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Oh, I Forgot: ‘You May Want to See a Doctor Afterward’

Hey, kids. Not a lot of time tonight, so just a quickie before bedtime.

(I know, I know — you’ve been waiting your whole life to hear me say that. Get your chaps on and saddle up, honey; I’ll be with you in a minute.)

Meanwhile, here’s a bit of fluff. It’s the:

Top Ten Ways That Watching My Standup Act Is Like Having Sex

10. It’ll last about six minutes.

9. You won’t respect me in the morning.

8. If you’re really good at your part, I just might pay you.

7. You’ll never see it on basic cable.

6. I’ll be the one doing all the sweating and making all the noise.

5. By the end, you’ll wish I was someone else. (I know I do.)

4. The more of you there are, the more fun I’m gonna have.

3. Halfway through, I’ll ask if I’m hurting you.

2. It’s funny… but not for the reasons I think it’s funny.

and 1. You’ll enjoy it much more if you’re naked.

Well, that was fun. If I’ve missed any, feel free to send ’em along. And hey — I was just kidding about those chaps, kiddo. Go hose yourself down, you cheeky little monkey, you.