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McSweeney’s 7, Charlie 0

The Big List of Lists has been languishing for a while here, as I’ve concentrated on other sorts of writing. Or other sorts of non-writing, as is often the case. Meanwhile, my project for papering the bedroom walls with rejection letters has stalled, too.

“Bobby Bonney, whose brother did most of the shooting, frankly”

Sounds like a good time to submit a list to McSweeney’s. So I did.

They sent it back. The good news is, I’ve got more wallpaper to work with now. And more fodder for the Big List of Lists. Enjoy.

Old West Outlaws Less Notorious Than John Wesley Hardin, Who Once Shot a Man for Snoring

Curly Joe Winchester, who once tripped a man for sneezing

Little Tex Claiborne, who once spanked a boy for tattling

Bobby Bonney, whose brother did most of the shooting, frankly

Sherman ‘Hoss’ White, who once stabbed a man for singing, and though the man lived, we hear he ended up with a really nasty scar

Wildcat Jane Clanton, who once kicked a dog for drooling

Buckshot Abrams, who once gave a man a dirty look for hitching his horse to a handicapped post

Clint ‘Doc’ McGee, who shot a man once, but only in self-defense, and was haunted by the memory for years afterward