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Charlie Hatton
Brookline, MA

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Howdy, friendly reading person!
I'm on a bit of a hiatus right now, but only to work on other projects -- one incredibly exciting example being the newly-released kids' science book series Things That Make You Go Yuck!
If you're a science and/or silliness fan, give it a gander! See you soon!

I Just Knew She Was the One…

Have I mentioned lately how damned cool my wife is? No? Well, she is. So, there. Big fat frothy mugs of ‘jealous‘ all ’round. Drink up.

What makes her so cool? Well, a million reasons — but I’ll give you just one, from last night. When she got home, I was watching a Tivoed Simpsons episode, and — as is my custom — giggling like a tickled schoolgirl. She didn’t roll her eyes, or ‘tsk‘ at me, or anything like that. She just walked over, gave me a kiss hello, let my goofiness slide, and went upstairs to change clothes.

But wait — it gets better.

See, I was watching a true classic Simpsons — the legendary octuplets episode. For about the nineteenth time. And when my wife came back downstairs, the show was nearing the very best part, so I asked her to have a look. Calmly, professionally, maturely… yeah, I can’t back that up. Here’s what I said:

Oooh, honey. Come ‘ere, come ‘ere, come ‘ere! This is the best part. Hold on, hold on… it’s comin’. *squeal!* Ooh, I can’t hardly wait!

Now, most wives wouldn’t even step in the room at that point. Most husbands would be squealing to their wife’s ass, or gibbering at ‘the hand’. But not my wife — no, sir. She came in to watch, and see what all the hubbub was about.

And then the best part came on.

(If you’re interested in such things, the best part of this episode is after Apu and Manjula have had the octuplets, and Apu’s back at work, exhausted. Then Flanders comes in — oooh, I hate that damned Flanders! — and starts spouting cheerful baby crap at him, until Apu finally responds:

Shut up!

Shut up!!

I can’t believe you don’t shut up!!!

Oh man, that’s a classic. Gets me every time.)

Sure, it’s too bad that my wife missed the ‘Let’s get this stuff to the real heroes — the Shelbyville nine!‘ line, and Homer’s ‘Mmmmmm… ovulicious‘, but she did see the best part.

Anyway, right on cue, I squealed and giggled and kicked my little legs in delight. Still, she didn’t say a word, or even frown. That puts her in elite territory right there. The pope would tell me to fuck off at that point. The woman’s a saint, I tell you.

But there’s more!

Finally, after I’d caught my breath, and checked to make sure I hadn’t peed my pants (all clear!), I looked up and said,

Man, I love this episode! This is the best ever!

And how did she reply to that? Did she seize the opportunity to say, ‘Well, you’re a goober.‘ Or, ‘We really need to get you some help, you know.‘ Or even, ‘What the hell is wrong with you, anyway?‘ Maybe she gave up, and shot me a distracted ‘That’s nice, dear.‘ without really hearing me. Or did she just walk out of the room, sadly shaking her head at me?

Nope. None of the above. Here’s what she said:

Yeah, it’s pretty good. But the best is the one where Lisa goes to the wrong school, and the teacher says, ‘En francais!’, and all the kids go, ‘Huh huh huh huh huh’ at her.

How fucking cool is that? Not only was she on board, but she’d come up with an answer of her own, and even cited examples to make her case!

(Okay, so that last bit is just the lawyer in her coming out… but still!)

Damn, I love that woman! Now I’ve just got to get her watching Family Guy, and we’ll be all set. I love it when a plan comes together!

Permalink  |  3 Comments

3 Responses to “I Just Knew She Was the One…”

  1. Sabrina says:

    Simpsons Rule! But the best episode is then Milhouse’s parents get divorced and Kerney comes out with “my divorce ahsn’t hurt my kid any” and his kid looks over and says “I sleep in a drawer”…best line ever!

  2. nefarious says:

    Bastard. I thought I was doing good getting her to watch with me. At least she has graduated to the point of busting out loud at some of the Homerisms.

    I have sinned. Forgive me. I have coveted your wife, but only for her Simpson’s expertise.

  3. Charlie says:

    S’ok, nef — I get that a lot.

    Just leave three doughnuts as a peace offering, say three ‘Okiley dokiley‘s and an ‘Eat my shorts!‘ as penance, and all will be absolved.

    Krusty be with you, my son.

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