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First!!!1!eleventy!

They say breaking a habit usually takes two or three weeks. If you want to put the kibosh on a particular behavior — smoking cigarettes, binging on sweets, diddling to donkey porn, whatever — the rule of thumb is: go cold turkey for fifteen days or so, and you should be okay. You may not be out of the woods entirely if it’s, say, a pesky crank addiction, but the first two weeks are the hard part. After that, the pattern is broken.

When I took a writing hiatus (mostly), I didn’t stop for two weeks, or three, or four. This post is one of the vanishingly few (non-baseball) things I’ve written in the past ninety days. Three months, a full quarter, a whole school semester, and I have to wonder — can I find a pattern again? Will the drivel still flow? After such a long layoff, am I still a smartass?

“Do bears still wear funny hats? Does the pope still shit in the woods?”

Do bears still wear funny hats? Does the pope still shit in the woods? I don’t think generating ‘snark’ will be any problem, thanks.

Still, I’m working my way back into playing shape; hence the title for this post. Just by declaring ‘First!!‘, like so many helmet-wearing halfwitted ‘net nerds, I’ve taken all the pressure off for this post. When you see ‘First!!‘ leading off a comment on an online forum, you can be fairly certain the author is a dimwitted droolguard-wearing dipshit with nothing of substance to add to the discussion.

(In this case, of course, you’d be correct. The difference is I’m an incorrigibly verbose drooling dimwit. So instead of just ‘First!!‘, you also get eleventeen paragraphs of rambling nonsense.

That’s just the ‘extra-mile’ sort of dipshit I am. Some things never change.)

So, basically: ‘Hi’. Hope things are well on your side of the monitor. After an extended layoff, I should be dropping drivel on these pages fairly regularly in the coming days and weeks — just as soon as I can find a rhythm again. If it takes two weeks to break a habit — and you give it another two-and-a-half months to make sure — how long does it take to fall completely back off the wagon? I plan on finding out; stay tuned for the ride. In the words of my favorite animated robot:

‘I’m back, baby.‘