Helloooooo, Eugene!

November 17, 2004

Howdy, peeps.

Before I get all lubed up and running today, I’d first like to throw out a ‘thanks!’ to whoever it is that picks the ‘Blog of the Day‘ for the Eugene, Oregon web portal. This humble little site of mine was chosen as the ‘BotD for yesterday, November 16th, and I’m thrilled and honored to be selected.

Never mind, really, that I’ve never actually mentioned Eugene within these pages. Or ever been there. Or be able to find it on a map. Or for that matter spell it, without the help of the domain name in my referer logs. No matter, folks.

No, clearly the person responsible for choosing the daily bloggy goodness for all the… um, Eugenians? Eugenators? Eugenots, maybe? Anyway, whoever’s doing the choosing is clearly more interested in quality content, and sophisticated penis humor, and… I dunno, particular shades of blue, maybe, and less concerned about the good folks of Eugene being actually involved in the blogging.

And so, I say, ‘Thank you‘ to whoever that was. Unless it’s a monkey of some kind, throwing darts at a list of blogs. Or some random blog generator, auto-clicking through Blog Explosion and posting the ninth link, or some shit like that.

(On the other hand, that’s fine, too. That’s more or less how I picked a college, come to think of it. And found a job. And got laid for the first time… but really, that’s a story for another day, eh?)

Okay, then. Thanking mode off. So what next?

Actually, I don’t have a lot of time just now. I’m stealth-blogging this from work, then I’ve got to jet home, and head off to an open mic down in Dorchester, south of the city.

(Of Boston, that is. Not Eugene. Though maybe it’s south of Eugene, too — who the hell knows? What am I, fricking Magellan over here?

And no, kids, me mentioning ‘Magellan’ does not give you fair license to start with that Dr. Scholl’s crap. One word about ‘gellin‘, and you’ll get my foot upside your melon. We clear, there, Popinfresh?)

Anyway, soon I’ll be fighting damned traffic to get home, and then fighting damned traffic to get to the show. I’m not looking forward to that. It’s not exactly ‘root canal’ bad, but it’s not cool. Here’s pretty much where this sort of thing fits on my continuum of painful bullshit:

1: Having the toilet flushed while in the shower

2: Three words: Fear Factor marathon

3: Eating anything I cooked myself ‘from scratch’

4: Doing anything that involves a ‘Brazilian wax’

5: Watching an Old Navy commercial

6: Being kicked in the crotchals by Mia Hamm

* Fighting Masshole traffic twice in one night *

7: Seeing the damned Yankees win a World Series (not in ’04, baby!)

8: Getting a sweaty, drunken lap dance from Tom Arnold

9: Hearing Fran Drescher singing the National Anthem

10: Spending a candlelit night in prison with Mike Tyson

So yeah, it’s about a 6.7. Maybe 6.8, if you really catch it during rush hour. But there are worse tortures out there, and hey, I get to drink at the bar, so I can’t complain too much. I can, however, be running late, as usual. So I’m gonna jet. Happy hump day, everybody!