From the ‘Be careful what you bitch about’ department:
Yesterday, I went on and on… and yes, on about how damned cold it was. Too cold to go frolic naked on the lawn, colder than a penguin’s freezy teat, and — this is the really important and non-disturbing bit — too cold to snow.
So, of course, it warmed up.
And now it’s fricking snowing. Lousy smartass nature.
And snowing like the dickens, too. That’s one of those old-fashioned, quaint little tack-ons, you know — ‘like the dickens‘. Makes it seem all rustic and shit down here, dunnit? Downright bucolic. Or bubonic — I’m always getting those two confused.
(Damn. This is what happens when I write entries while I’m watching old Monty Python episodes. It’s even sillier than usual. But bless that BBC America, eh? Pip pip, and all of that.)
All right — back to the story, such that it is.
I came out of work tonight to find the snow pissing down all around. Very dangerous, too — I had a hell of a time getting home, slipping all over the road. So, of course, as soon as I hit the door, I ordered a pizza.
Hey, if I have to put my life on the line driving home, then somebody else should damned well risk their neck bringing me dinner. That’s only fair, I think. Plus, I was hungry. These were desperate times. Desperate, snowy, hungry times.
(Okay, so switching to watching the Simpsons didn’t really help much, eh? Damn. None of my favorite shows makes my writing any less silly. Maybe I should try a Home Movies rerun, or something.)
Anyway, I made it home. And the pizza was nummy. I’m not sure I really had a point. Really, this was all just an excuse to mention penguin teats. It’s all an elaborate ruse. Which I think is another one of those quaint, old-school sayings I’m always hearing about. An ‘elaborate ruse‘. Teats. On penguins. This stuff is gold, people.
(Nope. Home Movies isn’t working, either. And now I’m writing in really, really short sentences. And wondering whether Melissa is hot in real life. And why they didn’t draw Paula a nose.)
Yeah, I’m not sure this is working, really. Either the ADD is kicking in here, or I’ve had way too much caffeine and TV tonight. Let’s try again tomorrow, shall we? Assuming I can dig the hell out of all this snow, of course.
Eh, screw it. I’m gonna watch some Family Guy and go to bed. Later, folks.Permalink | 3 Comments