Charlie Hatton About This
About Me
Email Me

Charlie Hatton
Brookline, MA

All Quotes


Howdy, friendly reading person!
I'm on a bit of a hiatus right now, but only to work on other projects -- one incredibly exciting example being the newly-released kids' science book series Things That Make You Go Yuck!
If you're a science and/or silliness fan, give it a gander! See you soon!

You’re From Where? Hey, I Heard a Poem About You!

And now, from the ‘Notes to Self Department‘:

  • When you’re watching the deciding game in an important baseball series — say, oh, I don’t know, the American League Championship Series — and your team is cruising to a win against their evil sworn enemies, don’t say something stupid like:

    Hey, look, Pedro’s coming back out for the eighth! We’ve got this thing wrapped up!

    While you may be logical and rational enough to know that there’s no such thing as a ‘jinx’, the superstitious bastards around you won’t forget it if when your team folds like a house of cards and chokes. And they’ll blame you. So just keep your damned mouth shut. Washing beer and popcorn and ‘probably spit’ out of your hair is no damned picnic, dude.

  • Now that you actually live in New England, you should probably stop reciting that damned limerick every time you meet a ‘man from Nantucket’. Most of them really don’t appreciate it, and they’ve all heard that shit before. And some of them are a little punchy about it. Literally. Ouchie.
  • Next time you decide to surprise the wife by doing all the laundry, you should probably check the ‘Load Size’ setting. It seems that she does some itty bitty loads from time to time — delicates and unmentionables, no doubt — and turns the dial to the ‘Miniscule’ setting. And apparently, if you stuff seventy-two towels in there at once (like you know you will), and wash them with the thimbleful of water the lowest setting pumps out, it’s not going to go well. It’s really less ‘doing laundry’, and more ‘giving the linens a big fat bubble bath’. So be careful.
  • The dog understands many commands. But it turns out that ‘Please don’t step on my testicles!‘ is not one of them. Seek alternative preventive measures. (Or have an ice pack handy. Whichever is easier.)
  • Just because you split time in your job between two offices, you can’t assume that they don’t talk to each other. While it’s possible that you might get away with telling Office A that Office B has a wireless network, and vice versa, because you want one of them to pony up the cash for a wireless card for your laptop (so you can use it at your house, like you’re doing right now to write this entry), you’ll probably get busted when they visit each others’ office. Like they do every week at those meetings you go to. Damn.
Permalink  |  No Comments

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail © 2003-15 Charlie Hatton All Rights Reserved
Me on Film 'n' Stage:
  Drinkstorm Studios

Me on Science (silly):
  Secondhand SCIENCE

Me on Science (real):
  Meta Science News

Me on ZuG (RIP):
  Zolton's FB Pranks
  Zolton Does Amazon

Favorite Posts:
30 Facts: Alton Brown
A Commute Dreary
A Hallmark Moment
Blue's Clues Explained
Eight Your 5-Hole?
El Classo de Espanol
Good News for Goofballs
Grammar, Charlie-Style
Grammar, Revisitated
How I Feel About Hippos
How I Feel About Pinatas
How I Feel About Pirates
Life Is Like...
Life Is Also Like...
Smartass 101
Twelve Simple Rules
Unreal Reality Shows
V-Day for Dummies
Wheel of Misfortune
Zolton, Interview Demon

Me, Elsewhere

Standup Comedy Clips

Selected Clips:
  09/10/05: Com. Studio
  04/30/05: Goodfellaz
  04/09/05: Com. Studio
  01/28/05: Com. Studio
  12/11/04: Emerald Isle
  09/06/04: Connection

Boston Comedy Clubs

 My 100 Things Posts

Selected Things:
  #6: My Stitches
  #7: My Name
  #11: My Spelling Bee
  #35: My Spring Break
  #36: My Skydives
  #53: My Memory
  #55: My Quote
  #78: My Pencil
  #91: My Family
  #100: My Poor Knee

More Features:

List of Lists
33 Faces of Me
Punchline Fever
Simpsons Quotes
Quantum Terminology

...Bleeding Obvious
By Ken Levine
Defective Yeti
Divorced Dad of Two
Gallivanting Monkey
Junk Drawer
Life... Weirder
Little. Red. Boat.
Mighty Geek
Scott's Tip of the Day
Something Authorly
Unlikely Explanations

Full Archive

Category Archives:

(Stupid) Computers
A Doofus Is Me
Articles 'n' Zines
Audience Participation
Awkward Conversations
Bits About Blogging
Bitter Old Man Rants
Blasts from My Past
Cars 'n' Drivers
Dog Drivel
Foodstuff Fluff
Fun with Words!
Grooming Gaffes
Just Life
Loopy Lists
Making Fun of Jerks
Marketing Weenies
Married and a Moron
Miscellaneous Nonsense
Potty Talk / Yes, I'm a Pig
Sleep, and Lack Thereof
Tales from the Stage
Tasty Beverages
The Happy Homeowner
TV & Movies & Games, O My!
Vacations 'n' Holidays
Weird for the Sake of Weird
Whither the Weather
Wicked Pissah Bahstan
Wide World o' Sports
Work, Work, Work

Alas Smith and Jones
Berkeley Breathed
Bill Hicks
Dave Barry
Dexter's Laboratory
Douglas Adams
Evening at the Improv
Fawlty Towers
George Alec Effinger
Jake Johannsen
Married... With Children
Monty Python
Nick Bakay
Peter King
Ren and Stimpy
Rob Neyer
Sluggy Freelance
The Simpsons
The State

Plugs, Shameless
100 Best Humor Blogs | Healthy Moms Magazine



Feeds and More
Subscribe via FeedBurner


RSS 2.0
Site Hosting:
Solid Solutions

Powered by:

Title Banner Photo:
Shirley Harshenin

Creative Commons License
  This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons License

Performancing Metrics

Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

Valid XHTML 1.0

Valid CSS!

© 2003-15 Charlie Hatton
All Rights Reserved