The Importance of Not Being Ernest

March 6, 2011

They say Sunday is a day of rest. I’m not going to ‘rest’ in my writing today, but I’m planning on taking it a little easy. Let’s just call Sunday a ‘day of laze’.

Hey, nobody’s going to put out a thousand words every day.

(Unless you’re Hemingway, maybe. That guy was a freak of nature. On Sundays, he’d pop out a novel in the morning, hunt buffalo for lunch, wrestle a bull before a three-martini siesta and marry three women over the course of the evening.

Don’t even ask what his Tuesdays were like. Let’s just say that Hemingway didn’t always drink beer. But when he did, my friends… well, he probably drank an awful lot of it. Hemingway didn’t stay thirsty — or still — for very long.

Me, I’m no Hemingway. But if you’ve made it this far, then you know that already. Moving on.)

So this seems as good a time as any to (re-)introduce a dusty old feature here, Charlie’s Big List of Lists. As it says on the page there, these are inspired by — and sometimes summarily rejected by — similar lists that occasionally show up at McSweeney’s.

“Mostly, it’s an exercise in brevity. Today, it’s an excuse to wrap up early and take a Sunday nap.”

Mostly, it’s an exercise in brevity. Today, it’s an excuse to wrap up early and take a Sunday nap.

But it also serves a purpose. Everyone seems to have a roadmap for kick-starting the economy. Democrats, Republicans, Libertarians, librarians, Rastafarians, septuagenarians… I seem to be the only one left without a plan. Until now.

My Four-Pronged Plan to Stimulate the Economy

1. Mild electroshock treatment

2. Deep tissue massage

3. Profound existential conversation

4. Hustler

That’s it for today, and it’s back to bed for me. Eat your heart out, Ernest. The rest of you have a pleasant — and none too taxing — Sunday. Adieu.