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9

Charlie’s “100 Things Posts About Me”

#9. I have had nine different positions since college.

No, not sexual positions, you freak! What am I, the Charlie frickin’ Sutra? I mean jobs, people. The kind you get paid for. Oh, wait — yeah, when I say it that way, I can see how you might confuse it with sex. My bad.

Anyway, I’ve had nine employers since I got out of school, how’s that, ya perv? I was in grad school once, then I was a lab tech, back in a different grad school program, then I worked for a hospital, helped to found a startup company, worked for a consulting firm, telecommuted for a healthcare lab, hooked up with a temporary staffing company, and then worked for a pharmaceutical firm. Nine jobs in eleven years. Throw in a couple of contracts I did on the side for the government, and another start-up I dabbled in for a while, and I’ve averaged a new name on the paychecks every year.

Not bad for a guy they said nobody would hire, eh? Hell, everybody’s hired me. I’ve had more jobs than Peter North. More offices than Saddam Hussein. More business cards than the ‘Win a Jell-O Rubdown’ jar at Scores. Why, I’ve stolen enough printer paper and Post-Its to light a bonfire under Delaware. Called in ‘sick’ for a years’ worth of Sundays. And had enough three-hour, four-martini lunches to make the Kennedys blush.

Hmmm. Maybe there’s a reason that I haven’t kept a job for more than a couple of years. Eh. Nah! Must be the economy, right? Um, hello? Right? Right?

Oh, poop.