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One Bunch of Helpful Readers Deserves…

…well, I’m not sure what you guys deserve, really. But based on some of the one-liners you’ve volinteered in response to my last post, I’d say a few of you deserve to have your mouths washed out with soap. For shame. hilarious, of course, but for shame. Welcome to my pervy little world.

Sadly, for what I need, an existing joke just won’t cut the mustard. Thanks for the old chestnuts — and for a couple that I hadn’t heard before; did you come up with those on the spot? — but if I’m to call myself a comedian some day, I’ll have to concoct my own ‘go-to’ joke. I’ll let you know if it ever happens.

Meanwhile, though, your wave of generosity — hey, shut up; three people can be a ‘wave’, dammit — has reminded me that it’s almost time for another ‘Weblog Milestone Sweepstakes’.

Never heard of it? That’s because I just made up the name. But we’ve been playing this game for some time. And here’s the deal:

When the old attendance meter for this humble little endeavor of mine rolls over to some new ‘satisfyingly round but fairly meaningless in the grand scheme of things’ number, I like to show my appreciation to the ‘lucky customer’ who’s put us over the top.

First, it was Sabrina at 10,000 visitors.

Then, it was… well, it was Sabrina again, actually, at 20,000 visitors.

(And how she managed that, I’ll never know. Also — I’m not sure she’s been back since. There’s only so much of this nonsense one person can stand.

Though she did start her very own weblog, LoserGenius Just Can’t Win, in the interim somewhere. I like to think I may have inspired her to write, if only in a ‘Pfffft, I can do better than that‘ kind of way. Sadly, her site seems to be in hibernation; Sabrina, you still out there?)

And then, it was Riri of Riri’s Brain Dump, coming in smack on the nose of 50,000 visitors.

And now — now, folks, it’s your turn. Well, one of your turns, anyway. Because some time today — or tomorrow at the latest — somebody’s gonna tick the old counter over to 100,000 visitors on the site.

(Yeah, never mind that 50,000 visitors came looking for pr0n. Or that another 49,900 came via BlogExplosion, BlogCrowd, or BlogClicker, and never stayed long enough to read the fricking title, much less any content. One hundred large is one hundred large, and somebody’s getting a damned reward for it — don’t argue with me.)

So, here’s the way it goes — if you’re reading this today (or any day, if you want to be nice), leave me a comment on this post. That way, I can match your IP address up to the IP address I see in the site logs, and figure out who gets the Grand Poobah Milestone Swag. Yeah, I just made that name up, too. I’ll stop now, I promise.

Anyway, if I can put two and two together — always a challenge for me — and determine who the winner is, then I’ll be happy to send you a little token of appreciation. A trinket from your wish list, perhaps, or a donation to your favorite charity. I’ll pay for your next lap dance, if there’s some way we can work out the details. Something like that.

(And no, before you ask, I won’t actually perform your next lap dance. Nobody wants to see that — and I hung up my pasties a long time ago. Besides, I’m not sure you’d have a lap large neough to accomodate me — this rumpshaker would need a little more breathing room than in days past. Yeeks.)

So, if all this sounds like a shameless plug for comments, well… it probably is, just a little. Still, that’s how it’s gonna be — and I’m not doing this again until I have a quarter of a million hits, so humor me just this once, all right? That day may never come. I should live so long, people. Happy Monday out there — and good luck!

***UPDATE***: Folks, we have a winner!

I’ll have more info — so you’ll know who to be jealous of — just as soon as the winner lets me know what it is that she wants. Yep, that’s right: ‘she‘. Why is it that women only seem to win this little game, anyway? If I weren’t running the damned contest myself, I’d say it was fixed. Humph.