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Whew, That Was Close!

Folks, I get emails all the time. Big emails, small emails, nice emails, crabby emails — you name it. Many of these emails, I’m able to dismiss as spam. But occasionally, I receive an email so compelling, so important, so urgent, that I have to read it. And react. And post it here. Such was the case tonight, when the good folks at Wells Fargo notified me of a problem with my account.

Never mind that I don’t actually have a Wells Fargo account. And forget that the email got auto-shunted unto my spam folder. This is a critical problem, folks. And one that I want to share with you. Observe:

Dear customer,

We have noticed in the last few days, many suspicious activities done in and from your account. Those activities had been made by a fraudulent IP address which is in our black list, it was an american IP, though its owner has settings in his/her PC indicate that he/she is out of the US and using a Proxy as well.

See, I appreciate how the bank chose not to use my name, or identify me personally in any way whatsoever. That tells me that they’re looking out for my privacy. My security. They even chose not to capitalize ‘American’, probably to cast doubt on whether I actually live there. Fantabulous.

This person tried to perform the following:

2- Changing password and other important information. (Denied)

Damn that Jason Korinek! What the hell is he doing in my account, anyway? Trying to take my money and change my password, too. Why, the nerve of some people!

Did you notice, though? The crack security team at Wells Fargo took the space out of their own name, just in case poopy Jason Korinek is still watching. He’d never be looking for ‘Wellsfargo‘, eh? Man, these guys are good.

If you DID those processes yourself , or they have been DONE accidentally, please send an email to: wellsfraud@wellsfargo.com, explaining why and how you did that, to get your account activated, and to permit us performing your processes.

Okay, I don’t really understand this paragraph. I’m not a high-powered international banking security guru, so I imagine it’s just over my head. But I can rest easy, knowing that if I DID those processes, the experts at Wells Fargo are standing by to help me permit them performing my processes. Boy, will I sleep well tonight!

Else, if that was not you, and you want get your account activated, kindly read and follow the next to be in safe:

Yow! If I follow their instructions, they’ll let me in the safe, apparently. Maybe they’ll even let me count my money — or maybe they’ll give me ten minutes in there alone with that rascal Jason Korinek. I’d better read carefully.

Read this:

We recently have created a new agent, prepared for such activities and for contingencies, that is unknown specially to the unauthorized person – it’s simply an IP address that is hard to be known – who logged into your account without your permission. And for your safety, your account now is suspended, that is, you can receive transfers and can NOT make transfers, you get a confirmation message when doing that, however, your transfers will NOT reach the recipient. Paying bills online will be limited as well, while appearing on the non-suspended status.

Well, I am just floored. The experts — nay, nay, geniuses at Wells Fargo are prepared not only for ‘activities’, but also for ‘contingencies‘. How in the world can people — including me — bank anywhere else? Did I mention floored? Simply floored.

And to disable all those services, but keep sending the confirmation messages? That’s brilliant. That way, if unsavory characters like that Jason Korinek fellow come calling again, they won’t know that we’re onto them. Sneaky devils, those Wells Fargo watchdogs. How do they do it?

Follow this:

Verify your identity by logging into your account in the following site (as mentioned before, its an IP for your privacy, visit it and you will be redirected): <Wells Fargo URL; IP address link>, and filling the fields at the next page. Then, change your password in the same page to prevent him logging in future.

Him? Him?! I knew it! Oh, they were trying to be nice, but they’ve already tracked down that Korinek character. Maybe they’ve already got him in custody; I’ll bet he’s tied up in the safe right now, just waiting for me to reactivate my account and come to kick his ass. Man, I love these Wells Fargo guys.

Q: Why using an IP for the website address, and is it safe enough and keeps me untracked?

A: Well, it’s recommended by many experts to use an IP, it helps you not to be tracked if this person has an access to your PC and as a result your IE history and temp. files. And it does use a high security level relying on the latest technologies available.

Wow. These guys are in touch with ‘experts‘. Computer experts, even. And yet, so friendly! Including this little Q&A just for me — and starting the answer with ‘well‘. ‘Well‘! How colloquial is that?

And they even know that I use IE. I mean… well, I don’t use it, of course. But it’s on my computer; how could they know that? Is there anything these Wells Fargo people can’t do?

Thank you,

Wells Fargo – Online Banking.

No, no, Wells Fargo – Online Banking… and I think I speak for all of us who’ve never opened an account with you, stepped foot in your banks, or logged into your web site — thank you. Thank. You.