Charlie Hatton About This
About Me
Email Me

Charlie Hatton
Brookline, MA

All Quotes


Howdy, friendly reading person!
I'm on a bit of a hiatus right now, but only to work on other projects -- one incredibly exciting example being the newly-released kids' science book series Things That Make You Go Yuck!
If you're a science and/or silliness fan, give it a gander! See you soon!

Bugs & Cranks. Not Cranky. Or Buggy.

If there’s one thing I’ve realized in the three-and-a-half years I’ve been hammering away on this site, it’s that I really enjoy writing. There are days when the ideas come slowly, or when it’s hard to find the time, but if I don’t write for more than a day or two, I start to miss it. I guess you could say that writing is my one true love.

Well, that’s not entirely accurate, of course. My wife is my ‘one true love’. Without her, there’d be no web site. Or writing. Or laughs. I’d be an illiterate destitute wretch, spending the rest of my miserable existence penniless and friendless, weeping for all I’d lost.

(That’s what she tells me, anyway. She’s a great girl!)

So, my wife and writing are my two true loves.

And Guinness. (Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!)

Let’s be honest, now. An expertly poured Guinness in a proper imperial pint glass is a thing of beauty. Especially if the bartender draws a little shamrock on top with the tap stream.

(Yes, I know it’s just a novelty for the tourists. I don’t care. You show me a shamrock drawn on a crappy Bud Light draft, and I’ll stop thinking it’s cool. Nyah.)

“Thirty percent less boob jokes. Ninety percent more ‘wood’ and ‘getting to third base’ jokes.”

There’s more to Guinness than visual appeal. There’s the taste, of course. An acquired taste, to be sure — like caviar or pate or mustard gas. But there’s so much more — the heritage, the trivia (it’s nitrogenated, you know), the excuse to talk in a really bad Irish accent. A good Guinness isn’t just a beer; it’s an experience.

And that’s why my wife, writing, and Guinness are my three true loves.

And then there’s baseball.

I don’t talk about it too often here, but I’ve been a baseball fan for as long as I can remember. Other sports are great, but baseball is special. The hundred-plus years of history, the legend of the greats from today and yesterday, and the umpteen-hundred kinds of statistics measuring performance in everything from ‘runners left on base with less than two outs after the sixth inning’ to ‘tobacco wads spat per at bat’.

(For the record, Lenny Dykstra holds the career mark in the modern era. Sadly, wad-related statistics have only been tracked since the late ’70s.)

So why have I provided this guided tour through my most precious and cherished entities? To announce that I’ve been given the rare opportunity to combine two of the things that I love the most.

(No, it’s not dipping my wife in a bathtub full of Guinness. I thought of that, but she wouldn’t go for it. She says the bubbles tickle her nose.)

I’m happy and proud to announce that I’ve recently signed on as a regular contributor to a new baseball-related web site, Bugs & Cranks. The B&C mission is to ‘cover the good, the bad, and the ridiculous’ happening in the major leagues, and offer ‘humorous and insightful’ commentary on all things baseball. Each writer covers primarily one team; I’m assigned to the Atlanta Braves, and I’m looking forward to a season full of stats and yuks. And Bobby Cox blowing a gasket sometime in May if the team’s not playing well.

So what does this mean for you, the devoted reader — or casual reader, or occasional lurker, or Google searcher looking for ‘Latvian hooker llama porn’?

Well, if you’re a baseball fan, then you’ve just found a new site in Bugs & Cranks (permalink to your right atop the sidebar) that will entertain, enlighten, and inform you on a daily basis, no matter your favorite MLB team. The writing staff being assembled there is top-notch, including published authors, freelance humorists, and accomplished writers (like Dan Tobin of Surgical Strikes fame, featured on this site’s blogroll for many moons now).

You’ve also got the means for us to have an extra conversation or three a week. My writing over there will be much the same as it is here, with three slight differences:

  • All the posts will be about baseball.
  • There will occasionally be statistics spouted. Some of them might even be real.
  • Thirty percent less boob jokes. Ninety percent more ‘wood’ and ‘getting to third base’ jokes.

When I post a new entry at B&C, I’ll let you know in the next post here with a quick link. It might look something like this:

Bugs & Cranks: Braves’ New World

That’ll be your cue to check out the story, or to click the main link and see what’s new and gnarly around the rest of the league.

(Go ahead, try it now. The links are real, and it’s never too early to get into game shape.)

But what if, horror of horrors, you’re not a baseball fan?

Well, then you get nothing, I guess. You’re one of those leering Latvian llama lechers, aren’t you? Sicko.

At any rate, nothing much around here will change. I’ll still be slinging the same nonsense on this site several days a week, and occasionally managing to get a piece published elsewhere.

(Speaking of which, keep an eye out on Wednesday. The Valentine’s Day post for this year has been accepted on another site. Very exciting.

For me. For other people, maybe not so much.)

So that’s it for now. I hope you’ll come visit us at Bugs & Cranks for baseball fun, and stop by here again for semi-daily shenanigans.

(Or Dial ‘M’ for Moron for shenanigans from the archives, lovingly dusted off and reprinted for your nostalgic enjoyment.)

Personally, I’m just squealingly happy to combine two loves into one, and spend some time waxing poetic about the national pastime. And as long as I have beer in the fridge, I can drink Guinness while I write and combine three loves at once. Oh, mama. That’s as good as it could possibly get.

Just, you know, don’t tell my wife I said that. I’m not ready for ‘penniless and friendless’ just yet.

Permalink  |  2 Comments

2 Responses to “Bugs & Cranks. Not Cranky. Or Buggy.”

  1. Hootin' Anni says:

    I’ve been here a couple of times, and enjoyed it so much the first time I read everything, I decided to do a blog ‘field trip’ and I could not resist to add your blog’s url —it’s been linked in my blog entry for today.

    Hope you don’t mind?!! I think you’d be flattered beyond the shamrock foam!!!

    But seriously, tho my blog entry is trying to be humorous, I am serious to tell you what a joy it is to visit with you —

    Can’t wait for baseball and your write-up.

    That’s my ONE TRUE LOVE….baseball. And my hubby of 38 years tells me this. He’s probably right.

  2. Steph says:

    No offense, cuz I love this site and all, but bugs and cranks might well go higher on my list than the ole where the hell page. i love it when u write about baseball. it’s about damned time. :-)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail © 2003-15 Charlie Hatton All Rights Reserved
Me on Film 'n' Stage:
  Drinkstorm Studios

Me on Science (silly):
  Secondhand SCIENCE

Me on Science (real):
  Meta Science News

Me on ZuG (RIP):
  Zolton's FB Pranks
  Zolton Does Amazon

Favorite Posts:
30 Facts: Alton Brown
A Commute Dreary
A Hallmark Moment
Blue's Clues Explained
Eight Your 5-Hole?
El Classo de Espanol
Good News for Goofballs
Grammar, Charlie-Style
Grammar, Revisitated
How I Feel About Hippos
How I Feel About Pinatas
How I Feel About Pirates
Life Is Like...
Life Is Also Like...
Smartass 101
Twelve Simple Rules
Unreal Reality Shows
V-Day for Dummies
Wheel of Misfortune
Zolton, Interview Demon

Me, Elsewhere

Standup Comedy Clips

Selected Clips:
  09/10/05: Com. Studio
  04/30/05: Goodfellaz
  04/09/05: Com. Studio
  01/28/05: Com. Studio
  12/11/04: Emerald Isle
  09/06/04: Connection

Boston Comedy Clubs

 My 100 Things Posts

Selected Things:
  #6: My Stitches
  #7: My Name
  #11: My Spelling Bee
  #35: My Spring Break
  #36: My Skydives
  #53: My Memory
  #55: My Quote
  #78: My Pencil
  #91: My Family
  #100: My Poor Knee

More Features:

List of Lists
33 Faces of Me
Punchline Fever
Simpsons Quotes
Quantum Terminology

...Bleeding Obvious
By Ken Levine
Defective Yeti
Divorced Dad of Two
Gallivanting Monkey
Junk Drawer
Life... Weirder
Little. Red. Boat.
Mighty Geek
Scott's Tip of the Day
Something Authorly
Unlikely Explanations

Full Archive

Category Archives:

(Stupid) Computers
A Doofus Is Me
Articles 'n' Zines
Audience Participation
Awkward Conversations
Bits About Blogging
Bitter Old Man Rants
Blasts from My Past
Cars 'n' Drivers
Dog Drivel
Foodstuff Fluff
Fun with Words!
Grooming Gaffes
Just Life
Loopy Lists
Making Fun of Jerks
Marketing Weenies
Married and a Moron
Miscellaneous Nonsense
Potty Talk / Yes, I'm a Pig
Sleep, and Lack Thereof
Tales from the Stage
Tasty Beverages
The Happy Homeowner
TV & Movies & Games, O My!
Vacations 'n' Holidays
Weird for the Sake of Weird
Whither the Weather
Wicked Pissah Bahstan
Wide World o' Sports
Work, Work, Work

Alas Smith and Jones
Berkeley Breathed
Bill Hicks
Dave Barry
Dexter's Laboratory
Douglas Adams
Evening at the Improv
Fawlty Towers
George Alec Effinger
Jake Johannsen
Married... With Children
Monty Python
Nick Bakay
Peter King
Ren and Stimpy
Rob Neyer
Sluggy Freelance
The Simpsons
The State

Plugs, Shameless
100 Best Humor Blogs | Healthy Moms Magazine



Feeds and More
Subscribe via FeedBurner


RSS 2.0
Site Hosting:
Solid Solutions

Powered by:

Title Banner Photo:
Shirley Harshenin

Creative Commons License
  This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons License

Performancing Metrics

Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

Valid XHTML 1.0

Valid CSS!

© 2003-15 Charlie Hatton
All Rights Reserved