Charlie Hatton About This
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Charlie Hatton
Brookline, MA

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Howdy, friendly reading person!
I'm on a bit of a hiatus right now, but only to work on other projects -- one incredibly exciting example being the newly-released kids' science book series Things That Make You Go Yuck!
If you're a science and/or silliness fan, give it a gander! See you soon!

Internet Gift Us, Ev’ry One!

(‘Tis the season again — the season for Secondhand SCIENCE. Although that’s every season. Work with me here.

This week, the holiday cheer is all about the homeobox. Swish your tinsel over there and check it out.

Also! You can still vote for our Magicland webseries in The Online Film Festival. Huzzah!)

I think I finally have this internet Christmas shopping thing down. It’s only taken several decades — though in my defense, the internet wasn’t actually a thing for some of that time. And let’s face it, before Amazon Prime, what was even the point? Honestly.

Still, I’ve had my share of online-shopping failures. I’ve ordered the wrong thing, because I didn’t look closely enough. I’ve had other peoples’ presents delivered to my house, just in time for Christmas (but while I was away). And I once bought my wife a set of “sexy” panties online… that were four sizes larger than she wears.

That was not my best year. Though I have to admit, the control-top waistbands are mighty comfortable.

“Don’t buy anything you’d have to see in person first. Like underpants. Or jewelry. Adopted children, that sort of thing.”

The point is, I’ve learned some online Christmas shopping lessons over the years. Sweat the details. Don’t buy anything you’d have to see in person first. Like underpants. Or jewelry. Adopted children, that sort of thing. And when you can, always take the gift-wrapping option. Particularly if you’re as terrible at it as I am.

That leaves an entire almost-world of potential presents to make someone’s holiday merrier. And with fast-track shipping, there’s no pressure to start early. I remember the “bad old days” — like, before this year, when I hadn’t yet perfected my system. The Christmas system. The Chrystem. Back then, every trip I took, I’d bring back souvenirs for gifts. I’d buy presents months ahead of time — often when a loved one mentioned something they wanted, before I forgot. I picked things out in person, on trips dedicated to holiday shopping.

Sucker. I probably had a pterodactyl record player, too.

Well, no more. Now it’s all-online, never-panties, last-minute Christmas for me. Two-day shipping. Millions of items. Pictures of stuff, which is probably more or less good enough, right? It’s not like it’s an important holiday, like a birthday or St. Pat’s or International Hug A Poodle Day.

Anyway, what I’m saying is, I’ve finally got Christmas figured out. And if you’re likely to get a present from me, expect a box — containing another box, professionally gift-wrapped — to arrive in the mail, on or about Christmas Eve. Or certainly no later than the 26th. Unless it’s on back order.

Whatever it is I buy you, that is. I’ll figure that out next week sometime. It’s definitely not online Christmas shopping time yet.

Don’t worry. I’ve got it all figured out. Merry Chrystem-mas!

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HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail © 2003-15 Charlie Hatton All Rights Reserved
Me on Film 'n' Stage:
  Drinkstorm Studios

Me on Science (silly):
  Secondhand SCIENCE

Me on Science (real):
  Meta Science News

Me on ZuG (RIP):
  Zolton's FB Pranks
  Zolton Does Amazon

Favorite Posts:
30 Facts: Alton Brown
A Commute Dreary
A Hallmark Moment
Blue's Clues Explained
Eight Your 5-Hole?
El Classo de Espanol
Good News for Goofballs
Grammar, Charlie-Style
Grammar, Revisitated
How I Feel About Hippos
How I Feel About Pinatas
How I Feel About Pirates
Life Is Like...
Life Is Also Like...
Smartass 101
Twelve Simple Rules
Unreal Reality Shows
V-Day for Dummies
Wheel of Misfortune
Zolton, Interview Demon

Me, Elsewhere

Standup Comedy Clips

Selected Clips:
  09/10/05: Com. Studio
  04/30/05: Goodfellaz
  04/09/05: Com. Studio
  01/28/05: Com. Studio
  12/11/04: Emerald Isle
  09/06/04: Connection

Boston Comedy Clubs

 My 100 Things Posts

Selected Things:
  #6: My Stitches
  #7: My Name
  #11: My Spelling Bee
  #35: My Spring Break
  #36: My Skydives
  #53: My Memory
  #55: My Quote
  #78: My Pencil
  #91: My Family
  #100: My Poor Knee

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List of Lists
33 Faces of Me
Punchline Fever
Simpsons Quotes
Quantum Terminology

...Bleeding Obvious
By Ken Levine
Defective Yeti
Divorced Dad of Two
Gallivanting Monkey
Junk Drawer
Life... Weirder
Little. Red. Boat.
Mighty Geek
Scott's Tip of the Day
Something Authorly
Unlikely Explanations

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