Charlie Hatton About This
About Me
Email Me

Charlie Hatton
Brookline, MA

All Quotes


Howdy, friendly reading person!
I'm on a bit of a hiatus right now, but only to work on other projects -- one incredibly exciting example being the newly-released kids' science book series Things That Make You Go Yuck!
If you're a science and/or silliness fan, give it a gander! See you soon!

Maybe My ‘Funny’ Is Buried Under There Somewhere, Too

Man, my desk is a mess.

I mean, it’s always a mess, at least to the untrained observer’s eye — but I’ve really outdone myself this time. It’s a fricking zoo. It’s loony. It’s in a state of advanced higgledy-piggledy, even. There are notes, and CDs, and pens, and coasters, and printer manuals, and notebooks, and loose papers, and all sorts of other shit, too.

(Well, not shit, of course. There’s no actual shit on my desk.

Although, if the dog were just a leeetle bit taller, there very well could be shit on it. Piss, at the very least. I swear, at one point or another, that dog has peed on every flat surface under four feet tall in the house. She’s a machine.

And if you think that sounds gross to you to hear about it, imagine how I feel. I used to eat off the kitchen counters. Now, not so much. Ew.)

It’s actually not just that stuff is piled all over my desk, really. That’s part of the system I have. See, I like to think I manage my desk the way nature designed humans — I put the fun, shiny, important stuff that I want to see and touch and play with often right up front, where I can get at it. And the stuff that I really don’t need to deal with, except in an emergency of some kind, I hide way back in the back.

And, naturally, there are a lot of things I like to touch and play with and rub against my naked body, so — wait, scratch that last one; you never heard that. Stop the music. Do over.

Ahem. As I was saying:

And, naturally, there are a lot of things I like to touch and play with and… stuff, so I have to pile some things on top of other things to make it all fit. I call that my ‘system’. Some people call it ‘piling’. I don’t like those people. They wouldn’t know a ‘system’ if it snuck up behind them and rubbed itself all over their naked bodies. Losers.

Anyway, piles are okay. But right now, I’ve got piles of piles. And some of the piles seem to have fallen over, resulting in… well, I don’t know what, exactly. Heaps, maybe? Mounds? An enormous clusterfuck? Something like that, I’m sure.

It really is impressive, seeing how much shit my desk has collected. I’d like to take a picture, even, so I could show you — but I can’t. The camera is on the desk, you see, so who the hell knows where it is. Buried under empty CD jewel cases and pay stubs from three years ago, no doubt. And probably sitting next to the wallet I misplaced when we moved. And Jimmy Hoffa. And a winning lottery ticket, now expired. ‘Cause isn’t that always the way?

Anyway, it’s getting late, so maybe I’d better try cleaning some of this shit off before bedtime. If these piles were to tip over during the night, the avalanche would break right through the floor, all the way to the basement. And not only would I have to patch the holes, I’d also have to lug all that crap back up here and find somewhere else to put it. In a pile, somewhere, of course. That’s what I do.

But for now, I’ll transplant a few of those piles to another spot. Like my wife’s desk. Just look at it, over there, pristine and clean. Not a proper desk at all, if you ask me. One pen and a paper clip — what the hell kind of desk clutter is that. Hell, you can’t even pile that shit together. Not really. So maybe I’ll throw some of this junk over there, and see what happens.

Sometimes, when I put my shit on her desk, it gets magically put away where it belongs, which is cool. Other times, I find it in the wastebasket, in with the shredded bills and orange peels, and then I have to drag it out and pile it somewhere else for a while. But it smells nice and citrusy then, so really, that’s okay, too. And either way, it makes my desk look better in comparison. And that’s what it’s all about, baby.

Permalink  |  2 Comments

2 Responses to “Maybe My ‘Funny’ Is Buried Under There Somewhere, Too”

  1. Zette says:

    I’m a clusterfuck freak! My house seems to grow piles and piles, which later become mounds. Never molehills, though, cuz that’d be too easy. *sheesh*

    I have that same kind of system going on my desk. Just wish it worked for me, cuz I can NEVER find ANYTHING I need. Like a couple months ago, I found a brand new unopened pack of cigarettes that I didn’t even know I had buried UNDER my monitor! The other day, I made a special trip to the store for more neosporin, only to find a barely used tube on my desk the next day. (And I rarely use the shit, so what am I supposed to do with TWO of them now?)

    I’ve got bills that need paying, that are buried here somewhere, and who the hell knows what else.

    I’m just GLAD I AM NOT ALONE! Maybe one day, I’ll clear it off and keep it that way for more than 2 hours!!!!!!

  2. Melissa says:

    lmao I had that exact same problem earlier. Sadly I cleared the clutter away during a routine chinchilla cage clean. Not to worry though the pile(s) are in a new stack elsewhere.. So much for ‘organization’ eh? *winks*

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail © 2003-15 Charlie Hatton All Rights Reserved
Me on Film 'n' Stage:
  Drinkstorm Studios

Me on Science (silly):
  Secondhand SCIENCE

Me on Science (real):
  Meta Science News

Me on ZuG (RIP):
  Zolton's FB Pranks
  Zolton Does Amazon

Favorite Posts:
30 Facts: Alton Brown
A Commute Dreary
A Hallmark Moment
Blue's Clues Explained
Eight Your 5-Hole?
El Classo de Espanol
Good News for Goofballs
Grammar, Charlie-Style
Grammar, Revisitated
How I Feel About Hippos
How I Feel About Pinatas
How I Feel About Pirates
Life Is Like...
Life Is Also Like...
Smartass 101
Twelve Simple Rules
Unreal Reality Shows
V-Day for Dummies
Wheel of Misfortune
Zolton, Interview Demon

Me, Elsewhere

Standup Comedy Clips

Selected Clips:
  09/10/05: Com. Studio
  04/30/05: Goodfellaz
  04/09/05: Com. Studio
  01/28/05: Com. Studio
  12/11/04: Emerald Isle
  09/06/04: Connection

Boston Comedy Clubs

 My 100 Things Posts

Selected Things:
  #6: My Stitches
  #7: My Name
  #11: My Spelling Bee
  #35: My Spring Break
  #36: My Skydives
  #53: My Memory
  #55: My Quote
  #78: My Pencil
  #91: My Family
  #100: My Poor Knee

More Features:

List of Lists
33 Faces of Me
Punchline Fever
Simpsons Quotes
Quantum Terminology

...Bleeding Obvious
By Ken Levine
Defective Yeti
Divorced Dad of Two
Gallivanting Monkey
Junk Drawer
Life... Weirder
Little. Red. Boat.
Mighty Geek
Scott's Tip of the Day
Something Authorly
Unlikely Explanations

Full Archive

Category Archives:

(Stupid) Computers
A Doofus Is Me
Articles 'n' Zines
Audience Participation
Awkward Conversations
Bits About Blogging
Bitter Old Man Rants
Blasts from My Past
Cars 'n' Drivers
Dog Drivel
Foodstuff Fluff
Fun with Words!
Grooming Gaffes
Just Life
Loopy Lists
Making Fun of Jerks
Marketing Weenies
Married and a Moron
Miscellaneous Nonsense
Potty Talk / Yes, I'm a Pig
Sleep, and Lack Thereof
Tales from the Stage
Tasty Beverages
The Happy Homeowner
TV & Movies & Games, O My!
Vacations 'n' Holidays
Weird for the Sake of Weird
Whither the Weather
Wicked Pissah Bahstan
Wide World o' Sports
Work, Work, Work

Alas Smith and Jones
Berkeley Breathed
Bill Hicks
Dave Barry
Dexter's Laboratory
Douglas Adams
Evening at the Improv
Fawlty Towers
George Alec Effinger
Jake Johannsen
Married... With Children
Monty Python
Nick Bakay
Peter King
Ren and Stimpy
Rob Neyer
Sluggy Freelance
The Simpsons
The State

Plugs, Shameless
100 Best Humor Blogs | Healthy Moms Magazine



Feeds and More
Subscribe via FeedBurner


RSS 2.0
Site Hosting:
Solid Solutions

Powered by:

Title Banner Photo:
Shirley Harshenin

Creative Commons License
  This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons License

Performancing Metrics

Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

Valid XHTML 1.0

Valid CSS!

© 2003-15 Charlie Hatton
All Rights Reserved