Charlie Hatton About This
About Me
Email Me

Charlie Hatton
Brookline, MA

All Quotes


Howdy, friendly reading person!
I'm on a bit of a hiatus right now, but only to work on other projects -- one incredibly exciting example being the newly-released kids' science book series Things That Make You Go Yuck!
If you're a science and/or silliness fan, give it a gander! See you soon!

D00d! N0 \/\/@y! I @/\/\ 5ooo there!

Okay, I know it wasn’t long ago that I took a tiptoe through the spam garden, to see what kind of crap my mail filter is weeding out. And there are only so many words that you can milk out of a topic that’s so damned ubiquitous, but I just can’t resist this one.

The following email was actually delivered to me — the mail filter apparently believed that it was kosher and legit, for reasons that fail more or less miserably to make themselves apparent. But don’t take my word for it; have a look for yourself (self-protecting edits in italics; everything else verbatim from my mailbox):

From: “Yahoo*”

To: *my email address*

Subject: _Your_ Yahoo` User ID (*my email address*)

Date: Sat, 07 Feb 2004 13:18:00 -0500


This` ema1l INF0RM You that _your _Yahoo_ @CCOUNT (*my email address*)

wi|l be b|ocked after* 13 _days_ (_as_ after autoomateed reegisttration) 1f Y0U will

_not_ _signup_ on Yahoo` white List (_to_ sign up – cl1ck HERE: http://*my last name*

That_is D0NE beecause we* update now Yahoo` not` autoomateed reegistered @CCOUNTs.


To which I can only say… ‘D00dz. What the fuck?

Honestly, there’s not a single level that I get this on. It’s obviously not from Yahoo, and doesn’t seem like it’s meant to be taken seriously in that regard. Hell, they didn’t even bother to fake a Yahoo-based email address.

But it’s also one of those creepy hand-wavy emails that tells you that something baaaad is gonna happen if you don’t do something, right away, and don’t ask reasonable questions, man! Your account’s at stake!

But… the link in the email is to (my name) Which doesn’t exist, and won’t, ever, as far as I can tell. There’s nothing sinister or dangerous about it, as far as I can see. So what the hell is the point? It’s so weird that it’s not even irritating; it’s just… ‘huh?’ I just don’t get it.

Maybe someone’s out there just trying to confuse people. Or to convince people that their very own subdomain of Yahoo is out there somewhere — maybe this is the ‘net version of ‘Hey, what’s that on your shirt? Made you look!‘ But even then… ‘huh?’ How would the sender even know it worked? Really, this whole damned thing just makes my head spin.

Actually, I think I just figured it out. This mail was meant to be so bizarre, so contradictory, and so surreal… that someone would eventually have to post it online and write about it. And dammit, if that’s the game, then I’ll be the sappy sucker who does it. Hell, I’m glad to do it — because I can’t think of any other fricking purpose this email could serve, and I’m not gonna sleep at night unless I convince myself that there’s some kind of meaning there.

Somehow, some way, some bastard is trying to steal my money, or get my account password, or make me buy penis-enlarging pills with this stupid cockeyed email, and I just haven’t figured out how yet. I just don’t see how it’s possible with what’s there — it makes no damned sense. And if there’s one thing I hate worse than a slimy weasel spam-spewer, it’s a slimy weasel spam-spewer who confuses the living shit out of me. How the hell do I know whether he’s won or not, with this garbage? I can’t find the frigging catch, which means he might already have my money! Help! Argh! Run for the hills!

So, fuck it. I’m just gonna assume that it means nothing, and delete the damned thing. Except… maybe that’s what he wants me to do. Maybe deleting the email is what sets off its diabolical little trap. Shit! Now I don’t know what to do. I’m confused, people. Color me boggled. I’m gonna go home and crawl under the covers. I just hope I still own my house by the time I get there. This shit is scary!

Permalink  |  4 Comments

4 Responses to “D00d! N0 \/\/@y! I @/\/\ 5ooo there!”

  1. Fi says:

    Damn spammers are crafty; I got an email from a Yahoo address identical to mine except instead of it was .com

    My favourite spam message today:

    N.o pilz, N.O wurk out, N.O starv1n! plums!

  2. HR LADY says:

    P@ruhn01d???????? D’lo0$hun~L????

  3. Jeff A says:

    FWD: Cut-price Val/i/um > V1AgR * XAna/x/ ; %RND_MED_VIC+0DIN ` Pnterm/i/n – H8Rqh

  4. Trey says:

    I got not one, but TWO, of these sent to my Yahoo account…You’re right, kinda scarey. I’ve been sitting here for a day waiting for my home page to turn to porn…still no luck.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail © 2003-15 Charlie Hatton All Rights Reserved
Me on Film 'n' Stage:
  Drinkstorm Studios

Me on Science (silly):
  Secondhand SCIENCE

Me on Science (real):
  Meta Science News

Me on ZuG (RIP):
  Zolton's FB Pranks
  Zolton Does Amazon

Favorite Posts:
30 Facts: Alton Brown
A Commute Dreary
A Hallmark Moment
Blue's Clues Explained
Eight Your 5-Hole?
El Classo de Espanol
Good News for Goofballs
Grammar, Charlie-Style
Grammar, Revisitated
How I Feel About Hippos
How I Feel About Pinatas
How I Feel About Pirates
Life Is Like...
Life Is Also Like...
Smartass 101
Twelve Simple Rules
Unreal Reality Shows
V-Day for Dummies
Wheel of Misfortune
Zolton, Interview Demon

Me, Elsewhere

Standup Comedy Clips

Selected Clips:
  09/10/05: Com. Studio
  04/30/05: Goodfellaz
  04/09/05: Com. Studio
  01/28/05: Com. Studio
  12/11/04: Emerald Isle
  09/06/04: Connection

Boston Comedy Clubs

 My 100 Things Posts

Selected Things:
  #6: My Stitches
  #7: My Name
  #11: My Spelling Bee
  #35: My Spring Break
  #36: My Skydives
  #53: My Memory
  #55: My Quote
  #78: My Pencil
  #91: My Family
  #100: My Poor Knee

More Features:

List of Lists
33 Faces of Me
Punchline Fever
Simpsons Quotes
Quantum Terminology

...Bleeding Obvious
By Ken Levine
Defective Yeti
Divorced Dad of Two
Gallivanting Monkey
Junk Drawer
Life... Weirder
Little. Red. Boat.
Mighty Geek
Scott's Tip of the Day
Something Authorly
Unlikely Explanations

Full Archive

Category Archives:

(Stupid) Computers
A Doofus Is Me
Articles 'n' Zines
Audience Participation
Awkward Conversations
Bits About Blogging
Bitter Old Man Rants
Blasts from My Past
Cars 'n' Drivers
Dog Drivel
Foodstuff Fluff
Fun with Words!
Grooming Gaffes
Just Life
Loopy Lists
Making Fun of Jerks
Marketing Weenies
Married and a Moron
Miscellaneous Nonsense
Potty Talk / Yes, I'm a Pig
Sleep, and Lack Thereof
Tales from the Stage
Tasty Beverages
The Happy Homeowner
TV & Movies & Games, O My!
Vacations 'n' Holidays
Weird for the Sake of Weird
Whither the Weather
Wicked Pissah Bahstan
Wide World o' Sports
Work, Work, Work

Alas Smith and Jones
Berkeley Breathed
Bill Hicks
Dave Barry
Dexter's Laboratory
Douglas Adams
Evening at the Improv
Fawlty Towers
George Alec Effinger
Jake Johannsen
Married... With Children
Monty Python
Nick Bakay
Peter King
Ren and Stimpy
Rob Neyer
Sluggy Freelance
The Simpsons
The State

Plugs, Shameless
100 Best Humor Blogs | Healthy Moms Magazine



Feeds and More
Subscribe via FeedBurner


RSS 2.0
Site Hosting:
Solid Solutions

Powered by:

Title Banner Photo:
Shirley Harshenin

Creative Commons License
  This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons License

Performancing Metrics

Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

Valid XHTML 1.0

Valid CSS!

© 2003-15 Charlie Hatton
All Rights Reserved