity by logging into your account in the following site (as mentioned before, its an IP for your privacy, visit it and you will be redirected): <Wells Fargo URL; IP address link>, and filling the fields at the next page. Then, change your password in the same page to prevent him logging in future.

Him? Him?! I knew it! Oh, they were trying to be nice, but they’ve already tracked down that Korinek character. Maybe they’ve already got him in custody; I’ll bet he’s tied up in the safe right now, just waiting for me to reactivate my account and come to kick his ass. Man, I love these Wells Fargo guys.

Q: Why using an IP for the website address, and is it safe enough and keeps me untracked?

A: Well, it’s recommended by many experts to use an IP, it helps you not to be tracked if this person has an access to your PC and as a result your IE history and temp. files. And it does use a high security level relying on the latest technologies available.

Wow. These guys are in touch with ‘experts‘. Computer experts, even. And yet, so friendly! Including this little Q&A just for me — and starting the answer with ‘well‘. ‘Well‘! How colloquial is that?

And they even know that I use IE. I mean… well, I don’t use it, of course. But it’s on my computer; how could they know that? Is there anything these Wells Fargo people can’t do?

Thank you,

Wells Fargo – Online Banking.

No, no, Wells Fargo – Online Banking… and I think I speak for all of us who’ve never opened an account with you, stepped foot in your banks, or logged into your web site — thank you. Thank. You.

Permalink  |  3 Comments

3 Responses to “Whew, That Was Close!”

  1. Dead Robot says:

    I got the same thing from my Paypal people! They are smart cookie yes A#1!

    Now I own half of eBay yes A#1!!!!!

  2. Cindy says:

    I get these all the time, ones from e-bay, pay pal, and lots of other companies & banks, I actually received one from my bank, but since I know my bank does not contact me via email, I added it to my block list.

    I just wonder how many people have actually been scammed by this crap?

  3. #Debi says:

    I do hope that you (and the others) contacted the real Wells Fargo, Paypal, etc., and let them know of the “spoof” site. I got one of these from “Paypal” last week, and reported it. Be warned, Jason! The gig (jig?) is up!!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail © 2003-15 Charlie Hatton All Rights Reserved
Me on Film 'n' Stage:
  Drinkstorm Studios

Me on Science (silly):
  Secondhand SCIENCE

Me on Science (real):
  Meta Science News

Me on ZuG (RIP):
  Zolton's FB Pranks
  Zolton Does Amazon

Favorite Posts:
30 Facts: Alton Brown
A Commute Dreary
A Hallmark Moment
Blue's Clues Explained
Eight Your 5-Hole?
El Classo de Espanol
Good News for Goofballs
Grammar, Charlie-Style
Grammar, Revisitated
How I Feel About Hippos
How I Feel About Pinatas
How I Feel About Pirates
Life Is Like...
Life Is Also Like...
Smartass 101
Twelve Simple Rules
Unreal Reality Shows
V-Day for Dummies
Wheel of Misfortune
Zolton, Interview Demon

Me, Elsewhere

Standup Comedy Clips

Selected Clips:
  09/10/05: Com. Studio
  04/30/05: Goodfellaz
  04/09/05: Com. Studio
  01/28/05: Com. Studio
  12/11/04: Emerald Isle
  09/06/04: Connection

Boston Comedy Clubs

 My 100 Things Posts

Selected Things:
  #6: My Stitches
  #7: My Name
  #11: My Spelling Bee
  #35: My Spring Break
  #36: My Skydives
  #53: My Memory
  #55: My Quote
  #78: My Pencil
  #91: My Family
  #100: My Poor Knee

More Features:

List of Lists
33 Faces of Me
Punchline Fever
Simpsons Quotes
Quantum Terminology

...Bleeding Obvious
By Ken Levine
Defective Yeti
Divorced Dad of Two
Gallivanting Monkey
Junk Drawer
Life... Weirder
Little. Red. Boat.
Mighty Geek
Scott's Tip of the Day
Something Authorly
Unlikely Explanations

Full Archive

Category Archives:

(Stupid) Computers
A Doofus Is Me
Articles 'n' Zines
Audience Participation
Awkward Conversations
Bits About Blogging
Bitter Old Man Rants
Blasts from My Past
Cars 'n' Drivers
Dog Drivel
Foodstuff Fluff
Fun with Words!
Grooming Gaffes
Just Life
Loopy Lists
Making Fun of Jerks
Marketing Weenies
Married and a Moron
Miscellaneous Nonsense
Potty Talk / Yes, I'm a Pig
Sleep, and Lack Thereof
Tales from the Stage
Tasty Beverages
The Happy Homeowner
TV & Movies & Games, O My!
Vacations 'n' Holidays
Weird for the Sake of Weird
Whither the Weather
Wicked Pissah Bahstan
Wide World o' Sports
Work, Work, Work

Alas Smith and Jones
Berkeley Breathed
Bill Hicks
Dave Barry
Dexter's Laboratory
Douglas Adams
Evening at the Improv
Fawlty Towers
George Alec Effinger
Jake Johannsen
Married... With Children
Monty Python
Nick Bakay
Peter King
Ren and Stimpy
Rob Neyer
Sluggy Freelance
The Simpsons
The State

Plugs, Shameless
100 Best Humor Blogs | Healthy Moms Magazine



Feeds and More
Subscribe via FeedBurner


RSS 2.0
Site Hosting:
Solid Solutions

Powered by:

Title Banner Photo:
Shirley Harshenin

Creative Commons License
  This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons License

Mint Installation

Performancing Metrics

Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

Valid XHTML 1.0

Valid CSS!

© 2003-15 Charlie Hatton
All Rights Reserved