Charlie Hatton About This
About Me
Email Me

Charlie Hatton
Brookline, MA

All Quotes


Howdy, friendly reading person!
I'm on a bit of a hiatus right now, but only to work on other projects -- one incredibly exciting example being the newly-released kids' science book series Things That Make You Go Yuck!
If you're a science and/or silliness fan, give it a gander! See you soon!

Looks Like Somebody Out There Is ‘Beer Googling’ Again

Out of the frying pan, and into the blog.

I hate to devote a post entirely to searches that have led people to this site.

But frankly, I hated to do it when I wrote this post, too, and it didn’t stop me then. What in our history together would make you think I’ve suddenly sprouted a conscience?

So, away we go. Before I get to the list of recent odd, frightening, and downright freaky searches that have accidentally funneled various perverts and morons to my door, I want to mention one set of search terms that’s particularly vexing.

“What in our history together would make you think I’ve suddenly sprouted a conscience?”

At approximately a quarter after two this afternoon, someone clicked through to my site. Into the archives, and specifically to this page. The search that led him or her to me?

  • random asanine idiocy

Now, I ask you this: should I be offended somehow that this is how people find my site? Or surprised in the slightest that my blog was the only site returned by Google for this search?

(I tried it myself.)

Or should I be pleased to have a new reader, and one who spent several minutes on the site, (presumably) merrily reading along? Or disappointed that this person apparently found the ‘random asanine idiocy’ he or she was looking for, and that my writing was it? Or finally, should I just be goddamned embarrassed, because — at least once — I managed to misspell ‘asinine’?

Really, when I say I have mixed feelings about this, I’m not yankin’ your chain. I have no earthly idea what to think or feel right now. Color me nonplussed.

Okay. Now, on to the rest of the goodies — as before, I’ll post the search terms, and then do the very bestest I can to help out whoever used them to get here. You know, in case they come back. I’m all about the help. So here we go:

  • tasticles — It amazes me that there are only about a dozen Google hits for this. Oh, and I’m number six. Do I kick ass or what?
  • jiggly jubblies — Man, you have no idea. If I had those lyin’ around, I wouldn’t have time to blog. Hell, I’d probably give up sleeping.
  • meanings for a itchy bottom — Well, shit, I don’t know. You been stuffin’ Mexican jumping beans up there again?
  • steroid body disfigurement pics — So, do you mean bodies disfigured because of the effects of steroids? Or just poked and scarred from a bunch of steroid needles? You know, so if I run into some piccys, I’ll know what to save for you.
  • mary kate and ashley olsen nip slip pics — Dude, that’s sick! That’s just perver — what? They’re how old now? Oh. Um, hey, dude. If you have any luck with that search, gimme a call, okay? Thanks.
  • how are shih zu nose suppose to look — Dude, what the fuck did you do to your dog’s nose to mess it up so badly that you forget how it’s supposed to look? Damn, dude. Oh, and learn to spell.
  • testicle self mutilationEek! Eek! Eek! Eek! Eek! Okay, I’m sorry. I thought that said — Eek! Eek! Eek! Eek! Eeeeeeek!
  • gary busey mug shot pic — Hey, I think I can help this guy. I do have an old pic of Gary, and he’s holding a coffee mug. Hooray! Oh, but be warned. He’s naked, and I think he’s peeing into the mug. Man, you do not want to give that guy tequila.
  • tickled superheroine between her legs — Wait, I don’t get it. Is she tickled between her legs, or would I be tickled if I were between her legs? You’re gonna have to be more specific. But if it’s the Wonder Twin chick we’re talkin’ about, I can answer the second question. She’s a hottie.
  • “yes i am” krzyzewski — Um, no, I’m not. Obviously. Oh, and gesundheit!
  • Randy Moss is an angry fella — Yes, yes he is. So what’s your question, there, skippy?
  • current bathing habits — Um, mine? Well, I shower once a day, whether I need it or not. Plus, once a month, I hook the vacuum cleaner up to various orifices for that ‘deep down clean inside’ feeling. Um, oops. Did I share too much again?
  • needledick AND slang — As opposed to the clinical use of the term, of course. ‘I’m sorry, Mrs. Watson, but your husband is in pretty bad shape. He’s developed a terminal case of needledick. I’m afraid there’s nothing we can do. I’m so sorry.

Well, that takes care of the bulk of ’em, anyway. There’s still a few people lookin’ for naked pics of that Pam Anderson cartoon, but those requests have slowed to a moderate gush. As for the rest of you Googlers out there, I hope this has helped. Now when you try your search again, you’ll at least get some advice. Not the ‘disfigurement pics‘ or ‘olsen nip slip pics‘ you were looking for, but at least it’s something.

And if you’re looking for more than that, I’m afraid you’re out of luck. I seriously doubt I’ll post any ‘Gary Busey mug shot‘ photos, or info that’s going to help you with your ‘itchy bottom‘ or ‘shih zu (sic) nose‘. You’ll just have to look elsewhere. And I’m damned sure not gonna help you with your ‘testicle self mutilation‘. Fuckin’ a, man. What the hell have you been smoking?

Permalink  |  1 Comment

One Response to “Looks Like Somebody Out There Is ‘Beer Googling’ Again”

  1. last sentence... says:

    after all that i think i know why i don’t live on the west coast. too many people trying out too many personalities or selling something. can we get back to the soup, etc. i was enjoying the recipes.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail © 2003-15 Charlie Hatton All Rights Reserved
Me on Film 'n' Stage:
  Drinkstorm Studios

Me on Science (silly):
  Secondhand SCIENCE

Me on Science (real):
  Meta Science News

Me on ZuG (RIP):
  Zolton's FB Pranks
  Zolton Does Amazon

Favorite Posts:
30 Facts: Alton Brown
A Commute Dreary
A Hallmark Moment
Blue's Clues Explained
Eight Your 5-Hole?
El Classo de Espanol
Good News for Goofballs
Grammar, Charlie-Style
Grammar, Revisitated
How I Feel About Hippos
How I Feel About Pinatas
How I Feel About Pirates
Life Is Like...
Life Is Also Like...
Smartass 101
Twelve Simple Rules
Unreal Reality Shows
V-Day for Dummies
Wheel of Misfortune
Zolton, Interview Demon

Me, Elsewhere

Standup Comedy Clips

Selected Clips:
  09/10/05: Com. Studio
  04/30/05: Goodfellaz
  04/09/05: Com. Studio
  01/28/05: Com. Studio
  12/11/04: Emerald Isle
  09/06/04: Connection

Boston Comedy Clubs

 My 100 Things Posts

Selected Things:
  #6: My Stitches
  #7: My Name
  #11: My Spelling Bee
  #35: My Spring Break
  #36: My Skydives
  #53: My Memory
  #55: My Quote
  #78: My Pencil
  #91: My Family
  #100: My Poor Knee

More Features:

List of Lists
33 Faces of Me
Punchline Fever
Simpsons Quotes
Quantum Terminology

...Bleeding Obvious
By Ken Levine
Defective Yeti
Divorced Dad of Two
Gallivanting Monkey
Junk Drawer
Life... Weirder
Little. Red. Boat.
Mighty Geek
Scott's Tip of the Day
Something Authorly
Unlikely Explanations

Full Archive

Category Archives:

(Stupid) Computers
A Doofus Is Me
Articles 'n' Zines
Audience Participation
Awkward Conversations
Bits About Blogging
Bitter Old Man Rants
Blasts from My Past
Cars 'n' Drivers
Dog Drivel
Foodstuff Fluff
Fun with Words!
Grooming Gaffes
Just Life
Loopy Lists
Making Fun of Jerks
Marketing Weenies
Married and a Moron
Miscellaneous Nonsense
Potty Talk / Yes, I'm a Pig
Sleep, and Lack Thereof
Tales from the Stage
Tasty Beverages
The Happy Homeowner
TV & Movies & Games, O My!
Vacations 'n' Holidays
Weird for the Sake of Weird
Whither the Weather
Wicked Pissah Bahstan
Wide World o' Sports
Work, Work, Work

Alas Smith and Jones
Berkeley Breathed
Bill Hicks
Dave Barry
Dexter's Laboratory
Douglas Adams
Evening at the Improv
Fawlty Towers
George Alec Effinger
Jake Johannsen
Married... With Children
Monty Python
Nick Bakay
Peter King
Ren and Stimpy
Rob Neyer
Sluggy Freelance
The Simpsons
The State

Plugs, Shameless
100 Best Humor Blogs | Healthy Moms Magazine



Feeds and More
Subscribe via FeedBurner


RSS 2.0
Site Hosting:
Solid Solutions

Powered by:

Title Banner Photo:
Shirley Harshenin

Creative Commons License
  This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons License

Performancing Metrics

Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

Valid XHTML 1.0

Valid CSS!

© 2003-15 Charlie Hatton
All Rights Reserved