Charlie Hatton About This
About Me
Email Me

Bookmark
 FeedBurnerEmailTwitterFacebookAmazon
Charlie Hatton
Brookline, MA



All Quotes
HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail

  |  

Howdy, friendly reading person!
I'm on a bit of a hiatus right now, but only to work on other projects -- one incredibly exciting example being the newly-released kids' science book series Things That Make You Go Yuck!
If you're a science and/or silliness fan, give it a gander! See you soon!

Aaaand We’re Back

I haven’t been entirely keyboard-silent since last week. To prove it, have a gander over at the new-look(!) Bugs & Cranks for my latest on the Braves:

Braves After Ten: Don’t Get Too Comfortable — The record after ten games? Good. The concerns? Several.

Now let’s step back up to the plate.


Sorry for the extended absence. A busy schedule, followed by technical difficulties on the server side, kept things quiet around here into the weekend, and a Nor’easter-related power outage delayed things for another day or so.

“I’m no genius, but I know when Mother Nature is preparing to blow rainwater up my ass.”

Luckily, other than a few downed tree branches, things are getting back to normal around here. The power’s back on, the house didn’t wash away, and the local Bible kook who collects ‘two of every animal’ every time it rains is busy putting pairs of raccoons and squirrels back in the trees.

(We keep telling him a rusted-out rowboat hardly qualifies as an ‘ark’, but no amount of anguing or rodent bites seems to convince him.

Besides, it’s either this or he runs around the neighborhood screaming about brimstone and devils. Better he should bother the chipmunks.)

With the storm happening over the weekend, I was lucky enough to mostly miss being caught out in the elements. In fact, I didn’t leave the house all weekend.

Except. The dog.

The dog doesn’t know when it’s raining. Not even when it’s raining sideways with fifty mile per hour winds, apparently. She only knows when she wants to pee — and who has the opposable thumbs to hold the leash. Peachy.

The wife pulled ‘monsoon duty’ the first couple of times the mutt needed a walk. Each time, they both came back in dripping, shivering — and quickly. The dog’s dumb, but not stupid enough to lollygag around in the middle of a rainstorm. I guess when you’re being pelted by raindrops the size of peaches, you learn how to speed-tinkle. Just like in the shower.

Or, um, so I hear. Moving right along.

Anyway, eventually it was my turn. You’d think the damned dog would learn — if it was spewing rain six hours ago, and it was spewing rain three hours ago, and you can still hear rain pelting the porch, then it’s probably raining. I’m no genius, but I know when Mother Nature is preparing to blow rainwater up my ass. That’s when I stay inside.

Unless there’s a pesky pooch making incontinent doggy eyes at me. The things we do for our dumb soggy animals.

At least it was quick. The mutt took three steps off the porch, realized she was wet, and gave me an annoyed look as if to say:

Hey, make this stuff stop — some of us are trying to piss around here.

A quick detour off the sidewalk, a shake, a squat, and we scampered back inside. I thought about leaving the dog tied to a tree for a while, to ‘encourage‘ her that she didn’t want to go outside again for a while — but even I’m not that mean. Plus, my wife promised us both Snausages when we came back in. So we had that going for us.

Other than that, it’s been a pretty quiet long weekend.

(We Massachusettsians get that funny ‘Patriots Day’ holiday, so we can sleep in and not watch the Boston Marathon, then start drinking early when the Red Sox play. Talk about a holiday I can get behind — oh, mama.)

Until next time, let’s all try and stay nice and dry inside. Next time it rains, I’m dangling the dog’s ass out the window. Let’s see how long it takes her to piss when she’s the only one getting wet.

Permalink  |  No Comments



Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail © 2003-15 Charlie Hatton All Rights Reserved
Highlights
Me on Film 'n' Stage:
  Drinkstorm Studios


Me on Science (silly):
  Secondhand SCIENCE


Me on Science (real):
  Meta Science News


Me on ZuG (RIP):
  Zolton's FB Pranks
  Zolton Does Amazon


Favorite Posts:
30 Facts: Alton Brown
A Commute Dreary
A Hallmark Moment
Blue's Clues Explained
Eight Your 5-Hole?
El Classo de Espanol
Good News for Goofballs
Grammar, Charlie-Style
Grammar, Revisitated
How I Feel About Hippos
How I Feel About Pinatas
How I Feel About Pirates
Life Is Like...
Life Is Also Like...
Smartass 101
Twelve Simple Rules
Unreal Reality Shows
V-Day for Dummies
Wheel of Misfortune
Zolton, Interview Demon

Me, Elsewhere

Features
Standup Comedy Clips

Selected Clips:
  09/10/05: Com. Studio
  04/30/05: Goodfellaz
  04/09/05: Com. Studio
  01/28/05: Com. Studio
  12/11/04: Emerald Isle
  09/06/04: Connection

Boston Comedy Clubs

 My 100 Things Posts

Selected Things:
  #6: My Stitches
  #7: My Name
  #11: My Spelling Bee
  #35: My Spring Break
  #36: My Skydives
  #53: My Memory
  #55: My Quote
  #78: My Pencil
  #91: My Family
  #100: My Poor Knee

More Features:

List of Lists
33 Faces of Me
Cliche-O-Matic
Punchline Fever
Simpsons Quotes
Quantum Terminology

Favorites
Banterist
...Bleeding Obvious
By Ken Levine
Defective Yeti
DeJENNerate
Divorced Dad of Two
Gallivanting Monkey
Junk Drawer
Life... Weirder
Little. Red. Boat.
Mighty Geek
Mitchieville
PCPPP
Scaryduck
Scott's Tip of the Day
Something Authorly
TGNP
Unlikely Explanations

Archives
Full Archive

Category Archives:

(Stupid) Computers
100Things
A Doofus Is Me
Articles 'n' Zines
Audience Participation
Awkward Conversations
Bits About Blogging
Bitter Old Man Rants
Blasts from My Past
Cars 'n' Drivers
Dog Drivel
Eek!Cards
Foodstuff Fluff
Fun with Words!
Googlicious!
Grooming Gaffes
Just Life
Loopy Lists
Making Fun of Jerks
Marketing Weenies
Married and a Moron
Miscellaneous Nonsense
Potty Talk / Yes, I'm a Pig
Sleep, and Lack Thereof
Standup
Tales from the Stage
Tasty Beverages
The Happy Homeowner
TV & Movies & Games, O My!
Uncategorized
Vacations 'n' Holidays
Weird for the Sake of Weird
Whither the Weather
Wicked Pissah Bahstan
Wide World o' Sports
Work, Work, Work
Zug

Heroes
Alas Smith and Jones
Berkeley Breathed
Bill Hicks
Dave Barry
Dexter's Laboratory
Douglas Adams
Evening at the Improv
Fawlty Towers
George Alec Effinger
Grover
Jake Johannsen
Married... With Children
Monty Python
Nick Bakay
Peter King
Ren and Stimpy
Rob Neyer
Sluggy Freelance
The Simpsons
The State

Plugs, Shameless
100 Best Humor Blogs | Healthy Moms Magazine

HumorSource

 

Feeds and More
Subscribe via FeedBurner

[Subscribe]

RDF
RSS 2.0
Atom
Credits
Site Hosting:
Solid Solutions

Powered by:
MovableType

Title Banner Photo:
Shirley Harshenin

Creative Commons License
  This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons License

Performancing Metrics

Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

Valid XHTML 1.0

Valid CSS!

© 2003-15 Charlie Hatton
All Rights Reserved