Charlie Hatton About This
About Me
Email Me

Charlie Hatton
Brookline, MA

All Quotes


Howdy, friendly reading person!
I'm on a bit of a hiatus right now, but only to work on other projects -- one incredibly exciting example being the newly-released kids' science book series Things That Make You Go Yuck!
If you're a science and/or silliness fan, give it a gander! See you soon!

The Zolton You Never Knew You Didn’t Know

This being Sunday — and my first Sunday back at the old blog in quite a while — I thought I’d do a bit of cleaning up.

(It’s either this, or fold laundry. And my wife has forty-seven pairs of socks that she insists differ in subtle gradations of shade, pattern, wear, length and form. While I, what with owning a penis and all, see ninety-four identical socks. Not ‘midnight blue’ versus ‘indigo sky’, or ‘fleur-de-lis’ versus ‘paisley dots’. Just socks. A huge honking pile of same-looking socks that would require a microscope, a fashion consultant and a forty-page instruction manual for me to fold ‘the right way’.

I choose this. Because, you know — duh.)

So far, so good. I’ve pruned a few sidebar links to sites that appear to have ridden off into the long interweb sunset. And I ditched the couple of GoogleAds that were hanging around, cluttering up the layout. I figure most people (like myself) browse with ad blockers turned on, anyway, so nobody’s really seeing the things. For people who were seeing them, I can’t imagine they were of interest. I mean, just look back at this week — how ‘topical’ can Google make ads to fit posts about dogs defiling condo floors or the physical charms of a commercial actress from an ad campaign that hasn’t aired during the current presidential administration? If Google’s got targeted ads for that, then by god, I don’t want to see them. Or wish them on anyone else.

“I figured if you’re reading this — and you’d be interested in more outlandish tales, dubious behavior and actual photographic evidence of my possible mental instability — then you might want to follow along.”

One more positive change I wanted to mention, though, is a couple of new links in the ‘Highlights’ section of the sidebar. I mentioned quite a while back that I write periodically on the baseball ‘n’ humor site Bugs & Cranks. That’s still true; they haven’t fired me yet and the link — should your peccadillos tend toward the tarred bat handles and the flashing leather, you filthy little minx, you — remains available on the sidebar.

It’s now joined by two others, related to legendary comedy site

(They call me ‘Zolton’ over there; if you’re curious why, then this — or, if you’re truly brave, this — should make things clearer.

Frighteninger, perhaps. But clearer.)

I’ve rubbed elbows and various other pointy body parts with the members of the ZuG community for a few years now on the message board, and occasionally posted a few pieces from over here to over there. But it’s only relatively recently that I started writing original articles especially for the site. The first, back in summer of ’08, was entitled “Monster Love”.

(And if you thought ‘Zolton’ was scary, then maybe feel lucky that article is lost to the ages. Lucky if you enjoy sleeping at night or managing your dating site profile, anyway.)

Beginning last summer, though, I’ve contributed a regular biweekly series of pieces called ‘Zolton Does Amazon’, wherein Zolton buys and posts reviews of products on, then describes the ridiculous (and possibly felonious) experience in the ZuG article. I figured if you’re reading this — and you’d be interested in more outlandish tales, dubious behavior and actual photographic evidence of my possible mental instability — then you might want to follow along.

In the interest of catching any game readers up to speed, here’s a list of the Zolton Does Amazon adventures, so far:

Ed. Note: On April 1, 2013, ZuG shut its doors, after eighteen years of yuks. Over time, I’ll be migrating my Amazon/Facebook ‘prank’ posts over here and reproducing them, with permission, from ZuG’s parent company, MediaShower. For now, please excuse the mess and the lack of tasty linkage. Danka.

(Update: For the sake of having all these links in one place — and nowhere else to put them at the moment — I’ll update this post each time a new Zolton adventure goes live on ZuG. Just so’s you know.)

So, there’s that. Hence the ZuG and Amazon links over on the sidebar.

Meanwhile, I can’t even update my template without a 500-word dissertation. Man, it’s good to be back. Happy Sunday, kiddos.

Permalink  |  4 Comments

4 Responses to “The Zolton You Never Knew You Didn’t Know”

  1. Jane Michaels says:

    I LOVE your Amazon reviews. I didn’t see one, however for my purchase of Sheddies–fart reducing underwear–you’ve been remiss. Keep up the good work–I don’t usually laugh out loud reading reviews, but yours are priceless.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail © 2003-15 Charlie Hatton All Rights Reserved
Me on Film 'n' Stage:
  Drinkstorm Studios

Me on Science (silly):
  Secondhand SCIENCE

Me on Science (real):
  Meta Science News

Me on ZuG (RIP):
  Zolton's FB Pranks
  Zolton Does Amazon

Favorite Posts:
30 Facts: Alton Brown
A Commute Dreary
A Hallmark Moment
Blue's Clues Explained
Eight Your 5-Hole?
El Classo de Espanol
Good News for Goofballs
Grammar, Charlie-Style
Grammar, Revisitated
How I Feel About Hippos
How I Feel About Pinatas
How I Feel About Pirates
Life Is Like...
Life Is Also Like...
Smartass 101
Twelve Simple Rules
Unreal Reality Shows
V-Day for Dummies
Wheel of Misfortune
Zolton, Interview Demon

Me, Elsewhere

Standup Comedy Clips

Selected Clips:
  09/10/05: Com. Studio
  04/30/05: Goodfellaz
  04/09/05: Com. Studio
  01/28/05: Com. Studio
  12/11/04: Emerald Isle
  09/06/04: Connection

Boston Comedy Clubs

 My 100 Things Posts

Selected Things:
  #6: My Stitches
  #7: My Name
  #11: My Spelling Bee
  #35: My Spring Break
  #36: My Skydives
  #53: My Memory
  #55: My Quote
  #78: My Pencil
  #91: My Family
  #100: My Poor Knee

More Features:

List of Lists
33 Faces of Me
Punchline Fever
Simpsons Quotes
Quantum Terminology

...Bleeding Obvious
By Ken Levine
Defective Yeti
Divorced Dad of Two
Gallivanting Monkey
Junk Drawer
Life... Weirder
Little. Red. Boat.
Mighty Geek
Scott's Tip of the Day
Something Authorly
Unlikely Explanations

Full Archive

Category Archives:

(Stupid) Computers
A Doofus Is Me
Articles 'n' Zines
Audience Participation
Awkward Conversations
Bits About Blogging
Bitter Old Man Rants
Blasts from My Past
Cars 'n' Drivers
Dog Drivel
Foodstuff Fluff
Fun with Words!
Grooming Gaffes
Just Life
Loopy Lists
Making Fun of Jerks
Marketing Weenies
Married and a Moron
Miscellaneous Nonsense
Potty Talk / Yes, I'm a Pig
Sleep, and Lack Thereof
Tales from the Stage
Tasty Beverages
The Happy Homeowner
TV & Movies & Games, O My!
Vacations 'n' Holidays
Weird for the Sake of Weird
Whither the Weather
Wicked Pissah Bahstan
Wide World o' Sports
Work, Work, Work

Alas Smith and Jones
Berkeley Breathed
Bill Hicks
Dave Barry
Dexter's Laboratory
Douglas Adams
Evening at the Improv
Fawlty Towers
George Alec Effinger
Jake Johannsen
Married... With Children
Monty Python
Nick Bakay
Peter King
Ren and Stimpy
Rob Neyer
Sluggy Freelance
The Simpsons
The State

Plugs, Shameless
100 Best Humor Blogs | Healthy Moms Magazine



Feeds and More
Subscribe via FeedBurner


RSS 2.0
Site Hosting:
Solid Solutions

Powered by:

Title Banner Photo:
Shirley Harshenin

Creative Commons License
  This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons License

Performancing Metrics

Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

Valid XHTML 1.0

Valid CSS!

© 2003-15 Charlie Hatton
All Rights Reserved