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So… How Much Did You Miss Me?

Hey, all — I’m finally back from the land of bad food, bad teeth, and horrible, horrible weather. No, I’m not talking about Minneapolis, sillykins — I just got back from England! London, specifically, and — to be fair — I found that those mean things I said up there simply aren’t true. The food was great, the city was sunny almost every day we were there, and… um, well, yeah. I saw some really, really bad teeth. Some of those people looked like they were trying to shuffle dominoes in their mouth or something. Ick. But two out of three ain’t bad, right?

Anyway, in all seriousness, Britain was quite the blast, and I was duly impressed. Despite all the ribbing above, I found it to truly be the land of ‘great minds’. Like ‘mind the gap’ — that’s a good one. You hear that a lot on the subway over there. Or ‘mind the step’; there’s one that comes in handy. Or ‘mind your head’. I’m telling you — great minds. See?

(Yeah, look, shaddup, all right? I just spent a whole week not trying to be funny every other goddamned minute. I’m a little rusty. Suck it.)

In any case, I’ll be telling you far, far more about the trip than your fragile, delicate human brains will ever be able to handle. But not tonight. Soon, yes. Tonight, no. Tonight, I sleep for fourteen hours to battle jetlag and my body’s unfortunate misconception that it’s currently six o’clock in the freaking morning.

But rest assured, gentle readers — there is much in the works. Just let me get my this-side-of-the-sea legs under me, and we’ll get back to our comfy, usual routine of ‘me write, you recoil in horror’. Just as soon as I wake up — I’m thinking Tuesday, or Wednesday at the very latest. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go pass out face-first onto my pillow. It’s good to be home. Ta!