Charlie Hatton About This
About Me
Email Me

Charlie Hatton
Brookline, MA

All Quotes


Howdy, friendly reading person!
I'm on a bit of a hiatus right now, but only to work on other projects -- one incredibly exciting example being the newly-released kids' science book series Things That Make You Go Yuck!
If you're a science and/or silliness fan, give it a gander! See you soon!

I Sold My Soul for a Buck Oh Nine

The more dedicated readers of this site — that is, those three of you who’ve managed to read this far into a post, ever — may have noticed that I recently implemented Google AdSense for the blog. You intrepid souls may also be wondering: why? Does he really think he can make money from this nonsense? Has he finally exhausted all other obvious ways to annoy us? Is he finally jumping on the ad bandwagon, only six years after everyone else?

Ah, pesky reader — so many questions you have. The answers, of course, are ‘because‘, ‘not particularly‘, ‘probably‘, and ‘shut up, I’ve been busy, you insufferable blowhard‘. But not necessarily in that order.

Honestly, I hooked up with AdSense for the same reason I do most things in life these days. It’s why I write here, every day that I can. Why I jot down the first ideas I have in the morning, why I read the weekend police blotter, and why I call my wife ‘Slickypants‘ when she least expects it — because I want to be a better writer.

(And what better way than practicing drivel, capturing new drivel, reading about sordid drivel, and… well, I don’t really have a good reason for ‘Slickypants‘. I just think it’s kind of hot, when you think about it.

Also, lots of good writers have stories about sleeping in the guest bed, right? Right?!)

Anyway, here’s the deal — I’ve determined that I want one of these things. What is it? It’s essentially a portable keyboard / word processor, which runs PalmOS, works for twenty-plus hours on battery power, starts up in a split second, and talks via WiFi to other computers. It’s also causing a little bit of tenting in my pants right now, just typing about it. Also? It’s four hundred bucks, plus change.

So much for the tenting. Say goodbye to the peepee teepee, folks. Four hundred bucks is a bundle of bread.

Now, chances are I could find a way to buy my new toy. I could raid the piggy bank, or collect cans, or turn tricks behind the dumpster at the local Dunkin Donuts. Again. But I’ve decided not to. This time, I’m putting my little foot down and drawing a line in the sand. If I want something for blogging, then confound it, blogging’s going to pay for it. Blogging’s been hanging out at my place for too long, sinking its ass into my couch and eating all the Chee-tos. Time for blogging to put in a little frigging work around here.

Hence the ads. I don’t know that they’re going to amount to anything — although, encouragingly enough, I’ve accumulated a full $1.09 since implementing the things on Saturday night. That’s a buck oh nine, people. That’s an average of more than a dollar per since-Saturday-night!

(No, no, dear — don’t try to follow the math. I’m a trained professional over here. Just trust me.)

So, at this rate, I’ll be able to buy my sweet new precious in… well, let’s see — carry the one, multiply by a person’s average lifespan, add six weeks for shipping — yes, in approximately practically never, that’s when. But hey, at least now I’m trying. If any of you other smartypants types of internet moguls know how to generate cash on the internet without a pyramid scheme or a perky set ot tatas, I’d love to hear it. Because I am not going to jail for a fancy keyboard, and I’ve already started to sag — so my options are limited at this point. Help a droopy brother out, would ya?

Tell you what — I’ll even give you an (outrageously dubious) incentive to help me out: if I ever scrape enough fundage together to buy my new toy, I’m pledging now to use it to blog every single day for an entire year. Three hundred and sixty-five big ones, people, and not a day missed. All it takes is a revenue stream that works faster than fricking teutonics, and all of this drivel — and much, much more — could be yours for the perusing. Kinda gets you all tenty in the pants yourselves, dunnit? Ladies?

In the meantime, we’ll dance to our current tune. I’ll jot down a few hundred words when I’m home, at the computer, and not immersed in work or play or nonsense of some kind. And I’ll just wish that I could connect with you while I’m sitting in a meeting at work, or stopped at a long red light, or twiddling my thumbs idly on the john. Because those are the moments when inspiration strikes, people — and often by the time the meeting ends, or the light turns, or my legs fall asleep and I lurch forward with my pants around my ankles, the moment has passed. Those are posts lost to the wind, and I want to make sure such a travesty will never, ever happen again. Won’t you help me?

Permalink  |  5 Comments

5 Responses to “I Sold My Soul for a Buck Oh Nine”

  1. The Red says:

    Wow! I wonder how many blogs I have read were written while you were sitting with your pants around your ankles? Boggles the mind it does!

    I might have to look into that google thing myself….hmmmmm….course that means more blogging from me. I wonder if I could come up with something to write about every day?

  2. Don says:

    That was well written and had me laughing up my breakfast as I tried to eat as I read!

    Good luck in your search for funds for your new toy!

  3. Jenn says:

    Now you’re up to $1.10. I clicked an ad for you.

    It’s the least I can do considering your posts always make me smile.

  4. RRaccoon says:

    “lurch forward with my pants around my ankles”

    If I could be reasonably certain no poop would be involved I’d pay money to see that.

  5. DdLynn says:

    I think you are runing the wrong kind of adds.

    With Fox news on the air who needs to pay for comedy? What I need is a new pair of pants, or at least a dry pair after reading your bog.

    Thanks for the laugh!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail © 2003-15 Charlie Hatton All Rights Reserved
Me on Film 'n' Stage:
  Drinkstorm Studios

Me on Science (silly):
  Secondhand SCIENCE

Me on Science (real):
  Meta Science News

Me on ZuG (RIP):
  Zolton's FB Pranks
  Zolton Does Amazon

Favorite Posts:
30 Facts: Alton Brown
A Commute Dreary
A Hallmark Moment
Blue's Clues Explained
Eight Your 5-Hole?
El Classo de Espanol
Good News for Goofballs
Grammar, Charlie-Style
Grammar, Revisitated
How I Feel About Hippos
How I Feel About Pinatas
How I Feel About Pirates
Life Is Like...
Life Is Also Like...
Smartass 101
Twelve Simple Rules
Unreal Reality Shows
V-Day for Dummies
Wheel of Misfortune
Zolton, Interview Demon

Me, Elsewhere

Standup Comedy Clips

Selected Clips:
  09/10/05: Com. Studio
  04/30/05: Goodfellaz
  04/09/05: Com. Studio
  01/28/05: Com. Studio
  12/11/04: Emerald Isle
  09/06/04: Connection

Boston Comedy Clubs

 My 100 Things Posts

Selected Things:
  #6: My Stitches
  #7: My Name
  #11: My Spelling Bee
  #35: My Spring Break
  #36: My Skydives
  #53: My Memory
  #55: My Quote
  #78: My Pencil
  #91: My Family
  #100: My Poor Knee

More Features:

List of Lists
33 Faces of Me
Punchline Fever
Simpsons Quotes
Quantum Terminology

...Bleeding Obvious
By Ken Levine
Defective Yeti
Divorced Dad of Two
Gallivanting Monkey
Junk Drawer
Life... Weirder
Little. Red. Boat.
Mighty Geek
Scott's Tip of the Day
Something Authorly
Unlikely Explanations

Full Archive

Category Archives:

(Stupid) Computers
A Doofus Is Me
Articles 'n' Zines
Audience Participation
Awkward Conversations
Bits About Blogging
Bitter Old Man Rants
Blasts from My Past
Cars 'n' Drivers
Dog Drivel
Foodstuff Fluff
Fun with Words!
Grooming Gaffes
Just Life
Loopy Lists
Making Fun of Jerks
Marketing Weenies
Married and a Moron
Miscellaneous Nonsense
Potty Talk / Yes, I'm a Pig
Sleep, and Lack Thereof
Tales from the Stage
Tasty Beverages
The Happy Homeowner
TV & Movies & Games, O My!
Vacations 'n' Holidays
Weird for the Sake of Weird
Whither the Weather
Wicked Pissah Bahstan
Wide World o' Sports
Work, Work, Work

Alas Smith and Jones
Berkeley Breathed
Bill Hicks
Dave Barry
Dexter's Laboratory
Douglas Adams
Evening at the Improv
Fawlty Towers
George Alec Effinger
Jake Johannsen
Married... With Children
Monty Python
Nick Bakay
Peter King
Ren and Stimpy
Rob Neyer
Sluggy Freelance
The Simpsons
The State

Plugs, Shameless
100 Best Humor Blogs | Healthy Moms Magazine



Feeds and More
Subscribe via FeedBurner


RSS 2.0
Site Hosting:
Solid Solutions

Powered by:

Title Banner Photo:
Shirley Harshenin

Creative Commons License
  This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons License

Performancing Metrics

Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

Valid XHTML 1.0

Valid CSS!

© 2003-15 Charlie Hatton
All Rights Reserved