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Charlie Hatton
Brookline, MA

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Howdy, friendly reading person!
I'm on a bit of a hiatus right now, but only to work on other projects -- one incredibly exciting example being the newly-released kids' science book series Things That Make You Go Yuck!
If you're a science and/or silliness fan, give it a gander! See you soon!

If You Don’t Like This Game, Then You’re Probably a _______

Okay, folks — I’m in a silly mood.

(No, really, even for me. Hide the women and cattle prods. I’m serious, here.)

So, let’s play a game. I just thought of this one earlier today, so we’ll have to see how it goes. Anyway, here are the rules, and they’re very simple:

I’ll write two sentences, each containing a blank.

(If you’re not familiar somehow with the concept of ‘blanks’, just keep an eye out for the big long underliney thingy. That’s where the blank is — where a word should be, but can’t be found. And has left a slimy trail of underlines on its way out. That’s pretty much ‘blank’ in a nutshell.)

Anyway, two sentences, each with a blank. Now, the same word will fill each blank, and it’s up to you to guess what the word is. Two blanks, one word. And I’ll post the answer below the pair, so you can keep score and see how you’re doing. Got it? Could I drag the rules out any fucking longer? No. No, I couldn’t.

(Oh, wait — yes, I could. Could do, and will. Because I want to mention — just to keep you cheatybirds from peeking, I’ll black the answers out. So, you’ll have to highlight the text to read them, once you’re ready to give up and admit you’re a little bitty baby girl who can’t guess the right answer.

And hey — take as long as you want. The blanks’ll still be there when you finally face the music. We’re not goin’ anywhere, here.)

All right, enough chitchat. Let’s give this baby a whirlypoo. Here’s your first pair:

Derek Jeter is a big, fat, stinky ___________


The ___________ next door likes to play with yarn and chase mice.

Got it yet?

Come on — this is a gimme. Ready?

Okay, but just another minute. I’m humming the Jeopardy thing here to time you…

All right, time’s up! The answer, of course, is shortstop. That’s right, shortstop.

(Yeah, the guy next door is a little senile. He chases mice. He knits. But he can still turn the double play, dammit.

And Jeter is stinky. Ask anybody. I’m just saying.)

All right — that was way too easy. Let’s try a harder one, now. Here we go:

Mary can fit three — three! — cucumbers at one time into her __________


The chicks all dig me because I really know my way around a ____________

(Of course, to be fair, I get to play around with my wife’s at home, so I get a lot of practice.

Hey, that’s a hint! You people got that one for free, too. I’m getting soft in my old age.)

Okay, so make your guesses now. No lines, no waiting.

Come on, now — just a wild guess. Anything’ll do, here. This ain’t Family Feud, you know. Get a damned move-on!

Oh — wait. Did I hear the answer, way back there in the back? Yes, that’s right! The answer is salad shooter. Very good back there — salad shooter it is. You get a gold star!

All right. One more before bedtime. Let’s get right to it:

People say Betty would lose her ___________ if it weren’t screwed on straight.


Mike told his friends, ‘I’ll be back in five; I’ve gotta hit the ____________’

So how ’bout it? You got this one? Need some time?

You sure? You’re ready? Okay, then. Obviously, the answer is cootchie. Yep, cootchie. I trust we all got that one. Always good to end on an easy one, eh?

So, that’s the game. I hope all of you scored three for three — maybe next time I can come up with some more challenging questions, eh? And maybe I can offer prizes for right answers — you might come away with a shiny new salad shooter, or maybe some stinky shortstop’s cootchie.

Or, yeah… perhaps not. I’m all about ‘booby prizes’, but that’s a little much. I think we’ll just stick to the blogging, instead. Much better.

Permalink  |  6 Comments

6 Responses to “If You Don’t Like This Game, Then You’re Probably a _______”

  1. Tom says:

    Oooh! Oooh! I’m the one who guessed “salad shooter”!! No…wait… I said “salad tossing”. Rats, so close. Hey – just stumbled on your diary and I’m lovin’ it. Great writing, guy!

  2. Bad Penny says:

    The answer is SALLY. Don’t congratulate me, I’m just smart like that.

  3. Steph says:

    Hilarious. Effin hilarious.

  4. Sychotic1 says:

    Doh! I got them all wrong!

  5. Mir says:

    Thank GOODNESS I didn’t turn off profanity in Blog Explosion, I would’ve completely missed this post…. ;)

  6. Zette says:

    That was great fun…too bad I got them all wrong! (although I thought about the salad shooter, but changed my mind…damn!)

    Love your blog!

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