Charlie Hatton About This
About Me
Email Me

Charlie Hatton
Brookline, MA

All Quotes


Howdy, friendly reading person!
I'm on a bit of a hiatus right now, but only to work on other projects -- one incredibly exciting example being the newly-released kids' science book series Things That Make You Go Yuck!
If you're a science and/or silliness fan, give it a gander! See you soon!

Play Twice, Pay the Price

In the spring, I made the unfortunate decision to join two volleyball teams that played on consecutive (Wednesday and Thursday) nights. I enjoy playing, and like (need) the exercise, but ideally the sessions of flinging myself across a gym and filling my socks with sweat would be spaced out a little more. Like once every equinox, maybe. I’m thirty-six, for crissakes. One of these days, I’ll break a hip out there or sprain a prostate or put out an eye with my walker or something.

Now it’s time for the fall season. And while I’m six months older, I’m apparently just exactly as stupid. Because I just played volleyball for the first time in months on Wednesday night. And for the second time in months last night.


“From the wrists down, I feel the burn like I’m training for Clubber Lang. The rest of me would probably lose a pillow fight with Mickey.”

I’d forgotten just how many muscles are used only on the volleyball court. At least in my life; maybe you have one of those jobs where you use muscles a lot, like moving pianos or erecting buildings or juggling chainsaws for spare change at the subway station. Hey, good for you.

(Me, I’m a programmer. I type on a keyboard for ten hours a day. From the wrists down, I feel the burn like I’m training for Clubber Lang. The rest of me would probably lose a pillow fight with Mickey.)

So, for two nights I dusted off those long-dormant muscles used to spike and block and high-five and pull my fat ass off the floor. And today, they’re fighting back. Most of the complaints seem to be coming from the back and arms, with a few angry customers scattered around the rib cage and stomach, too.

(Happily, the legs have abstained from this particular round of soreness. I guess all that walking once a day to and from the keyboard has really paid off. Super.)

Of course, the first week back is always the worst. Soon enough, I’ll be sore on Fridays, but not sore sore. Not so sore that I’ll still think about installing a motorized chair in the house to get up and down the stairs, or finding a way to get to the bathroom in the morning that involves remaining horizontal. Because this morning, if I knew where the hell to order a gurney from, it would’ve been a done deal. I’d have even paid extra for the bedpan attachment. Or an especially helpful nurse.

So now I’m trying to do the smart thing, and keep those volleyball muscles in shape through the week and year-round. At work, I’ll sprint to and from meetings. (But mostly from.) I’ll practice jumping to rinse off my knees in the shower, instead of adjusting the shower head. And at the toll booth, I’ll spike my change into the little basket.

Or at least near the basket. My spiking isn’t all that consistent, unfortunately. I may have to keep a few extra rolls of quarters in the glove box.

Hopefully, with a few little exercises and tricks, I can avoid these start-of-season unpleasantries and walk fully upright and without moaning again. Meanwhile, I’ll try to sit here perfectly motionless for the next three days until the achiness wears off. At least I can still work out my fingers and thumbs. Feel the burn, baby.

Permalink  |  1 Comment

One Response to “Play Twice, Pay the Price”

  1. Roofie Raccoon says:

    I do not foresee you remembering to stay limber next summer. Prove me wrong, Charlie. Prove me wrong.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail © 2003-15 Charlie Hatton All Rights Reserved
Me on Film 'n' Stage:
  Drinkstorm Studios

Me on Science (silly):
  Secondhand SCIENCE

Me on Science (real):
  Meta Science News

Me on ZuG (RIP):
  Zolton's FB Pranks
  Zolton Does Amazon

Favorite Posts:
30 Facts: Alton Brown
A Commute Dreary
A Hallmark Moment
Blue's Clues Explained
Eight Your 5-Hole?
El Classo de Espanol
Good News for Goofballs
Grammar, Charlie-Style
Grammar, Revisitated
How I Feel About Hippos
How I Feel About Pinatas
How I Feel About Pirates
Life Is Like...
Life Is Also Like...
Smartass 101
Twelve Simple Rules
Unreal Reality Shows
V-Day for Dummies
Wheel of Misfortune
Zolton, Interview Demon

Me, Elsewhere

Standup Comedy Clips

Selected Clips:
  09/10/05: Com. Studio
  04/30/05: Goodfellaz
  04/09/05: Com. Studio
  01/28/05: Com. Studio
  12/11/04: Emerald Isle
  09/06/04: Connection

Boston Comedy Clubs

 My 100 Things Posts

Selected Things:
  #6: My Stitches
  #7: My Name
  #11: My Spelling Bee
  #35: My Spring Break
  #36: My Skydives
  #53: My Memory
  #55: My Quote
  #78: My Pencil
  #91: My Family
  #100: My Poor Knee

More Features:

List of Lists
33 Faces of Me
Punchline Fever
Simpsons Quotes
Quantum Terminology

...Bleeding Obvious
By Ken Levine
Defective Yeti
Divorced Dad of Two
Gallivanting Monkey
Junk Drawer
Life... Weirder
Little. Red. Boat.
Mighty Geek
Scott's Tip of the Day
Something Authorly
Unlikely Explanations

Full Archive

Category Archives:

(Stupid) Computers
A Doofus Is Me
Articles 'n' Zines
Audience Participation
Awkward Conversations
Bits About Blogging
Bitter Old Man Rants
Blasts from My Past
Cars 'n' Drivers
Dog Drivel
Foodstuff Fluff
Fun with Words!
Grooming Gaffes
Just Life
Loopy Lists
Making Fun of Jerks
Marketing Weenies
Married and a Moron
Miscellaneous Nonsense
Potty Talk / Yes, I'm a Pig
Sleep, and Lack Thereof
Tales from the Stage
Tasty Beverages
The Happy Homeowner
TV & Movies & Games, O My!
Vacations 'n' Holidays
Weird for the Sake of Weird
Whither the Weather
Wicked Pissah Bahstan
Wide World o' Sports
Work, Work, Work

Alas Smith and Jones
Berkeley Breathed
Bill Hicks
Dave Barry
Dexter's Laboratory
Douglas Adams
Evening at the Improv
Fawlty Towers
George Alec Effinger
Jake Johannsen
Married... With Children
Monty Python
Nick Bakay
Peter King
Ren and Stimpy
Rob Neyer
Sluggy Freelance
The Simpsons
The State

Plugs, Shameless
100 Best Humor Blogs | Healthy Moms Magazine



Feeds and More
Subscribe via FeedBurner


RSS 2.0
Site Hosting:
Solid Solutions

Powered by:

Title Banner Photo:
Shirley Harshenin

Creative Commons License
  This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons License

Performancing Metrics

Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

Valid XHTML 1.0

Valid CSS!

© 2003-15 Charlie Hatton
All Rights Reserved