Charlie Hatton About This
About Me
Email Me

Charlie Hatton
Brookline, MA

All Quotes


Howdy, friendly reading person!
I'm on a bit of a hiatus right now, but only to work on other projects -- one incredibly exciting example being the newly-released kids' science book series Things That Make You Go Yuck!
If you're a science and/or silliness fan, give it a gander! See you soon!

Two Things Before Bedtime

Hey again, peeps.

Just a couple of ‘quickies’ before it’s nighty-night time. First, a bit of personal experience that you’ll probably soon wish I hadn’t decided to share:

I got a haircut today. (That’s not the icky part.)

I got a haircut today, and — in case you’re unfamiliar with the intricate ballet that is a barbershop haircut, I’ll let you in on some of the details. Near the end of a barbershop haircut, the barber (that’s the one what’s got the scissors, folks) will loosen the barbee’s (that’s the one in the chair, if you hadn’t guessed by now) paper neck guard, in order to shave the back of the barbee’s neck. This is standard procedure.

(And some would say the best part of the whole experience. I dig my barbershop, because they use some sort of hot foam that comes out of a little machine, and then shave it off with a real, live straight razor. It’s all very retro and manly — I imagine that’s the way cavemen must’ve shaved their necks, in fact.)

However, it’s also standard procedure to then readjust the neck guard, to cover the neck, should the barber decide to do any more hair trimming up top after the neck shave. It’s a whole little dance that gets done — cut the hair, then shave the neck, and then, if you’re touching up the hair, you have to reseal the neck with the little paper thingy. It’s right there in the manual, people. This isn’t the rocket science part of the haircut.

(Of course not. As we all know, the rocket science part of the haircut is two people trying to hold a polite conversation, while one is trying to hold his head perfectly still — so as not to get stabbed inadvertently in the eyeball — and the other is trying desperately not to talk with hands, in order to avoid said peeper puncturing.

And bonus rocket science points if you manage to repress a sneeze during the operation, or if your barber is Italian. Or cuts hair while he’s talking on the phone — which my old barber used to do. And that’s why I call him my old barber. He was scary enough without the multitasking, dammit.)

Anyway, the point is, today, my barber friend neglected — oh, the horror! — to replace the paper doodad sealing my severed hair from my bare neck. And then he trimmed. Trimmed, I tell you! This irresponsible behavior set in motion a nasty chain of events, at the end of which is the icky part:

Hair from my head fell on my neck.

Said hair, sitting on my neck, slid down the back of my T-shirt.

My T-shirt was tucked into my jeans.

The hair, finding no barrier from neck to ass, slid down the inside of my shirt and into my jeans.

Sitting here, right now, I thus have a considerable number of unconnected hairs pooling in my underwear. This causes me discomfort — both physical and mental, mind you — on many, many levels.

So, there you go. Hairs in my pants. I know you didn’t need to know that. And you know what? I don’t care. Because right now, I’m sitting on hair that used to be on my head. My own head hair is, as we speak, likely lodged in my ass crack. And all for the want of a properly adjusted paper thingy. ‘Tis a sad, sad tale, to be sure. And itchy. And kind of prickly, particularly on the left-cheek side.

(Wha? Too much? Oh, all right. Moving on, then.)

The other pre-bed tidbit I wanted to share is far less squinchy, you’ll be happy to know. I just wanted to mention that I’ve signed up for a little service/club/game called ‘Blog Explosion‘, and it seems pretty cool. It seems, so far, to be sort of a quid pro quo traffic generation tool, and based on the server logs for today, it seems to work in pretty much real time. Which is cool, because I can always get behind something that’s offering instant gratification, boys and girls. I’m all about that shit.

So, give it a looksee, especially if you’re looking for traffic for your own site. Oh, and if you use the link above (or this one –> Blog Explosion <--), you'll count (I think) as one of my referrees, which gets me... I dunno. Points, or something. I haven't really read the docs yet; I'm just going with the flow for now. But still -- it's worth something, so thanks in advance if you clicky-click your way through.

And that’s all for now, folks. I’m off to bed, where I’m hoping the ‘leftovers’ from my haircut will work themselves into a spot more amenable to restful sleep — like onto the sheets, or into my socks, or something. Otherwise, I’m gonna get the bathroom floor all accidentally hairy when I take a shower in the morning. And if there’s one thing I hate, it’s being accidentally hairy. Blech.

Have a great weekend, folks.

Permalink  |  4 Comments

4 Responses to “Two Things Before Bedtime”

  1. Stevie says:

    I just gave my buddy Paul, whom I’m IM-ing with, a link to here.

    Here’s what I just typed to him:

    “He is me as a guy. His brain “works” exactly like mine does and he writes like me too, when I’m in that Robin Wiliams frame of mind I get into sometimes…”

    Thank you for cracking me up every time I come here.

    You rock.

  2. #Debi says:

    Even though I am female, I too occasionally have the “neck shave” experience, since I keep my hair quite short. I’ve never done the hot lather thing, tho’; sounds lovely. Anywho, I get that “hair down the back” experience, too, and it’s no fun. What I hate worse, tho’, is when the hairdresser leaves small bits of hair clinging to my face and I end up going around slapping myself like Curly after he’s seen a mouse. I HATE it when that happens!

  3. Hey, I signed up at Blog Explosion through your link!

  4. Jen says:

    Found you through BE. Nice site. I suppose you think you’re pretty funny. I guess you are, maybe, for some people, with a sense of humor. I for one don’t have one. I find your site a great resource for information about nothing and I enjoy my daily session of education from you. Thank you very much.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail © 2003-15 Charlie Hatton All Rights Reserved
Me on Film 'n' Stage:
  Drinkstorm Studios

Me on Science (silly):
  Secondhand SCIENCE

Me on Science (real):
  Meta Science News

Me on ZuG (RIP):
  Zolton's FB Pranks
  Zolton Does Amazon

Favorite Posts:
30 Facts: Alton Brown
A Commute Dreary
A Hallmark Moment
Blue's Clues Explained
Eight Your 5-Hole?
El Classo de Espanol
Good News for Goofballs
Grammar, Charlie-Style
Grammar, Revisitated
How I Feel About Hippos
How I Feel About Pinatas
How I Feel About Pirates
Life Is Like...
Life Is Also Like...
Smartass 101
Twelve Simple Rules
Unreal Reality Shows
V-Day for Dummies
Wheel of Misfortune
Zolton, Interview Demon

Me, Elsewhere

Standup Comedy Clips

Selected Clips:
  09/10/05: Com. Studio
  04/30/05: Goodfellaz
  04/09/05: Com. Studio
  01/28/05: Com. Studio
  12/11/04: Emerald Isle
  09/06/04: Connection

Boston Comedy Clubs

 My 100 Things Posts

Selected Things:
  #6: My Stitches
  #7: My Name
  #11: My Spelling Bee
  #35: My Spring Break
  #36: My Skydives
  #53: My Memory
  #55: My Quote
  #78: My Pencil
  #91: My Family
  #100: My Poor Knee

More Features:

List of Lists
33 Faces of Me
Punchline Fever
Simpsons Quotes
Quantum Terminology

...Bleeding Obvious
By Ken Levine
Defective Yeti
Divorced Dad of Two
Gallivanting Monkey
Junk Drawer
Life... Weirder
Little. Red. Boat.
Mighty Geek
Scott's Tip of the Day
Something Authorly
Unlikely Explanations

Full Archive

Category Archives:

(Stupid) Computers
A Doofus Is Me
Articles 'n' Zines
Audience Participation
Awkward Conversations
Bits About Blogging
Bitter Old Man Rants
Blasts from My Past
Cars 'n' Drivers
Dog Drivel
Foodstuff Fluff
Fun with Words!
Grooming Gaffes
Just Life
Loopy Lists
Making Fun of Jerks
Marketing Weenies
Married and a Moron
Miscellaneous Nonsense
Potty Talk / Yes, I'm a Pig
Sleep, and Lack Thereof
Tales from the Stage
Tasty Beverages
The Happy Homeowner
TV & Movies & Games, O My!
Vacations 'n' Holidays
Weird for the Sake of Weird
Whither the Weather
Wicked Pissah Bahstan
Wide World o' Sports
Work, Work, Work

Alas Smith and Jones
Berkeley Breathed
Bill Hicks
Dave Barry
Dexter's Laboratory
Douglas Adams
Evening at the Improv
Fawlty Towers
George Alec Effinger
Jake Johannsen
Married... With Children
Monty Python
Nick Bakay
Peter King
Ren and Stimpy
Rob Neyer
Sluggy Freelance
The Simpsons
The State

Plugs, Shameless
100 Best Humor Blogs | Healthy Moms Magazine



Feeds and More
Subscribe via FeedBurner


RSS 2.0
Site Hosting:
Solid Solutions

Powered by:

Title Banner Photo:
Shirley Harshenin

Creative Commons License
  This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons License

Performancing Metrics

Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

Valid XHTML 1.0

Valid CSS!

© 2003-15 Charlie Hatton
All Rights Reserved