Charlie Hatton About This
About Me
Email Me

Charlie Hatton
Brookline, MA

All Quotes


Howdy, friendly reading person!
I'm on a bit of a hiatus right now, but only to work on other projects -- one incredibly exciting example being the newly-released kids' science book series Things That Make You Go Yuck!
If you're a science and/or silliness fan, give it a gander! See you soon!


#90. I was one of ESPN’s 3Play contest winners.

For those of you who missed the series of contests a couple of summers ago, they worked like this:

At some point in the day, you had to log in to ESPN’s site and click on the ‘3Play’ button. You’d then be assigned three sports figures — individuals, teams, tennis doubles partners, whatever — for the next day. Each ‘figure’ would be able to score points for you in a variety of ways; I think there were three per figure. So a baseball player might score by getting runs, home runs and walks, or RBI, walks and hits. No two contestants would have exactly the same combination of figures and scoring chances. So essentially, it was a lottery, where you neither picked your own numbers, nor chose exactly which ticket type you wanted to scratch off. Pretty limiting, now that I think about it.

But damn it all if I didn’t just win the thing one day! (In other words, limiting, schimiting.) I don’t remember exactly who my figures were that day — I do recall that I had Bobby Higginson of the Detroit Tigers (an unlikely hero, but he had two home runs that day, which was huge) and the Portugese national soccer team. (Sorry, Euro types — I meant ‘football squad‘.) The third member of my little pack escapes me, but he/she/it/they must have kicked ass, too, because collectively, they outkicked all the other ass-kickers in the whole game. Yay!

And what did I win for my unparalleled prowess at logging in and clicking on a link? Why, cold hard cash, of course! Obviously. See, if I spend oodles of hours and six months of haggling, bargaining, worrying and projecting to beat nine other actual people in an ESPN fantasy league, then I deserve a T-shirt for my troubles. But, if I follow a bookmark to their site and click a link — just once! — then I obviously merit five figures in legal tender for my troubles. Well, duh.

Still, who’s to argue? That’s money we’re talking about, folks. And even after Uncle Sam got his greedy paws on half of it, and we squirrelled some away for a rainy day, we were still able to upgrade our sorry excuses for a living room couch and television. Which rocked, because both pieces really needed upgrading. One was an old lady hand-me-down, and the other was a somewhat-used discounted floor model missing some of its parts. One developed annoying wavy lines, and the other sported mysterious gray blotches. Both were on their last legs, and so my wife and I put our winnings to good use in getting the hell rid of them and finding suitable replacements.

The contest ran for the whole summer, if I remember correctly. There were mechanisms for winners to earn bonuses and for money to accumulate — I think a couple of people won upwards of thirty grand or so, though my prize was nowhere near that. Still, it was free dough, and much appreciated. The contest is long gone, but we’ve still got our nifty couches and TV. And now that we own a house, and all of the monetary requirements that entails, we’ll probably have to keep our 3Play stuff until it gets blotchy and wavy and crappily old, too. Unless we can win another contest before that, that is. Anybody want to pay me for clicking on something? Really, I’ve proven my ability; I can do it again. Just give me a chance — and a shot at big money — and I’m there, dude. Just say the word.

Permalink  |  No Comments

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail © 2003-15 Charlie Hatton All Rights Reserved
Me on Film 'n' Stage:
  Drinkstorm Studios

Me on Science (silly):
  Secondhand SCIENCE

Me on Science (real):
  Meta Science News

Me on ZuG (RIP):
  Zolton's FB Pranks
  Zolton Does Amazon

Favorite Posts:
30 Facts: Alton Brown
A Commute Dreary
A Hallmark Moment
Blue's Clues Explained
Eight Your 5-Hole?
El Classo de Espanol
Good News for Goofballs
Grammar, Charlie-Style
Grammar, Revisitated
How I Feel About Hippos
How I Feel About Pinatas
How I Feel About Pirates
Life Is Like...
Life Is Also Like...
Smartass 101
Twelve Simple Rules
Unreal Reality Shows
V-Day for Dummies
Wheel of Misfortune
Zolton, Interview Demon

Me, Elsewhere

Standup Comedy Clips

Selected Clips:
  09/10/05: Com. Studio
  04/30/05: Goodfellaz
  04/09/05: Com. Studio
  01/28/05: Com. Studio
  12/11/04: Emerald Isle
  09/06/04: Connection

Boston Comedy Clubs

 My 100 Things Posts

Selected Things:
  #6: My Stitches
  #7: My Name
  #11: My Spelling Bee
  #35: My Spring Break
  #36: My Skydives
  #53: My Memory
  #55: My Quote
  #78: My Pencil
  #91: My Family
  #100: My Poor Knee

More Features:

List of Lists
33 Faces of Me
Punchline Fever
Simpsons Quotes
Quantum Terminology

...Bleeding Obvious
By Ken Levine
Defective Yeti
Divorced Dad of Two
Gallivanting Monkey
Junk Drawer
Life... Weirder
Little. Red. Boat.
Mighty Geek
Scott's Tip of the Day
Something Authorly
Unlikely Explanations

Full Archive

Category Archives:

(Stupid) Computers
A Doofus Is Me
Articles 'n' Zines
Audience Participation
Awkward Conversations
Bits About Blogging
Bitter Old Man Rants
Blasts from My Past
Cars 'n' Drivers
Dog Drivel
Foodstuff Fluff
Fun with Words!
Grooming Gaffes
Just Life
Loopy Lists
Making Fun of Jerks
Marketing Weenies
Married and a Moron
Miscellaneous Nonsense
Potty Talk / Yes, I'm a Pig
Sleep, and Lack Thereof
Tales from the Stage
Tasty Beverages
The Happy Homeowner
TV & Movies & Games, O My!
Vacations 'n' Holidays
Weird for the Sake of Weird
Whither the Weather
Wicked Pissah Bahstan
Wide World o' Sports
Work, Work, Work

Alas Smith and Jones
Berkeley Breathed
Bill Hicks
Dave Barry
Dexter's Laboratory
Douglas Adams
Evening at the Improv
Fawlty Towers
George Alec Effinger
Jake Johannsen
Married... With Children
Monty Python
Nick Bakay
Peter King
Ren and Stimpy
Rob Neyer
Sluggy Freelance
The Simpsons
The State

Plugs, Shameless
100 Best Humor Blogs | Healthy Moms Magazine



Feeds and More
Subscribe via FeedBurner


RSS 2.0
Site Hosting:
Solid Solutions

Powered by:

Title Banner Photo:
Shirley Harshenin

Creative Commons License
  This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons License

Performancing Metrics

Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

Valid XHTML 1.0

Valid CSS!

© 2003-15 Charlie Hatton
All Rights Reserved