Charlie Hatton About This
About Me
Email Me

Charlie Hatton
Brookline, MA

All Quotes


Howdy, friendly reading person!
I'm on a bit of a hiatus right now, but only to work on other projects -- one incredibly exciting example being the newly-released kids' science book series Things That Make You Go Yuck!
If you're a science and/or silliness fan, give it a gander! See you soon!

Random Thoughts After a Hard Day’s Work

Jeez, what a workday. Three hours of meetings this morning, another hour and a half this afternoon, and now I’m installing new software on my laptop. Slooooooowly. This is like watching grass grow, or paint dry, or Keanu Reeves act. Painful.

Tonight, I’ve got to take the dog to the vet for a checkup. Amazingly — at least to me — my dog is great at the vet’s. Mainly, I think she just digs the attention and love, and therefore puts up with all the associated poking and prodding. Come to think of it, it’s a pretty good deal for her.

(Hey, if a nurse at my doctor’s office would come and rubbed my underside while I was getting my shots, I wouldn’t mind going to the doctor, either. Hell, if some random chick on the street came up and started ‘petting’ me, I’d probably let her jam a needle or two in me, too. I’m pretty sure I’m not alone in this. Seriously, ladies — try us sometime. Just don’t tease us, and always have a lollipop ready for us afterwards. There are rules for this sort of thing, you know.)

Now, what the hell was I talking about? Ah, my long, meeting-infested day. Gotcha.

Except I think I’m done bitching about that — most of you have similar problems, so there’s not a lot of entertainment value there.

(Of course, most of you probably don’t have strange sultry women coming at you with needles, so maybe it’s a wash. If that sort of thing is ‘old hat’ to you, then you probably need to find a different neighborhood. Or stop pissing off the local womenfolk, or stop pissing on the local womenfolk, or in any case stop doing whatever it is that’s making them lunge at you with syringes. That’s a pretty clear sign that you’re doing something wrong; I’m sure of that.)

So. What other trouble can we get into, then? Hmmm. I’m drawing a blank. It’s as though the meetings and software and office crap just sucked every ounce of creativity right out of my head.

(Whether through my nostrils or my ears, I can’t really tell. Could be either, actually — I feel like I can hear a little better than usual, but I also smell a faint whiff of almonds when I sniff. That’s right, isn’t it — creativity smells faintly of almonds? Oh, no, wait; that’s gangrene. Creativity smells like citrus and old socks. Damn. I could have a problem, then. I’ll have to check on that.)

I’m not sure whether this should be adding to my troubles or helping them, but I’m also currently in an office with room for five people, but I’m the only one here. Everyone else moved out to greener pastures, and it’s a little creepy being in here all by myself. Truth be told, I’ve never seen more than three people in here at once, despite the five desks. And frankly, five people in this space would be pretty damned cramped, unless we threw the chairs and wastebaskets out into the hallway.

(Dunno what we’d have left to do in here if we did that, though. I bet we could play a mean game of Twister in here, though.)

Anyway, it’s moot, because all my office mates are now mating in offices with other people.

(That sounded just a tad presumptuous, didn’t it? I suppose I don’t really know that any of them are — as we speak — ‘mating’, whether in an office or anywhere else. And to be fair, I can’t really give you good odds that a couple of them ever mate. Scary little buggers, they are.

I think I just got carried away with the thought of playing Twister in here. I mean, I know the kind of kinky shit that always leads to. I read Penthouse Letters — I’m down with the 411. Dog. Um, yeah. Ahem.)

Okay, where the hell was I? Offices? Mating? Gangrene? Damn. I lost it.

Well, maybe I’ll have better luck tonight, after I get the dog back home and settle in for the night. Hopefully, some dinner — and perhaps a few shots of tequila — will get my brain back on the right track. Right now, I’m fried, and it’s almost time for the puppy’s appointment, so I’m gonna get the hell out of here. Until then, you folks have a nice evening, and — *snuuurf!!*

Damn. I swear that smells like almonds. I hope to hell somebody’s eating some sort of nut assortment, or drinking an almond mocha, or something in the next office. I’m starting to get a bit nervous here. I don’t remember haveing any horrible, life-threatening, limb-mangling traumas in the past couple of days… but the way my brain feels right now, that’s no guarantee. I’ll have to have the wife do a full-body scan on me when I get home tonight. Guess that means I’ll have to talk her into a game of naked Twister. Boy, the things I do in the name of good health, eh?

Permalink  |  4 Comments

4 Responses to “Random Thoughts After a Hard Day’s Work”

  1. Jon says:

    you know, they say cyanide smells like almonds…

    you there, Charlie?



  2. nefarious says:

    Yeah, I had a similar day. I’ve had a lot of them lately. Since I’m doing remodeling in the ‘interim’ I have to bid my work based on my hourly rate. Having a client yammer at me for half of the day means I’m making half of what I bid. It makes me want to stuff a cyanide soaked sock in her pie hole.

  3. Jeff A says:

    Lets not talk about cyanide please, I work with the stuff all night. I work in a plating shop and regularly deal with both cyanide and several kinds of acid. If you are around cyanide and you smell burnt almonds you are in trouble and it’s time to get the hell out!

  4. Jon says:

    Now the important question is how in the hell I remembered that. That’s just weird.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail © 2003-15 Charlie Hatton All Rights Reserved
Me on Film 'n' Stage:
  Drinkstorm Studios

Me on Science (silly):
  Secondhand SCIENCE

Me on Science (real):
  Meta Science News

Me on ZuG (RIP):
  Zolton's FB Pranks
  Zolton Does Amazon

Favorite Posts:
30 Facts: Alton Brown
A Commute Dreary
A Hallmark Moment
Blue's Clues Explained
Eight Your 5-Hole?
El Classo de Espanol
Good News for Goofballs
Grammar, Charlie-Style
Grammar, Revisitated
How I Feel About Hippos
How I Feel About Pinatas
How I Feel About Pirates
Life Is Like...
Life Is Also Like...
Smartass 101
Twelve Simple Rules
Unreal Reality Shows
V-Day for Dummies
Wheel of Misfortune
Zolton, Interview Demon

Me, Elsewhere

Standup Comedy Clips

Selected Clips:
  09/10/05: Com. Studio
  04/30/05: Goodfellaz
  04/09/05: Com. Studio
  01/28/05: Com. Studio
  12/11/04: Emerald Isle
  09/06/04: Connection

Boston Comedy Clubs

 My 100 Things Posts

Selected Things:
  #6: My Stitches
  #7: My Name
  #11: My Spelling Bee
  #35: My Spring Break
  #36: My Skydives
  #53: My Memory
  #55: My Quote
  #78: My Pencil
  #91: My Family
  #100: My Poor Knee

More Features:

List of Lists
33 Faces of Me
Punchline Fever
Simpsons Quotes
Quantum Terminology

...Bleeding Obvious
By Ken Levine
Defective Yeti
Divorced Dad of Two
Gallivanting Monkey
Junk Drawer
Life... Weirder
Little. Red. Boat.
Mighty Geek
Scott's Tip of the Day
Something Authorly
Unlikely Explanations

Full Archive

Category Archives:

(Stupid) Computers
A Doofus Is Me
Articles 'n' Zines
Audience Participation
Awkward Conversations
Bits About Blogging
Bitter Old Man Rants
Blasts from My Past
Cars 'n' Drivers
Dog Drivel
Foodstuff Fluff
Fun with Words!
Grooming Gaffes
Just Life
Loopy Lists
Making Fun of Jerks
Marketing Weenies
Married and a Moron
Miscellaneous Nonsense
Potty Talk / Yes, I'm a Pig
Sleep, and Lack Thereof
Tales from the Stage
Tasty Beverages
The Happy Homeowner
TV & Movies & Games, O My!
Vacations 'n' Holidays
Weird for the Sake of Weird
Whither the Weather
Wicked Pissah Bahstan
Wide World o' Sports
Work, Work, Work

Alas Smith and Jones
Berkeley Breathed
Bill Hicks
Dave Barry
Dexter's Laboratory
Douglas Adams
Evening at the Improv
Fawlty Towers
George Alec Effinger
Jake Johannsen
Married... With Children
Monty Python
Nick Bakay
Peter King
Ren and Stimpy
Rob Neyer
Sluggy Freelance
The Simpsons
The State

Plugs, Shameless
100 Best Humor Blogs | Healthy Moms Magazine



Feeds and More
Subscribe via FeedBurner


RSS 2.0
Site Hosting:
Solid Solutions

Powered by:

Title Banner Photo:
Shirley Harshenin

Creative Commons License
  This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons License

Performancing Metrics

Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

Valid XHTML 1.0

Valid CSS!

© 2003-15 Charlie Hatton
All Rights Reserved