Charlie Hatton About This
About Me
Email Me

Charlie Hatton
Brookline, MA

All Quotes


Howdy, friendly reading person!
I'm on a bit of a hiatus right now, but only to work on other projects -- one incredibly exciting example being the newly-released kids' science book series Things That Make You Go Yuck!
If you're a science and/or silliness fan, give it a gander! See you soon!

Out of the Frying Pan…

…and into the freezer. Shiver. Rinse. Repeat.

With winter finally gripping New England by the short and frigid curlies, I’m faced with a dilemma. It has to do with my office at work. My sweltering office.

Every day this week, I’ve gotten out of bed, showered, shaved, and stood dripping in a towel by my computer, looking up the predicted temperature range for the day. And every day, the forecast has included sub-fifty degree temperatures, driving rain, or both.

(That’s fifty degrees Fahrenheit, for my ‘continental’ friends out there. I readily admit that a one hundred degree-based system makes more sense. And I realize that if it were fifty degrees centigrade, I’d have much larger temperature issues. Like my sneakers melting to my feet.

I just choose not to care right now. I’m telling a story here.)

“Yesterday afternoon, I smelled something burning; it was either my officemate’s monitor overheating or my hair catching fire.”

The point is, I’ve had to dress for the weather the past few days. It’s not exactly ‘thermals and winter coat and fuzzy wool noseplugs’ weather, but I’m not walking around in short shorts and sandals, either. Partly because that ensemble went out of style a few decades ago. Partly because I’d scare the bejeesus out of the neighborhood kids in that getup. But mostly because, in this weather, I’d need a periscope and a set of salad tongs to find my testicles again.

So I bundle up, a bit. Denim jeans. A sturdy pair of socks. A warm long-sleeved rugby. And snuggled in the middle of that ensemble, I’m comfortable — in the house, outside, in the car, I’m good.

Until I get to my office.

My office is filled with lots of stuff. There’s my desk, and the desk of the girl with whom I share the room. There’s some sort of scraggly houseplant of unknown pedigree. There’s a file cabinet, and a bookshelf, and the dented spot on the carpet under my desk where I hold my head in my hands and cry most days. There’s the thermostat by the door. And then, there’s the sunlight.

The entire half of the room housing my officemate’s desk is windowed. Two sides of the room transparent, fifteen floors above ground, with no tall buildings nearby. While that does give our workspace a positively breathtaking view of the blocky hospital buildings and dingy lowrise brownstones nearby, it also allows a barrage of sunlight to bombard the room, from dawn till dusk.

And since the thermostat I mentioned doesn’t actually work, that means the office temperature routinely soars into the eighties. This time, I just might mean centigrade. Yesterday afternoon, I smelled something burning; it was either my officemate’s monitor overheating or my hair catching fire. Either way, it worried me a little. And made me hungry. For hair. Not good.

With December looming, it’s only going to get worse. It’s bad enough wearing long sleeves into a sauna every morning; in a couple of months, I’ll be sweating under earmuffs and a Gore-Tek parka. The deepest cut of all is that damned useless thermostat; why tease us with relief when there’s none to be had? I’ve turned that bastard down to eight-and-a-half degrees, and what did it get me? Two armpit stains and sweat on my keyboard. Thermostat, schermostat.

So I’ve decided to do the only sensible thing. Those short shorts and sandals? Well, fashion be damned. For the next six months, I’m wearing them underneath my winter gear, and stripping down when I hit the office. That should save the neighborhood kids from having to see it, at least — and maybe it’ll get be un-invited to some of those marathon staff meetings, too.

Plus, if I angle my chair right, I’ll be ready to hit the beach with a nearly-all-over tan come June. Sounds like a win-win to me.

Well, for everyone except my officemate, of course. Hey, somebody has to make a sacrifice here. Poor girl.

Permalink  |  No Comments

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail © 2003-15 Charlie Hatton All Rights Reserved
Me on Film 'n' Stage:
  Drinkstorm Studios

Me on Science (silly):
  Secondhand SCIENCE

Me on Science (real):
  Meta Science News

Me on ZuG (RIP):
  Zolton's FB Pranks
  Zolton Does Amazon

Favorite Posts:
30 Facts: Alton Brown
A Commute Dreary
A Hallmark Moment
Blue's Clues Explained
Eight Your 5-Hole?
El Classo de Espanol
Good News for Goofballs
Grammar, Charlie-Style
Grammar, Revisitated
How I Feel About Hippos
How I Feel About Pinatas
How I Feel About Pirates
Life Is Like...
Life Is Also Like...
Smartass 101
Twelve Simple Rules
Unreal Reality Shows
V-Day for Dummies
Wheel of Misfortune
Zolton, Interview Demon

Me, Elsewhere

Standup Comedy Clips

Selected Clips:
  09/10/05: Com. Studio
  04/30/05: Goodfellaz
  04/09/05: Com. Studio
  01/28/05: Com. Studio
  12/11/04: Emerald Isle
  09/06/04: Connection

Boston Comedy Clubs

 My 100 Things Posts

Selected Things:
  #6: My Stitches
  #7: My Name
  #11: My Spelling Bee
  #35: My Spring Break
  #36: My Skydives
  #53: My Memory
  #55: My Quote
  #78: My Pencil
  #91: My Family
  #100: My Poor Knee

More Features:

List of Lists
33 Faces of Me
Punchline Fever
Simpsons Quotes
Quantum Terminology

...Bleeding Obvious
By Ken Levine
Defective Yeti
Divorced Dad of Two
Gallivanting Monkey
Junk Drawer
Life... Weirder
Little. Red. Boat.
Mighty Geek
Scott's Tip of the Day
Something Authorly
Unlikely Explanations

Full Archive

Category Archives:

(Stupid) Computers
A Doofus Is Me
Articles 'n' Zines
Audience Participation
Awkward Conversations
Bits About Blogging
Bitter Old Man Rants
Blasts from My Past
Cars 'n' Drivers
Dog Drivel
Foodstuff Fluff
Fun with Words!
Grooming Gaffes
Just Life
Loopy Lists
Making Fun of Jerks
Marketing Weenies
Married and a Moron
Miscellaneous Nonsense
Potty Talk / Yes, I'm a Pig
Sleep, and Lack Thereof
Tales from the Stage
Tasty Beverages
The Happy Homeowner
TV & Movies & Games, O My!
Vacations 'n' Holidays
Weird for the Sake of Weird
Whither the Weather
Wicked Pissah Bahstan
Wide World o' Sports
Work, Work, Work

Alas Smith and Jones
Berkeley Breathed
Bill Hicks
Dave Barry
Dexter's Laboratory
Douglas Adams
Evening at the Improv
Fawlty Towers
George Alec Effinger
Jake Johannsen
Married... With Children
Monty Python
Nick Bakay
Peter King
Ren and Stimpy
Rob Neyer
Sluggy Freelance
The Simpsons
The State

Plugs, Shameless
100 Best Humor Blogs | Healthy Moms Magazine



Feeds and More
Subscribe via FeedBurner


RSS 2.0
Site Hosting:
Solid Solutions

Powered by:

Title Banner Photo:
Shirley Harshenin

Creative Commons License
  This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons License

Performancing Metrics

Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

Valid XHTML 1.0

Valid CSS!

© 2003-15 Charlie Hatton
All Rights Reserved