Charlie Hatton About This
About Me
Email Me

Charlie Hatton
Brookline, MA

All Quotes


Howdy, friendly reading person!
I'm on a bit of a hiatus right now, but only to work on other projects -- one incredibly exciting example being the newly-released kids' science book series Things That Make You Go Yuck!
If you're a science and/or silliness fan, give it a gander! See you soon!

Parking Up the Wrong Tree

I mentioned a while back that my wife needed a car for her new work commute, so we’re now rocking two vehicles.

This is all well and good. The only glitch is, we’re not rocking two parking spaces.

Not yet, at least. In October, we get another spot and we’ll be again balanced with the number of automobiles and automobile-sized repositories. Until then, not so much. So I’ve ceded the existing spot to the missus, for the time being. Meaning I have to find a place to stash my car for a while.

In some places, this wouldn’t be an especially tough problem. Find a space. Park car. Don’t move car for three weeks. Or possibly, park car in a different spot every day its needed, and maybe walk the extra half-block if need be, because you could sure as hell use the exercise anyway, ya lazy tub.

(Remember, this is my car we’re parking here, not the wife’s. Don’t forget who we’re talking to. And tell my in-laws to stop sending snarky messages already.)

Sadly, neither of those solutions is especially helpful here in sunny Brookline, Massachusetts, where the local constables and burgermeisters and such have decided it would be fun to enact and enforce — oh, believe you me, enforce — the following town parking mandates:

1. All parking spots, metered or otherwise, have a two-hour limit.

2. No overnight parking on the street, anywhere in town. None. Zero. Bupkis.

That’s just dandy, of course, if you happen to have access to the same number of parking spots as parkable vehicles. And also, an arm, three legs and an appendage to be named later to pay for said spots, because parking real estate in no-overnight Nazi-parking-town is at a tad of a premium.

But if you happen, say, to have an extra Prius lying around because a member of your household is now commuting halfway to Pennsylvania for work, then you’re more or less sucking tailpipe without a hybrid. That’s how they (cam)shaft you. Probably the town council people all ride bikes to work. Jackholes.

And so, I’ve been dancing the hokey-Nissan-pokey with our “old” car this month. It’s been all over, and we’re not done yet. I’ve had it in our current spot, when I can sneak a few hours there. It’s been in the ‘guest’ spot of an apartment parking lot a few blocks over — at least until the super started giving it the stink eye. One night, I left it at work and walked the four miles home. It was a hike — but still easier than finding yet another temporary and possibly hostile home. I feel like I’m peddling a foster child or something.

(In which case, the “leave it in the mall parking lot” strategy probably wouldn’t go over so big. I’m just saying.)

I’m not sure what the Brookline brass have against convenient parking, frankly. Maybe an occupied street spot killed their fathers, or something. Or they all have meter maid mistresses, maybe. Something.

Meanwhile, I’ve got a homeless car and roving gangs of ‘Parking Enforcement’ officers eager to ticket my ride into oblivion. Or possibly into Boston, where a garage will cost you three bags of cash and a testicle to park overnight.

(If you get in early, it’s only two bags of cash — but the testicle is non-negotiable. I don’t know what you do if you have to park over a long weekend. Bring a friend, I guess.)

So I’ll keep shuffling the car until October, when we finally re-equilibrate the ratio of parkable hunks of metal and the spots they hold so dear. Or I’ll exile my vehicle to the suburbs for a couple of weeks, and get some exercise making the schlep to the office.

Or I’ll park at a meter right in damned front of my condo, and ignore any tickets I happen to get. These are extenuating circumstances, so far as I’m concerned. What’s the worst that could happen?

Permalink  |  No Comments

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail © 2003-15 Charlie Hatton All Rights Reserved
Me on Film 'n' Stage:
  Drinkstorm Studios

Me on Science (silly):
  Secondhand SCIENCE

Me on Science (real):
  Meta Science News

Me on ZuG (RIP):
  Zolton's FB Pranks
  Zolton Does Amazon

Favorite Posts:
30 Facts: Alton Brown
A Commute Dreary
A Hallmark Moment
Blue's Clues Explained
Eight Your 5-Hole?
El Classo de Espanol
Good News for Goofballs
Grammar, Charlie-Style
Grammar, Revisitated
How I Feel About Hippos
How I Feel About Pinatas
How I Feel About Pirates
Life Is Like...
Life Is Also Like...
Smartass 101
Twelve Simple Rules
Unreal Reality Shows
V-Day for Dummies
Wheel of Misfortune
Zolton, Interview Demon

Me, Elsewhere

Standup Comedy Clips

Selected Clips:
  09/10/05: Com. Studio
  04/30/05: Goodfellaz
  04/09/05: Com. Studio
  01/28/05: Com. Studio
  12/11/04: Emerald Isle
  09/06/04: Connection

Boston Comedy Clubs

 My 100 Things Posts

Selected Things:
  #6: My Stitches
  #7: My Name
  #11: My Spelling Bee
  #35: My Spring Break
  #36: My Skydives
  #53: My Memory
  #55: My Quote
  #78: My Pencil
  #91: My Family
  #100: My Poor Knee

More Features:

List of Lists
33 Faces of Me
Punchline Fever
Simpsons Quotes
Quantum Terminology

...Bleeding Obvious
By Ken Levine
Defective Yeti
Divorced Dad of Two
Gallivanting Monkey
Junk Drawer
Life... Weirder
Little. Red. Boat.
Mighty Geek
Scott's Tip of the Day
Something Authorly
Unlikely Explanations

Full Archive

Category Archives:

(Stupid) Computers
A Doofus Is Me
Articles 'n' Zines
Audience Participation
Awkward Conversations
Bits About Blogging
Bitter Old Man Rants
Blasts from My Past
Cars 'n' Drivers
Dog Drivel
Foodstuff Fluff
Fun with Words!
Grooming Gaffes
Just Life
Loopy Lists
Making Fun of Jerks
Marketing Weenies
Married and a Moron
Miscellaneous Nonsense
Potty Talk / Yes, I'm a Pig
Sleep, and Lack Thereof
Tales from the Stage
Tasty Beverages
The Happy Homeowner
TV & Movies & Games, O My!
Vacations 'n' Holidays
Weird for the Sake of Weird
Whither the Weather
Wicked Pissah Bahstan
Wide World o' Sports
Work, Work, Work

Alas Smith and Jones
Berkeley Breathed
Bill Hicks
Dave Barry
Dexter's Laboratory
Douglas Adams
Evening at the Improv
Fawlty Towers
George Alec Effinger
Jake Johannsen
Married... With Children
Monty Python
Nick Bakay
Peter King
Ren and Stimpy
Rob Neyer
Sluggy Freelance
The Simpsons
The State

Plugs, Shameless
100 Best Humor Blogs | Healthy Moms Magazine



Feeds and More
Subscribe via FeedBurner


RSS 2.0
Site Hosting:
Solid Solutions

Powered by:

Title Banner Photo:
Shirley Harshenin

Creative Commons License
  This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons License

Performancing Metrics

Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

Valid XHTML 1.0

Valid CSS!

© 2003-15 Charlie Hatton
All Rights Reserved