Charlie Hatton About This
About Me
Email Me

Charlie Hatton
Brookline, MA

All Quotes


Howdy, friendly reading person!
I'm on a bit of a hiatus right now, but only to work on other projects -- one incredibly exciting example being the newly-released kids' science book series Things That Make You Go Yuck!
If you're a science and/or silliness fan, give it a gander! See you soon!

I’m Just Peachy, ‘Pedro’ — How Are You?

Have you ever been involved in one of those ‘personal touch’ customer service gimmicks that backfires horribly? I run up against the same one over and over again, once a week or more. And you know — even after months of this nonsense, I still haven’t set these people straight. And yet, I keep coming back. The dance of the dingleberries goes on.

This particular slice of eye-rolliness comes courtesy of one of our (many) local fast-food Chinese restaurants. For their food, they can’t be beat in the same price range. As delivery time goes, they’re phenomenal. Dominos Pizza got nothing on these folks. But the problem — the annoying, brow-furrowing issue with this establishment — is the phone call.

Now, first of all, let me clear something up — I’m not going to complain about not being able to understand the person on the other end of the line. For one thing, that’s rude. They’re just doing their job; who am I to poke fun at them? For another, it’s not very PC. Tsk.

Mostly, though, it’s just not relevant. Can I understand the guy answering the phone? Not particularly. But I catch at least as much of the conversation as I do when I call other Asian joints, or try ordering at the drive-through at one of the local burger shacks. I’ll take an unfamiliar accent to the crazed ramblings of a pimply sixteen-year-old IM phreak any day. And super-size on Sundays.

So, it’s not that. Instead, it’s their customer database. They’ve got one of those fancy dealies that links phone numbers up to addresses. And names, too — that’s where the problem comes in. See, they’re trying to make ordering more convenient — pick the phone number off the caller ID, link it up to the address, and then all they have to ask is ‘Whaddaya you want?‘ Great. On paper.

The problem is, they have to set the number up. And, like most places, they want to stand apart, to provide service with a ‘personal touch’. So, the first time we called, they asked for my address — which they got right — and my name… which they didn’t. So now, when I’ve got a hankering for some fried rice or wonton soup, I don’t have to tell anyone the delivery address. But I do have to put up with this:

Hello… oh, hello, Jeremy! How are you tonight, Jeremy? What would you like, Jeremy? Want to start with the eggrolls… Jeremy?


So now, I’m Jeremy. I could probably clear the whole thing up, but that would take a half an hour and several thousand brain cells that I simply can’t spare. And so, as I said, the conga of the cluetards marches on. You can call me Jeremy. I’ll be your partner for this dance. Let’s tango.

Permalink  |  4 Comments

4 Responses to “I’m Just Peachy, ‘Pedro’ — How Are You?”

  1. Jeff Clark says:

    Very entertaining there ‘Jeremy’. What next, slamming on Jews? :) Good stuff

  2. Impatient says:

    I’m the same way myself – you can call me all sorts of rude things and it won’t bother me nearly as much as if you (with complete sincerity) get my name wrong.

  3. Mike says:

    I hate that. My last name ends with a ce, but noonoe ever hears that on the phone unless I spell it out. I always get mail adressed to me with the wrong last name.

  4. Deanna says:

    Good work Germy…. there’s a nickname for your newname!!!! he he he he !!!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail © 2003-15 Charlie Hatton All Rights Reserved
Me on Film 'n' Stage:
  Drinkstorm Studios

Me on Science (silly):
  Secondhand SCIENCE

Me on Science (real):
  Meta Science News

Me on ZuG (RIP):
  Zolton's FB Pranks
  Zolton Does Amazon

Favorite Posts:
30 Facts: Alton Brown
A Commute Dreary
A Hallmark Moment
Blue's Clues Explained
Eight Your 5-Hole?
El Classo de Espanol
Good News for Goofballs
Grammar, Charlie-Style
Grammar, Revisitated
How I Feel About Hippos
How I Feel About Pinatas
How I Feel About Pirates
Life Is Like...
Life Is Also Like...
Smartass 101
Twelve Simple Rules
Unreal Reality Shows
V-Day for Dummies
Wheel of Misfortune
Zolton, Interview Demon

Me, Elsewhere

Standup Comedy Clips

Selected Clips:
  09/10/05: Com. Studio
  04/30/05: Goodfellaz
  04/09/05: Com. Studio
  01/28/05: Com. Studio
  12/11/04: Emerald Isle
  09/06/04: Connection

Boston Comedy Clubs

 My 100 Things Posts

Selected Things:
  #6: My Stitches
  #7: My Name
  #11: My Spelling Bee
  #35: My Spring Break
  #36: My Skydives
  #53: My Memory
  #55: My Quote
  #78: My Pencil
  #91: My Family
  #100: My Poor Knee

More Features:

List of Lists
33 Faces of Me
Punchline Fever
Simpsons Quotes
Quantum Terminology

...Bleeding Obvious
By Ken Levine
Defective Yeti
Divorced Dad of Two
Gallivanting Monkey
Junk Drawer
Life... Weirder
Little. Red. Boat.
Mighty Geek
Scott's Tip of the Day
Something Authorly
Unlikely Explanations

Full Archive

Category Archives:

(Stupid) Computers
A Doofus Is Me
Articles 'n' Zines
Audience Participation
Awkward Conversations
Bits About Blogging
Bitter Old Man Rants
Blasts from My Past
Cars 'n' Drivers
Dog Drivel
Foodstuff Fluff
Fun with Words!
Grooming Gaffes
Just Life
Loopy Lists
Making Fun of Jerks
Marketing Weenies
Married and a Moron
Miscellaneous Nonsense
Potty Talk / Yes, I'm a Pig
Sleep, and Lack Thereof
Tales from the Stage
Tasty Beverages
The Happy Homeowner
TV & Movies & Games, O My!
Vacations 'n' Holidays
Weird for the Sake of Weird
Whither the Weather
Wicked Pissah Bahstan
Wide World o' Sports
Work, Work, Work

Alas Smith and Jones
Berkeley Breathed
Bill Hicks
Dave Barry
Dexter's Laboratory
Douglas Adams
Evening at the Improv
Fawlty Towers
George Alec Effinger
Jake Johannsen
Married... With Children
Monty Python
Nick Bakay
Peter King
Ren and Stimpy
Rob Neyer
Sluggy Freelance
The Simpsons
The State

Plugs, Shameless
100 Best Humor Blogs | Healthy Moms Magazine



Feeds and More
Subscribe via FeedBurner


RSS 2.0
Site Hosting:
Solid Solutions

Powered by:

Title Banner Photo:
Shirley Harshenin

Creative Commons License
  This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons License

Performancing Metrics

Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

Valid XHTML 1.0

Valid CSS!

© 2003-15 Charlie Hatton
All Rights Reserved