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Charlie Hatton
Brookline, MA

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Howdy, friendly reading person!
I'm on a bit of a hiatus right now, but only to work on other projects -- one incredibly exciting example being the newly-released kids' science book series Things That Make You Go Yuck!
If you're a science and/or silliness fan, give it a gander! See you soon!

My New Year’s Resolution: Stop Blogging About This Goddamned Illness!


Not ‘whee‘, exactly, but at least ‘whew‘. I think the worst of my little holiday illness is behind me. I don’t know who the hell dropped a tab of pissed-off bacteria in my Christmas eggnog in the first place, but I think my immune system has finally begun to defend itself. Unfortunately, that means my body is now working to expel the attackers, through whatever orifice it deems convenient at the time. And my body’s notion of ‘convenient’ is just a tad more all-encompassing than mine. I’m pretty sure I have phlegm coming out of my navel right now. And I’m not even gonna tell you what’s been going on… um, ‘around back’ lately. Let’s just say I’ve been getting a lot of reading done. Yeah. Ahem. Moving on, then.

In other health-related news, my teeth seem to be roughly ten percent bigger than they were. For some reason, my whole mouth just feels… wrong. Maybe my glands are swollen or something; I dunno. It just doesn’t seem like there’s as much chewing room in there as there used to be. I bet that’s where all the damned bacteria or viruseses are hiding, the bastards. They’re probably stowed away in there between my cheeks, hiding out from my immune system. Stinkin’ vermin bugs, screwing up my mouth like that. Screw that, man — I’ll Listerine those fuckers out of there. And if that doesn’t fix it… well, I don’t know what I’ll try next. Drano, maybe, or battery acid. Paint thinner, if I can find any. One way or another, I’ll get those little bugs the hell out of my mouth. They’ve caused me enough grief as it is. And I’ve gotta get ’em out before my body finds ’em. If my body gets hold of those things, it’s gonna kick ’em out the loooong way. And, like I said, I’m already getting plenty of reading done as it is. I don’t need that.

Um, okay, sorry. I’ll try to write the rest of this entry without mentioning any more about what’s coming out of my ass. Really, I don’t think I’m normally quite so preoccupied with such things. But I have been sick for the past few days, and I am watching South Park right now… so maybe it’s understandable. What? No? Well, shit — drink some more champagne, dammit. Drink until it’s understandable.

(Or until phlegm starts coming out of your navel. Seriously, don’t judge me until you’ve walked a mile in my belly button. Or… um, something.)

Well. This is certainly one for the annals, isn’t it? Awright, screw it. It’s almost midnight — I’m gonna go back to watching South Park and drinking my NyQuil-Chloraseptic highballs. I’ll try to do better next year. Happy 2004, everybody!

Permalink  |  7 Comments

7 Responses to “My New Year’s Resolution: Stop Blogging About This Goddamned Illness!”

  1. Busy Mom says:

    A healthy and happy New Year to you!

  2. Jon says:

    happy new year

  3. Adrienne says:

    Happy New Year!

    Hope you are feeling better soon.

  4. Jeff A says:

    Happy New Year,

    and quit talking out your ass!

  5. Aimee says:

    Heyla!! I spotted your link on the ‘Recently Posted’ blog list, and gave it a go. Whey hey…we have a winner here! I’ve been giggling ever since I clicked in and started reading…I love your style. I hope you don’t mind another set of eyes ogling your font.


  6. Charlie says:

    Hey, happy new year to all of you, too!

    And Aimee, glad to have you! I am always happy to have more eyes to ogle my font. Just look out if I start whipping out serifs… that just gets crazy!

  7. Brad says:

    It’s difficult not to blog about being sick. I did it too. When you feel like crap, for so long, it just ends up in posts. (although now I think about it, I’m sure writers get sick…you don’t see “that team really got the snot beat out of em”)

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