Charlie Hatton About This
About Me
Email Me

Charlie Hatton
Brookline, MA

All Quotes


Howdy, friendly reading person!
I'm on a bit of a hiatus right now, but only to work on other projects -- one incredibly exciting example being the newly-released kids' science book series Things That Make You Go Yuck!
If you're a science and/or silliness fan, give it a gander! See you soon!

I Think, Therefore… Hoo, Boy

I’ve been told — several thousand times by now, I’m sure — that sometimes I overthink things.

And it’s true. I’ll confess. I like to lift the curtain, to see what’s behind what is. I want to know the ‘why’ of things, how a thing has come to be, what might have happened instead, what could happen next, and what it all means. That’s just how I tick.

Of course, sometimes there’s nothing behind the curtain. It’s just a stupid curtain, and when you lift it, you wind up with your pants down in public.

I should probably connect those dots, from ‘overthinking’ to ‘public depantsing’. Lest you think I’m all weird or something.

(Oh, shut up. I know what you think.)

At work this week, a sign appeared on the stall — single stall; small company — in the mens’ room. The sign read:


Or words to that effect. I have to admit I didn’t look especially closely; I do my very best not to require the services of an enclosed bathroom stall at the office, so I noted that the door was amiss and went on about my business.

(My number one business. Because if I were doing other sorts of “business”, then… oh, you’ve got it? Super. Moving on.)

The sign stayed up all week, until this morning. As I took a pre-lunch constitutional down by the boys’ room urinal works, I noticed that the sign was no more.

“What’s the washroom chain of command here, and who notifies us grunts when the latrine is AWOL or not?”

That’s when the gears started whirring.

I realized that I didn’t know exactly when the sign came down. It could have been last night, or earlier this morning. Either way, we’ve got some people working long and strange hours some days. It might have been nice for someone to have sent out a notice — some kind of “stall’s well!” email, perhaps.

That train of thought just drove me further down the rabbit commode. What would the distribution list be for such an email? Only the guys care about what’s going on with the mens’ room stall, presumably. Do we have an email list of just the men in the company? Should we? Is that sexist somehow?

What if the email went out to everyone, including the women? Would they really want to read about every miniscule repair and update and paper roll restocking that goes on in our rest room? Would that be sexist? More so, or less?

Then I considered who’d be sending such an email. Most of our staff who would coordinate with maintenance are female. And most of the maintenance staff I’ve seen in the building are male. Would the person doing the work declare it done? Or would one of our administrators have to go in to sign off on it? Who does the final testing? What if it was a clog, or a wonky flusher handle? What’s the washroom chain of command here, and who notifies us grunts when the latrine is AWOL or not?

These questions raced through my head — spinning, like water down a bowl. Soon enough, it had my stomach keeping time with the churn. Finally — despite my strict personal policy — I could hold out no more, and I sat down in the recently de-signed stall. For business.

(Oh yeah. You know the kind I mean.)

I’d just dropped trousers and settled into the job when the mens’ room door opened and a couple of the execs came in, chatting. I heard them head to the sink — washing up for lunch, perhaps.

That’s when the stall door, hinge thoroughly busted, eased a corner from the frame and swung wide open outward, possibly hitting one of my uberbosses in the back.

They turned. I sat. I waved. They gaped. I asked for, “Little help, please?

Which they gave, to very little avail. It just swung right back at them again. By the time their hands were clean, I was slumped half in the floor, trying simultaneously to keep the door hooked with my foot and not fall headfirst backwards into a bowl of my own “overthinking”.

I managed only one of the two. But I did keep my hair clean. I think I made the right choice.

And I vowed to try — oh man, will I try — not to overthink things in future. Some curtains are simply never meant to be peeked behind.

In other words, sometimes a bare bathroom stall door is an enigma, leading to all sorts of ‘whys’ and ‘what shoulds’ and ‘how’s the best way to bes’.

Other times? The sign that’s not there isn’t there any more because SOME HORSEHUMPING JACKASS STOLE THE DAMNED SIGN!

And that’s all I have to think about that.

Permalink  |  No Comments

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail © 2003-15 Charlie Hatton All Rights Reserved
Me on Film 'n' Stage:
  Drinkstorm Studios

Me on Science (silly):
  Secondhand SCIENCE

Me on Science (real):
  Meta Science News

Me on ZuG (RIP):
  Zolton's FB Pranks
  Zolton Does Amazon

Favorite Posts:
30 Facts: Alton Brown
A Commute Dreary
A Hallmark Moment
Blue's Clues Explained
Eight Your 5-Hole?
El Classo de Espanol
Good News for Goofballs
Grammar, Charlie-Style
Grammar, Revisitated
How I Feel About Hippos
How I Feel About Pinatas
How I Feel About Pirates
Life Is Like...
Life Is Also Like...
Smartass 101
Twelve Simple Rules
Unreal Reality Shows
V-Day for Dummies
Wheel of Misfortune
Zolton, Interview Demon

Me, Elsewhere

Standup Comedy Clips

Selected Clips:
  09/10/05: Com. Studio
  04/30/05: Goodfellaz
  04/09/05: Com. Studio
  01/28/05: Com. Studio
  12/11/04: Emerald Isle
  09/06/04: Connection

Boston Comedy Clubs

 My 100 Things Posts

Selected Things:
  #6: My Stitches
  #7: My Name
  #11: My Spelling Bee
  #35: My Spring Break
  #36: My Skydives
  #53: My Memory
  #55: My Quote
  #78: My Pencil
  #91: My Family
  #100: My Poor Knee

More Features:

List of Lists
33 Faces of Me
Punchline Fever
Simpsons Quotes
Quantum Terminology

...Bleeding Obvious
By Ken Levine
Defective Yeti
Divorced Dad of Two
Gallivanting Monkey
Junk Drawer
Life... Weirder
Little. Red. Boat.
Mighty Geek
Scott's Tip of the Day
Something Authorly
Unlikely Explanations

Full Archive

Category Archives:

(Stupid) Computers
A Doofus Is Me
Articles 'n' Zines
Audience Participation
Awkward Conversations
Bits About Blogging
Bitter Old Man Rants
Blasts from My Past
Cars 'n' Drivers
Dog Drivel
Foodstuff Fluff
Fun with Words!
Grooming Gaffes
Just Life
Loopy Lists
Making Fun of Jerks
Marketing Weenies
Married and a Moron
Miscellaneous Nonsense
Potty Talk / Yes, I'm a Pig
Sleep, and Lack Thereof
Tales from the Stage
Tasty Beverages
The Happy Homeowner
TV & Movies & Games, O My!
Vacations 'n' Holidays
Weird for the Sake of Weird
Whither the Weather
Wicked Pissah Bahstan
Wide World o' Sports
Work, Work, Work

Alas Smith and Jones
Berkeley Breathed
Bill Hicks
Dave Barry
Dexter's Laboratory
Douglas Adams
Evening at the Improv
Fawlty Towers
George Alec Effinger
Jake Johannsen
Married... With Children
Monty Python
Nick Bakay
Peter King
Ren and Stimpy
Rob Neyer
Sluggy Freelance
The Simpsons
The State

Plugs, Shameless
100 Best Humor Blogs | Healthy Moms Magazine



Feeds and More
Subscribe via FeedBurner


RSS 2.0
Site Hosting:
Solid Solutions

Powered by:

Title Banner Photo:
Shirley Harshenin

Creative Commons License
  This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons License

Performancing Metrics

Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

Valid XHTML 1.0

Valid CSS!

© 2003-15 Charlie Hatton
All Rights Reserved