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Charlie Hatton
Brookline, MA

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Howdy, friendly reading person!
I'm on a bit of a hiatus right now, but only to work on other projects -- one incredibly exciting example being the newly-released kids' science book series Things That Make You Go Yuck!
If you're a science and/or silliness fan, give it a gander! See you soon!

Beep Beep! Beep Beep! Tttthhhhppppttt!

All right, all right — we get it already, for chrissakes. Every car maker on the fricking planet is having an ‘Employee Cash Back for Everyone’ sale. We get it — stop it with the damned commercials every three minutes, please.

Or at the very least, cut out the pomp and hoopla when you’re announcing your deal, dammit. It’s not the coolest thing since sliced bread. At best, it’s the coolest thing since the last car maker rolled out their deal, which was very probably yesterday. So can the confetti, lower your ‘TV announcer voice’, and put the balloons away. It’s getting annoying.

Just this morning, I saw another one of these fricking commercials. How they can possibly believe that they’re ‘unveiling’ a ‘surprise’ with their cash-back deal at this point is beyond me. Maybe the ad people all live under rocks, or in caves, or in some third-world country where television hasn’t made an appearance yet. Like… I don’t know, Mississippi, maybe.

Anyway, here’s the exchange I just had with the boob on the boob tube:

TV: And now — Toyota is proud to present…

Me: *grumble* What, employee cash back for everyone? Get out.

TV: A once-in-a-lifetime, extra-special anniversary event…

Me: Is it… employee cash back for everyone?

TV: Have you thought you’d never be able to afford a new car?

Me: Not with…. employee cash back for everyone. Ya douche.

TV: Well, now you can! Because Toyota is offering…

Me: Say it! Goddamn it — say it!

TV: Unprecedented deals, with our… Employee! Cash! Baaack!

Me: Yes, but for whom?

TV: For eeeeveryone!

Me: Plan?

TV: Plan. Yes. The Employee Cash Back for Everyone… Plan. Right. Ends soon. Dealer stock only. Buy Toyota. Woo.

Me: Fuckers.

Makes me glad I’ve already got a car. I bought it used. And paid through the nose for it. But at least I didn’t have to put up with annoying bullshit commercials for a month before I bought it. Stick that cash up your employees’ backs and smoke it, car bastards. Yeah.

Permalink  |  4 Comments

4 Responses to “Beep Beep! Beep Beep! Tttthhhhppppttt!”

  1. Zette says:

    Couldn’t have said it better myself. Bunch of goddamned lemmers, they are! Grrrr!

  2. Cheryl says:

    In the UK and mercifully absolved from such suffering.

    But then I loathe any TV advert (usually US or German products) where they have decided that sparkle and amazed looks are enough to enthrall the watcher. Like those stupid bloody air fresheners wehere the entire family has orgasms about the smell and walks round all pop-eyed about it. Puke.

  3. Gregor says:

    It didn’t come out of my nose, but only ’cause I wasn’t drinking. You’re like, funny or something. But what I really want to know is, do the employees now get a special discount on top of the discount? Or are they all pissed off, like, There used to be one good thing about this frickin job, and now it’s a goddamn jingle.

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