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Charlie Hatton
Brookline, MA

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Howdy, friendly reading person!
I'm on a bit of a hiatus right now, but only to work on other projects -- one incredibly exciting example being the newly-released kids' science book series Things That Make You Go Yuck!
If you're a science and/or silliness fan, give it a gander! See you soon!

Let This Be a Lesson to You, Dammit

So, I was tooling around the site this morning, thinking about updating the Cliche-O-Matic again, when I found that it wasn’t working properly. Apparently, my last update goobered up the first two topics.

That was, like, three weeks ago. Why does no one tell me these things?

I’ve narrowed it down to three possibilities:

  • Nobody’s reading this drivel, dammit.
  • Someone might be reading, but nobody cares about the Cliche-O-Matic, dammit.
  • Someone might be checking out the Cliche-O-Matic, but nobody figures I’m smart enough to fix it. Dammit.

So, just to show you poopyheaded pantypiddlers out there, I did fix it, thank you very little. And added three more sayings. That takes care of the third possibility.

(Although Gordon, who helped out with a script to serve up my Simpsons quotes, will be appalled — all the cliche code is still stuck in the HTML. Look, I’m a lazy bastard. Even when I know better. I’ll be efficient someday. Maybe.)

So, to cover the second option — and to show you lazy non-clicky cluckers what you’re missing over there — today’s post is going to be nothing more than a few of my favorite new sayings spat out by the Cliche-O-Matic. That’ll learn you. Dammit.

(Oh, and the first — and most likely — possibility? Yeah, I know. I’m just sitting here typing to myself. If a lousy punchline falls in a forest and there’s no one around, does anyone throw a tomato? Meh.)

Anyway, enjoy the cliches, phantom readers. And then go to your rooms, and think about what you’ve done. Tsk.

#1. Desperation: I’m so horny, I could cram a Frenchman!

#2. Surprise: You could have spanked me droopy with a weed whacker!

#3. Skepticism: Don’t spit on my crotch and tell me it’s foreplay!

#4. Stupidity: She’s not the perkiest enchilada in the underpants!

#5. Wishfulness: The hoes are always wigglier in the old folks’ home!

#6. Ingenuity: There’s more than one way to zipper up a monkey!

#7. Cautiousness: It’s all blowjobs and ribeyes until someone busts a ballsack!

#8. Disappointment: That’s the way the bratwurst jiggles!

#9. Anticipation: The lubing of a thousand hooters begins with a single hosedown!

#10. Philosophy: Some days you’re the clamp; some days you’re the nipple!

#11. New Opportunities: There are plenty of other pubes in the panties!

#12. Ignorance: He doesn’t know cookie dough from pimple pus!

#13. Defiance: That which does not squish me will only make me wigglier!

#14. Building Consensus: Let’s shoot it in the tailpipe and see who sneezes!

#15. Disgust: I need that like I need a merkin in my tuckus!

Permalink  |  5 Comments

5 Responses to “Let This Be a Lesson to You, Dammit”

  1. Cindy says:

    LMAO! You are nuts, that has to be the funniest shit I’ve ever read.

  2. zoot says:

    Hey Charlie.. Ever heard of this guy? Dane Cook.

    He used a term very closely related to your “douchbagery” in one of the sets I listened to the other night. I’m not usually big on the comedy scene, so you may already have heard of him, but thought I’d pass the link along anyway.

    Funny stuff. He’s almost as funny as you! But not quite, no worries.

  3. Blue LIne says:

    tooling around? I hope that isn’t a euphemism for something else? I didn’t hink that anyone tooled around on this website. There aren’t any pictures or movie clips or anything.

  4. LMFAO

    You are so damn funny and boy did I need your wit tonight!!

    Thank you for the laugh!!

  5. Silentpaulart says:

    cool, you fixed it up!!! it’s really funny

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