Whacking Myself Has Never Been This Much Fun!

June 24, 2003

Whacking Myself Has Never Been This Much Fun!

If you can’t find this blog in the dark, then you’ve got no business looking for it in the first place.

Just a quick note this time (hopefully) to commemorate this blog’s first Googling.

(If you co-memorate something by yourself, by the way, will you really remember it? And do you really want to get together with folks to co-miserate? It sounds dreadful. When you co-mend someone, are they really fixed? And why isn’t it called the co-missionary position, if you can’t get into it by yourself? Enquiring minds are mildly curious!)

Yeeeees, well. Charging forward, then.

Anyway, I checked this morning and ‘wherethehellwasi‘ now returns a site — this site! — in Google searches.

(It didn’t last night, nor yesterday afternoon, or morning, or the day before, or the day before that. I’m tellin’ ya, I tried. Over and over, like some demented kid goin’ to DisneyLand — ‘Is it there yet? Is it there yet? Is it there yet?’ I walked around for four friggin’ days muttering ‘Google me, Google me, Google me…’ under my breath. My wife gave me aspirin; the dog started running away from me. It was awful. The guys at the office rented a stripper to try and help out, but she told them that ‘Googling’ would be two hundred extra, so they cleaned her up and walked her home.)

So now, I’ve got the double whammy. Not only can I make myself giggle till I pee writing this crap (and I seem to be the only one doing so, at this point), but now I can spend what free time I have left over trying to Googlewhack myself. Which, oddly enough, involves neither a tub of Vaseline nor ‘Juggies’ of any kind. No. Though maybe it should, just a little. But… no. No, for those of you unfamiliar with Googlewhacking, here’s a whole site dedicated to the practice.

(Aw, my first embedded link-out. *sniff* My blog is growing up so fast! It’s my special blog!)

What was I saying? Oh, right, Googlewhacking myself. Of course.

“The guys at the office rented a stripper to try and help out, but she told them that ‘Googling’ would be two hundred extra, so they cleaned her up and walked her home.”

So, in a nutshell, Googlewhacking is trying to find two words that return exactly one result (One shall be the number of pages returned, and the number of pages returned shall be one!) when fed through the Googlehopper into the search bin. So the words should be largely — nay, nearly completely — incompatible, and to be a really successful Googlewhacker, you actually need to think like the poor sods who have actually managed to plop both words on the same web page. Alcohol helps the thought process along, though I think a couple of shots of antifreeze would better approximate the scrambled brains responsible for some of these combos. I’d give you some examples, but that would defeat the purpose, of course. If I write them here, and Google re-indexes me, then bam — now the combo isn’t a Googlewhack anymore, and the person who found it comes and gives me a big flaming noogie. And frankly, I don’t want that. My eyebrows still haven’t grown back from the last time. So you’ll just have to go see for yourself.

In the meantime, though, I can try it with this page, and that makes me Happy™. There’s some weird shit happenin’ on this page, and I’m determined to find a Googlewhack here — after the fact, of course, without meaning to write one as I go along.

(Try it yourself — play along at home. Left foot on red, right hand on blue; sink my Battleships, baby.)

I’ve tried a few combos, but I haven’t found that magical Googlebusting pair yet. Of course, bringing back other sites with the same brain-jacked word pairings is also a good way to prove to myself that I’m not the most fucked-up puppy out there in the kennel. Not quite, anyway. Some of these guys are just creepy. Here, check it out yourself — here’s a list of some things I’ve tried so far:

spork and cadavers (#6 of 15 on the list)
kibosh and comptrollers (#2 of 2 on the list — so close!)
accoster and Sasquatch (#2 of 2 on the list — dammit!)
snootful and politico (#2 of 2 on the list — bitches!)

Google’s only indexed through June 20th entries, so there’s plenty more nonsense for me to sift through for goodies as soon as the site goes back through the Googlethresher.

(And if there’s one thing that gets me all slicked up and watery, it’s siftin’ for goodies. How’s that for a Big Wall moment, for those of you who’ve been following from the start?)

In the meantime, I’ve got to find a way to ‘accidentally’ get words like sanctimonious and patisserie in here. (Hey, that was easy!)